Leave Me Behind

by K.M. Moronova

“I’m tired, so it’s okay. If this is where it ends, it’s okay.”

“Either you trust me, or you kill me. I won’t let you keep me as a prisoner.”

Her eyes find mine. I’m entranced by her unwavering devotion, so much so that I don’t realize her gun is pressed against the bottom of my jaw until the cold steel burns my skin. I almost smile.

My teeth grind as I think about how he pulled me off that hostile soldier and tried to cut my throat. I knew he was talking to someone else other than Jefferson. Unfortunately, I doubt Malum will believe me.

“Why did it have to be you?” He scowls in anguish.

Eren doesn’t care to hear what I have to say? He’ll just throw me away and make his brother do his dirty work?

“I can’t fucking do it,”

did you exterminate Bunny?” Bradshaw hears it too and his eyes narrow in agony. It hurts to hear Eren say it so carelessly, like I didn’t mean anything.

Bradshaw studies me, the blood smeared on my mask and my bloodshot eyes. “Go.” His voice is stone.

“I won’t let you die here, Bradshaw. And I can’t return without you.”

We’ll die here together, alone and stranded. We both know it.

A black bullet. I consider the truth and what it might do, but my conscience tells me that Bradshaw deserves to know.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice breaks and his fingers curl into my hair. “I almost… I almost made a huge mistake.”

I trusted Eren with my life and he almost snuffed me out like I was nothing.

I’ll protect you, Bunny. I promise.”

“If it comes down to it and we run out of options, promise that you’ll be the one to kill me,” I say quietly. Bradshaw’s muscles tense beneath me. “Don’t let Eren do it. Don’t let anyone else do it. I want you to be the one.”

black bullet. Patagonia was a nightmare I will never escape from. The things I did there. The things I lost.

“The target is the one in the mask.”

But the important thing is that he’s a marked traitor.

A black bullet killed Abrahm. I killed Abrahm.

“Kill her, Bones. I knew he’d set us up… He fucked me over. Kill her!”

Eren dreamed bigger. He wanted the world. He wanted power.

“Two years ago, he got into a fight with his dealing partner.

Jenkins!??

I think whoever he fucked over may have been the reason for the attack.”

“I hate you!”

“I’m telling you this because I care about you, Bun. I’m sick of lying. I don’t give a shit about your squad, but I wanted to tell you because I can’t lie for him anymore. Not when he wanted me to murder you.”

“You knew the whole time?”

“There weren’t supposed to be any survivors. But you lived. Eren didn’t find out until a few months ago and he doesn’t like leaving anything unfinished.

So he made a few calls and had you recruited to Malum. General Nolan owed him a favor and he promised you’d be safe with us. Eren wanted to use you as insurance to protect me.” My voice seems so loud even though I’m speaking just above a whisper.

“You should’ve killed me… because I’ll never look at you the same.”

My brother has made an enemy that actually keeps him up at night. I’ve never pressed him on it. He’d never tell me anyway.”

“It was me. I shot him.”

She… took him from me.

I can’t hate her. No matter how much I want to. Even for taking Abrahm… And that tears my soul apart.

“So why would I punish you? You’re just the weapon fired, not the evil that wields it.”

Make me a good Riøt and kill me.

Would you watch the light leave my flesh? Would you send the devil back to hell?”

Because you make me feel things I’ve never experienced before. I could never hurt you. I could never let you go.

“I’m so mad at you, Bun, but if you think I’d ever risk losing you…”

“I don’t think I can continue being Bones. Because Bones is heartless and ruthless. But ever since meeting you, I’ve been anything but those things. When I look at you, I feel like my thoughts are no longer blurry. This dark underworld I reign in doesn’t have to be the one I die in.”

He feels that way? My eyes lower and linger on his lips. Even after the things I’ve done. “I want a world with you.”

“Together, our broken pieces can do anything.”

Why would he befriend me if this is how he was intending to throw me away?

“You think a can of apples can fix what we’ve done to each other?”

“I forgive you for Abrahm.”

“All I want is to be by your side. In training, in war, in death. I can’t picture myself anymore without you being there, Bun. You linger in my thoughts, in my fears. But mostly, you’re the cause of all the emotions I feel again. I was dead until you tripped on my foot on the plane.”

“And if you think I’m ever letting you go, you’re wrong. You’re mine. As much as I’m yours.”

“Eren told me you wanted to have a coffee shop. Was that always something you dreamt of?”

You’re mine. As much as I’m yours.

What I feel for Bradshaw is dangerously close to love.