Loving a Vampire Is Total Chaos (Total Chaos, #1)

by Aura Hayes

I always tease him he looks like the prospector from Toy Story and beg him to dress up as the character for Halloween. I could be Bullseye. Giddy up.

Tom grumbles and leans up close to the board to move his queen, setting it in direct sights of my king. “Check.” I smirk victoriously. “You’re a fucking cheater.” Tom knocks the pieces off the board, and I roll my eyes. And he says I’m the dramatic one.

A small human child runs by and nearly bumps into my shoulder. I recoil in disgust, wiping the invisible germs off my shirt.

Children are one of my least favorite things with their whining, screaming, and messiness but it can usually be blamed on shitty parenting. My one exception for a crotch goblin is if Celine wants children. I’ll give her as many as she desires. I look forward to practicing the baby making.

Wait. Babies. Celine. I need to write that down. Pulling my trusty notebook and pen out of my pocket I lick my finger and flip it open to a new page. Quickly scribbling, Breed Celine, under ...

Besides, even though vampires can have children, it’s rare which means if she wants them, we’re going to be doing a whole lot of practicing. ...

Make sure Celine always wears a seatbelt. Safety is hot.

her. The allure of a mate is impossible to resist long-term and I’m tired of denying to myself that she’s not mine. I was scared at first to acknowledge it, to give truth to what I knew was staring me in the face, because I’ve been alone for so long and the small chance I was wrong held me back. It would’ve been devastating to think I’d finally found my mate after all these years only to realize I’m wrong.

But I’m not wrong. Celine is mine.

I can’t help but want to get to know her, though. Slowly. Properly. She’s human and deserves to be courted. I want to do things right with her. The way she’d expect. Except I’m me, and if I’m hones...

I suppose it stems from living hundreds of years, but it’s much more fun to do things out of the bo...

Rolling up to the parking garage of the apartment building I park in my spot. I know it’s my spot because I’ve labeled it with a sign that says, “Zav’s fucking spot so don’t park here. Violators will be eaten.”

I fall to my knees at the overwhelming scent of her. It's both too much and not enough. My mate.

Her tan-colored couch against the wall in the living room is covered in throw pillows and fuzzy blankets. It makes me irrationally angry these inanimate objects get to cover Celine’s body and provide the warmth and comfort I’m desperate to give her.

“Midnight, huh?” I scratch under his chin which makes him purr like a motorboat. Smiling I place the cat around my neck like a scarf to continue my tour of Celine’s apartment. “I would’ve thought Celine would’ve given you a more unique name than that. Like Bob. Or Hashbrown. Maybe Burnt Marshmallow.” He seems to hum in pleasure at that name. “You like that one, do you?”

Did dancing with me turn her on? Her scent becomes more complex when she’s aroused.

“Simple creatures, aren’t we?” I toss a few of the tiny fish shaped treats on the ground and he runs after them. “Blindsided by temptation.” Celine pops in my head and I lean against the counter. “I know the feeling.”

A circled date on the calendar catches my attention and I lean closer to see on tomorrow’s date she’s written Double date at Strike Lanes. Double date? Oh fuck no.

My girl on a date with another man? Unthinkable. I need to take this situation into my own hands. My timetable for showing Celine how perfect we are together just moved up.

Celine touched me. Celine. Touched. Me.

I swallow down my desperation to say yes, please, touch me some more. Touch me everywhere. Touch me any time you want.

Her words are going in one ear and out the other as I focus on deep breathing just like the yoga instructor in the class I popped into a few months ago told me to do.

My teeth grind together, and I bite down to cover my fangs that have popped out involuntarily. No. No. Now is not an appropriate time for a fangboner!

Celine leans forward to look at me when she finally realizes something’s wrong. I try to lean away and let the collar of my coat hide my face. Go away! I will the pesky canines to retract, but so far they’re not going anywhere.

concern, and I jerk when she lays her palm on my thigh. I’m already dealing with a fangboner. The last thing I need is an actual one too.

concern in her voice amplifies and I curse myself for worrying her. Wait. She’s worried about me? If I could blush, I most certainly would be. My sweet girl is worried about me, when all that’s wrong is me wanting to take her to pound town and mark her as mine.

“She needs to keep her wits about her around you. You’ll corrupt her, Zavier.” “That’s what I’m counting on,” I chuckle,

“You’re going to be the death of me.” A sigh leaves my body, and I deflate. “You’re already dead.” Silence fills the space as I stare at her for a few beats before I turn on my heel and walk toward the door. “I’m leaving.” The door jingles as I open it. “And you’re an idiot.”

and I stop, remembering my reason for initially coming in. My feet pound on the wooden floor as I sprint over to her backup cooler and steal a few extra bags of blood. “You greedy little pig,” she calls out. “I’m adding that to your tab.” I stick out my tongue and dart out into the night.

