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I care about you. I want you to be safe. Please don’t fuck anyone that makes you uncomfortable. It’s going to kill me if it kills you.
If I dug deep enough, I would’ve realized that I wanted her to know me.
In the passing minute, Daisy and I repeatedly glanced at each other. I watched her smile gain more life, which actually pulled my lips upward too.
I whispered, “I’m not fucking scared of you.” If she wanted to dive headfirst, I was going to dive right behind her.
“Your attire needs work.” “I’m not going on a date with you, Cobalt.” “Of course you’re not. I have high standards. Ones that you can’t meet.”
He cups my face with both hands, tugging me closer to his body in a forceful, Ryke Meadows way that says listen to me, sweetheart. “I fucking love you.” Tears build in his eyes. I’m crying more, and his thumb brushes my cheeks. “All I need is you.”
“You’re my family, Dais. And if it’s only the two of us in the end, I’d be just as fucking happy.”
As I home in on the ring, I go quiet, stunned by the unique design. Rectangular diamonds form rays around a circular, yellow diamond. It’s the sun.
No one is leaving me naked in a crowd of people. I won’t let them without my consent. Not anymore.
“One-hundred-and-fifty miles per hour. No brakes.”
“I’m right beside you, Calloway.”
Kindness seems so easy to conquer, and yet I’ve let it rule me.
“You shouldn’t look at me like that,” I tease. “And how am I looking at you?” “Like you love me.” “I do fucking love you.”
Ryke nods to me and mouths, what the fuck? I mouth back, I love you. It makes him smile. It makes me smile more.
“Don’t fall in love with people who are human. We’re going to disappoint you in the end.”
“You’re fucking trouble, Calloway.” She smiles, her hair already blowing as the window rolls down. “Soon you won’t be able to call me Calloway, you know.” “You’ll always be Calloway to me.”
She has a giant, forgiving heart, and no matter how many times people try to burn her, she’s found a way to rise above.
It’s hard not to hone in on the kids during family getaways. Sometimes I wonder: is this how it will always be? Ryke and Daisy: the cool aunt and uncle without any burdens or responsibilities. No little ones to look after or take care of. This could be our forever-title.
“Maybe we should ask Connor Cobalt.” He’s practically a god. Ryke glowers. “Hey, Calloway? “Yeah?” “Don’t say his fucking name while I’m getting you off.”
“Can I talk about making babies with you?”
Before he answers, he kisses me strongly, his abs hard and tight against my body, and I push my waist closer to him and tug down his pants. His muscles constrict, and I wrap my arms around him. He rubs my head tenderly for a second and whispers, “Every fucking day.”
Next thing you know, you’re going to say you’ve never watched Harriet the Spy.”
Rip michelle trachtenberg
“I’m going to fuck you,” he says, yanking off my pants. The cold nips my skin. “I’m going to have sex with you.” He kisses me strongly while lifting my sweater off my head. “I’m going to make love to you.” His eyes bore into mine. “All at fucking once.” His gaze dances over my features. “Not because of a fucking theory. I can’t think of a place I’d rather be right now than with you. Truth is, I can’t think of a place I’d rather be in fifty fucking years than next to you.”
Fear knots my stomach. I’m afraid…that this will hurt more. I asked Ryke not to be scared of me, but I didn’t even take into account that I’d fear myself.
She’s my fucking sun, and even though she’s set tonight, she means nothing less to me. I love her just as fucking madly.
I clasp my older sister’s hand. “Excuse me,” I cut in with a bright smile. “I have to steal this one away.” They look grateful to lose her. I’m grateful to have her.
“I didn’t ask for this, you know,” Lo tells Sam. “Generally, I think I have the kind of face that says: fuck off, don’t you dare goddamn talk to me. Apparently these people woke up blind or stupid because they’re just not getting it.”
So real
“That’s unnecessary.” Connor holds the main security guard’s befuddled gaze and has to add, “He’s my friend. He’s staying with me.” The subtext beneath his declaration hits me harder than it could anyone else. Connor is vouching for me after I punched a man at his party, meaning that he values me above his reputation.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says very slowly so these words sink inside me. “Whatever road we fucking take, it’s going to be okay.” “How do you know?” I wonder. How can he feel this and why can’t I? “Because I fucking have you, Calloway. I don’t need anyone else.”
