That Last Secret: A Brothers Best Friend Romance (Firsts In The City Book 4)

by Jenn McMahon

“Are you going to make me come, Emiline?” She nods. “I want you to fill me up. I want your cum dripping down my legs when I’m done.” “Jesus Christ. Who are you, and what have you done with my girl?”

If the job disappears tomorrow, I have her, and that’s all I need. She’s all I need. She’s all I want. I just hope it’s enough in the end.

“Have fun at the gym,” she tells me before reaching for one more kiss. “Love you.” I hover over her in shock. What did she just say? Her hand comes up, smacking her over the mouth. Her eyes widen as if she didn’t expect those words to come out.

She. Can’t. Fucking. Love. Me.

At. Least. Not. Yet.

“You didn’t tell me not to!” This time, her voice is stronger and louder. “What did you expect to happen, Logan? We spend so much time together. You spend nights at my place. We have sex about every other day. You’ve been there for me in my darkest times.”

I’ve said it before, but when you’re at the end of your life, lying there, and you see the bright lights when it’s your time to go and your life flashes before your eyes… will you be happy with what you see? Or pissed off because you let the greatest thing that has ever happened to you slip between your fingers.”

The truck finally stops, and I realize I can’t feel my legs. My breathing is erratic as I try to see what’s happening around me. I’m upside down. I can’t fucking breathe. Emiline’s name is the last thing I remember… Before everything around me goes black.

“As I’m sure you know, the test measures the exact amount of HCG in your blood and can even give an estimate of how far along you are,” she says matter-of-factly. “Yes.” I nod repeatedly. “Why are you telling me all of this?” “Because you’re about six weeks pregnant, Emiline,” she says without missing a beat.

I’m pregnant. Logan’s dead. I’m supposed to be taking my boards next week.

I don’t know how I’m going to survive this life without him. But I know I need to do this for the baby. I have to do this.

“Your sister,” she says, clearing her throat as she nervously wrings her hands together. “She’s going to need you.” “What does she have to do with this?” Marc spits out as he stands quickly from where he was just seated. “It’s not my place to tell you the rest.” Peyton shakes her head. “But she’s going to need her big brothers. She’s going to need support.”

This was real. Whatever she and Logan have going on is so fucking real.

“This isn’t how we’re supposed to end. Come back to me. Come back to us. I can’t do this alone.”

“I meant what I said. I love you so much, Logan Bennett.” I cry harder. “Fucking come back to me. I’m begging you.”

“Come back to us!” I shout before I fall apart again.

If he’s such a good friend to us, then why wouldn’t he be good enough for our only sister?

“I’m going to be honest with you here. Do this, Em. Do this for you. Do this for him. Do this for your baby. Whatever reason you need, but you have to take this test. You’ve worked so damn hard, and I know that if Logan was awake right now, he would want you to take this test. I’m sure he would force you to take it the same way I am.”

He’s turned into my biggest supporter. My crutch when I needed someone to hold me up. My anchor keeping me grounded in the darkest of waters. I’m going to be strong. For you, Logan.

“Hey, Logan.” I take his hand in mine, looking from his face down to his limp hand before looking back up at him. “I took my boards today. I hated leaving you, but I wanted you to know I only left because I needed to get that out of the way. Marc drove me there. You would be proud to know I didn’t have a panic attack before I walked in. I remained grounded and focused. I thought of you and everything you’ve always told me. I pictured you telling me I could do it. That I can pass the test and the voices in my head telling me I can’t are just a bunch of liars. I don’t know if those are the exact words you’ve said to me, but I pictured it anyway.”

“I miss you so much, Logan. You have no idea how much I wish I could hear your voice. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I can’t tell you like this. I thought I lost you that night they brought you in. The steady ring of your heart in a flatline is why I can’t sleep. When I close my eyes, I’m right back in that room. Standing in the doorway and watching my best friend do chest compressions while the man I love lay there without a pulse.”

“I’m so tired, Logan. I feel like each minute that passes, the voices grow louder and louder. They tell me I should leave, that you wouldn’t want me here. But my voice is telling me there’s still a chance for us. You left my apartment without another word, but after this… after almost losing you this way… I can’t lose you again. I don’t understand why this is happening to you, and I don’t think I ever will.”