“Celine!” A huge grin splits his mouth, and I nearly collapse on the spot. His good days are rare, and I didn’t know how badly I needed one until he says my name. “Hi, Daddy.” My voice is barely a whisper, and I can’t hold myself back any longer. Rushing toward him I give the biggest hug I can muster. His arms come around me, now frailer than ever before, but the strength and love in them can’t be mistaken.

I cry for my dad who’s been dealt a fate he didn’t ask for. I cry for myself who’s lost both of her parents. I cry for the uncertain future that seems to hold nothing but isolation and agony.

“Celine wants you to take her on a date.” “What?” Zavier and I shout simultaneously, a grin quickly spreading across his face. “Ava,” I hiss vehemently. “I’d love to,” Zavier responds cheerily, linking his arm with mine.

“I just think it’s funny you’ve known me longer than Ava has and yet you never call me Zav. It’s always Zavier this, Zavier that.” A scoff leaves my mouth as I place my own hands on my hips to mimic his stance. “You just moved in! I’m sorry if I don’t think we’re in the territory of nicknames.” He levels me with a stare of challenge, and I know I’m in trouble. “I think you’re afraid, baby.” The sputter that leaves my mouth is immediate. “Baby? Afraid of what? Who do you think you are?” This little bastard.

He grabs my finger so quickly I can barely react and nips at it. I try to pull away, but he refuses to let go. “Lockwood. Zavier Lockwood. L-O-C-K-W-O-O-D. Why aren’t you writing this down? It’s going to be your last name one day, too.” His grin is downright wicked.

I turn and purposely hit him in the face with my hair. The groan he lets out proves to have had the opposite effect than intended.

My notepad of ideas sits next to me based on my research so far and I glance over it. Zavier’s Date Ideas for Whooing His Mate: Bowling - Asher’s bitch ass ruined this one Karaoke - Show off my golden pipes Navy Pier, Ferris Wheel - Basic and done before Skip everything and go straight to fucking her senseless - My favorite

Who knew cozy and calming rainy bookstore in Chicago lo-fi music was a thing?

Scanning the room, I spy my unsuspecting victim where he always sits in the back corner of the bar. I make my way over, steps silent. His eyes are closed, and a plan concocts itself in my head. Creeping over stealthily, I avoid running into customers and tables before I lean down behind the man and yell in his ear. “Boo!” Nothing. “Hey!” Nothing. “Are you kidding me, Old Man?” The fun officially sucked out of my plan, I plop down on the chair unceremoniously in front of him. He decides to open his eyes right then, and I swear his hearing and vision are perfect, he just likes fucking with me. “Oh, Zac, it’s you. When did you get here?”

From young man to now he’s always been a kind human but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t drive me batty. Ha. Vampire jokes.

“Date ideas? What do you take me for? I haven’t gone on a date in fifty years.” Mirth dances across his face. “You haven’t either, you crusty old fart. Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Or there’s a showing of that 2000’s vampire romance. If you’re into that stuff.” “What’s wrong with vampires?” I gasp. “Immortal beings that either sparkle or burn in the sun? Pfft.” “Well, both are untrue ... so...” He can’t hear me over his laughter, not that I want him to, but I still feel the need to defend myself. Fucker.

If Celine was ever taken from me... No. I can’t think that way.

death stare. Fisting his apron in my hand, I drag him away from the students and over to the kiln in the back corner of the room. He grins the entire way like he enjoys me yanking him along like a dog on a leash.

“You…” I sigh, planting my hands on my hips. “There’s something strange about you.” His smile somehow gets even bigger than it was before. “Oh, darling, I’m so glad you noticed.” Darling?

Silence continues to greet me, and I look back up into Zavier’s emerald eyes to see excitement bursting in them. For a second, I’m worried he saw right through my inner monologue, but then he smiles the creepiest clown grin I’ve ever seen and bobs his head from side to side while doing a little shimmy dance. “What’s happening?” My arms shoot out in self-defense as I lean away from the clearly unhinged man in front of me. “You.” He squeaks out and puts his hands up in front of his mouth to rest on his chin like a little kid. “Me? I’m failing to see the point.” Tapping my booted foot on the ground I watch him continue to flail in confusion. “You. Called. Me. Zav.” A girly sounding teehee comes out of his mouth and I roll my eyes.

“I’m going inside now. Goodbye ... Zav.” I throw the last part in as I enter the building, and the door shuts behind me, but not before I hear the second squeal, he lets out causing me to shake my head in amusement. Where did he come from? It’s like this man dropped from the sky from some alien planet.

Did I sneak into her apartment to get a pep talk from my hype kitty? Absolutely. Midnight is my best friend. I just can’t let Tom find out or his feelings will be hurt.

The fangboners are getting out of control.

Honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can stay away from Celine. Well ... I already don’t do that great of a job at it, but my inner beast is clawing at its cage every time I walk away from her without staking my claim.

I shake my head. “I don’t get out much.” She narrows her gaze on me, head cocked to the side. “Zav, be for real. You have like twenty odd jobs.” I laugh. “Those are jobs. Usually, I’m just at home by myself.” You know, if I’m not out killing people who deserve it.