Why can’t reality be as sweet and victorious as fairytales? I can only clasp Ryke’s hand and wish upon a star that one day, it will be.
It’s just Ryke on a hammock. It’s just me sitting beside him. Our baby in our arms. Happy. Why can’t I have that? Why can only certain girls be “meant” for something? It shouldn’t be bad to want to be a mom. It shouldn’t be bad to want to only have a career. It shouldn’t be bad to strive for both or nothing at all. We all should just be what we want to be.
Lo gestures from his older brother, then to me. “I’ve heard that people spend a really long time finding their soul mates.” I squeeze Lily’s shoulder. She’s been in her soul mate’s arms since she was little. “It took you two long enough, didn’t it?” Lo says. “No thanks to me.” He pauses. “But I want you two to know—from the bottom of my black, decaying heart—I love you both, and the only perfect world has Ryke standing beside Daisy and Daisy standing beside Ryke. Anything less is fucked up. Remember that, will you?” My eyes glass. I’ll remember, Lo.
It’s impossible to forget the kind of love that rattles my bones and screams I am alive every single day of my life.
I’ve felt it all with Ryke. And it’s not solely the wild, crazed events that keep my heart pumping. It’s these small, most inconceivable seconds of time spent together. Our smiles. Our tears. Our limbs shifting or standing still. The instant our lonely souls are filled. I’ve never lived or loved wilder and freer than with him.
She’s beautiful and has more self-confidence than I ever remember her possessing. I’m proud of you, Lil.
I’m not shutting my eyes. I’d rather die inside this moment than miss a single part.
The glimmer in her green eyes, the lightness in her gait, the overwhelming smile stretching her scar—this is the look of someone who’s free. Somewhere along the way, she found her voice. Somewhere along the way, she found her stride. I’m just the grateful fucking guy who was given the chance to stand by her side. Through it all.
Times where we raced faster and farther. Times where we slowed down with one another. And I see us in the sky. I see us in the sun and clouds. In the grass and trees. I see us in everything.
‘When life gets fucking hard, you can always turn to me. You need to run? I’ll run with you, Calloway. Just put on some fucking shoes first.’”
have you fucking beat, sweetheart.” Confusion and curiosity light her big green eyes. “I knew,” I say slowly to her, “that you were the only girl that I’d ever fall in love with—could ever fall in love with—in Cancún, Mexico, on the boardwalk of a bungee jump.” She begins to sob, shaking her head.
“I knew back then, Daisy Petunia Calloway, because you were the only girl I’d ever met that was as deeply caring and as fucking lonely as me. If anyone was going to fill my heart, it was you. Only you.”
“Wherever you go, I’ll go.”
I lick my lips and say, “Ti rispetto e ti ammiro così tanto, amico mio. Mi hai aiutato ad essere altruista.” I respect and admire so much about you, my friend. You helped me be selfless.
His casted leg is stretched out with curse words scrawled in black Sharpie. He didn’t care what we wrote, so I suggested our Favorite Sayings from Ryke Meadows. My favorite: I fucking love you. Willow’s: I don’t fucking understand Tumblr. Lo’s: Fuck you, you fucking fuck. Lily’s: Fucking fantastic. Rose’s: No means no. Better yet, fuck no. Connor’s: Connor Cobalt is a fucking narcissist. Connor’s won the night, but no one wanted to tell him that.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Lily is quiet for a moment before she says, “I’m tougher than you think. You just need to believe in me. You know, like a fairy.” I do believe in fairies. I do. I do. The jubilant chorus from Peter Pan fills my ears.
“They don’t know us, Daisy, but I know you. I watched you grow up. You made me smile when Lo was in rehab, and I saw you fall in love. We have all these moments together, and I don’t want the media to take anything else away from us. Because…we deserve better. We deserve happiness. As sisters. And as friends.”
And I think, Lily Calloway is very, very magical.
“Goddamn,” Lo swears, “the birthday boy is full of fucks today.”
Don’t go just yet. Just stay a little longer. One more day with me.
Crying
He never gives up on me, even when I disappear at night. Even when I wane like the setting sun. His love is unyielding and exists to cloak me through heartache, through misery, through laughter and pain. I love him in every moment. In every smile. In every frown. And I will love him after every long way down.