“Do something,” I whisper. “Say something. Please. Tell me you’re here. Tell me you hear me. Give me some sort of sign.” Nothing.

“Everything is great. We just saw some activity on Logan’s heart monitor and wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Logan hears you, Emiline. His heart started beating a little quicker from whatever you were talking about.”

I hear you, Emiline. Wait for me, please. I’m begging you. I’m trying to come back to you, I promise. The light is so bright, and I hear everything you’re saying, but I can’t move. I can’t open my eyes. I need you. Please, don’t fucking leave me.

“You haven’t said anything, and I can speak for all of us when I ask… are you a registered nurse now?”

“I was hoping you would ask.” My smile grows wider. “I wanted to wait until we were all together to tell you. But I passed. I’m officially a nurse.”

I give her three squeezes and she crumbles beside me. She releases a painful cry and falls to her knees in prayer at my bedside.

"I missed you so much. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you like that. I tried so hard to be strong, but I couldn't be. You almost died." "I know, baby. I know." Something flashes in her eyes. That’s the first time I’ve ever called her that, and it feels so good.

"I love you, Emiline," I whisper into her hair. She lifts her head, teary eyes looking up at me with shock.

"I was on my way to you." "You… what?" "When the accident happened. I was on my way to the hospital to tell you all of this. I was in agony over the way I left your apartment that morning. It was eating me up inside and I needed to tell you how I felt."

"I don't think I could ever physically be without you in this lifetime or the next. I'm here and alive because of you. You never left my side. You gave me strength. I heard everything you said and fought like hell to get back to you."

"Look at me, baby." I urge her to keep eye contact with me. "I came back to you. I promise, I’m never, ever leaving you again. Do you hear me?"

"You came back to us." I angle my head in confusion. "I came back to you and my best friends. Yes." "No." She shakes her head, her hand coming to her stomach as I look down and see what she's doing. "You came back to us." "I don't understand."

"I ended up passing out from it. When I woke up, the doctor told me they ran blood work."

"It turns out we’ve been having a little too much fun." My eyebrows furrow as I continue to stare at her. "We're having a baby, Logan."

The news ignites something inside of me I never knew I wanted… needed. A life is growing inside the woman I love more than anything. A life we created together. A life that allows me to see the future so fucking clearly. "All my life…" I start to say but choke on my words from the overwhelming emotion flowing through me. "I've never wanted this."

"I never wanted to find someone to spend my life with. I never saw a future with a wife, kids, or people to come home to. My only focus has always been on my job. From being a little kid and following in my father's footsteps. But I see things a lot clearer now."

"I love you, Emiline Ford. I never want to miss an opportunity to tell you that. You have been the greatest and most unexpected adventure of my life. No part of me feels like you trapped me. We did the dance, which led us here. Sometimes, the most epic love stories go a different route. It looks like ours is taking the road less traveled." She laughs lightly. "You're okay with this?" "I need three to five business days to process that I'm going to be a dad." I bark out a laugh myself. "But, yes. I want this. I didn't know I wanted this, but now that it's in front of me… I can't picture a life without it. Without you."

“You know, there was a time you asked me what I liked. You asked me if I have something I can’t live without. You put me on the spot that day because it was a hard question to answer.” The lift her head to face mine, keeping it on my chest. “The answer will always be you.”

“You said, and I quote, ‘If you ever hurt my sister, I’m going to murder you with my bare hands and make it look like an accident.’” Thomas barks out a laugh, and everyone around us does the same. “But then you also told me to take care of her, cherish her, and be there for her when she needs me. You asked me if I was serious about how I felt, and without hesitation, I said yes.”

“I know this comes as a shock to you too. But after having that conversation with your brothers and thinking things through, I don’t want to be the man who put work before you or our baby. I don’t want to worry about not making it home to you two.”

It’s taken me a lot to get to this point, to actually feel proud of myself, to feel like I’m doing something right in life. I did it, Dad.

“It’s a baby girl,”