The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

if you are constantly fighting about the same stuff and going around and around, it’s probably because of a profound difference between your and your partner’s personalities and your deepest hopes and dreams.

almost all gridlock in your relationship comes from “unfulfilled dreams.”

Ask yourself, is this going to require me to give up on a dream? Because according to the Gottmans, if it does, that’s a problem.

I’ve also noticed in my research that there are a lot of you in long-term committed relationships who wonder: Is there someone better out there? The answer is, you’ll never know. I personally believe this worry is something that dating culture, social media, and romantic comedies have put into your head. There is no perfect person. Everyone has past issues. Everyone has baggage. And the older you get, the more baggage you have. Most people haven’t dealt with it. Only you know whether you truly appreciate what is right in front of you, or if you see everything in life as half-empty. You may think the grass is always greener somewhere else. The fact is, the grass is greener where you water it.

At some point, you just have to choose. And that might mean choosing what is right in front of you. As someone who has been married almost 30 years, I assure you every single couple has faced some really dark and scary times in their relationships. And for the couples who chose to lean in and work together through their issues, struggles, and challenges, not a single one of them regrets it.

But I know a lot of people who have gotten divorced and have a nagging regret that they wish they had worked a little harder to make it work and had the courage to face their issues sooner.

If you stay with someone who doesn’t share the same hopes and dreams that you have, it will make you both miserable.

“loving yourself.” That is the world’s worst advice, because when you’re going through heartbreak, you often hate yourself.

All this sadness is a mentally healthy response to heartbreak.

Remove all environmental triggers.

Give your bedroom a small makeover.

Reach out to friends, siblings, cousins, and co-workers.

Fill your calendar.

Pick a challenge you have always wanted to do.

Keep asking yourself this question.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. What you do with your time does.

What a selfish message

When you stop chasing validation from others and start choosing to honor yourself, you send a powerful message to the world about how you deserve to be treated.

The Let Them Theory is more than just a tool for navigating relationships with others; it’s a guide for how to treat yourself with the love, respect, and kindness you deserve. Let Them be who they are. But more importantly, let yourself be who you truly are.

Relationships are about learning how to love someone for who they are, not for who you wish they could be. In dating, this means letting people reveal who they are through their behavior. In relationships, this means accepting people as they are and not punishing them because they are not who you want them to be.

you accept their behavior as the truth.

You’ve been trying to control the uncontrollable, trying to force the world to conform to your expectations. But what if, instead, you focused on your own response to whatever the world throws your way? You can’t change the weather. But you can change how it impacts you. No matter what happens around you, you decide how it will affect you.

You decide if someone else’s success makes you quit or inspires you to work even harder.

The people and situations around you are like the weather. The fact is, you can never control other people—how

change—if all those thoughts, feelings, and precious moments in your day were put toward something that truly mattered to you, where would you be? Who would you be? What would you have achieved? THAT is the cost of not using Let Them.

They are laser focused on waking up every day and proving, over and over through their actions, that they are worthy and deserving of the vision they have for their life.

Isn’t this narcissistic?

Stop letting the fear of what people might think paralyze you. It’s time to go after your dreams boldly, relentlessly, and unapologetically. Stop tiptoeing around everyone else’s emotions. It’s time to fiercely protect your own peace. Stop letting other people’s success devastate you. It’s time to get to work. Stop making your social life everyone else’s responsibility. It’s time to build the most incredible friendships you’ve ever had. Stop trying to change people who don’t want to change. It’s time to let adults be adults. Stop trying to rescue those who are struggling. It’s time to let others heal how they need to heal.

Stop wasting your time trying to get people to love you. It’s time to choose the love you deserve.

you are responsible

You are responsible

You are responsible for waking up every day and doing the work to make progress on what matters. You are responsible for defining what matters to you. You are responsible for telling the truth even when it’s r...

What! She just said “you are responsible.”

Taking back your power means reclaiming responsibility for your life. It means demanding more of yourself because time is ticking, and you’ve wasted enough of it worrying about things that don’t matter. It means being laser-focused on the things you can control and not giving a single second to the things you can’t.

Having a good boss is what creates good teams. It’s not the size of the budget, the perks, or even the talent—it’s the person leading the team. A good boss can unlock potential, drive engagement, and make a team unstoppable. A bad boss? They do the opposite. They stifle creativity, destroy trust, and create toxic environments where no one can thrive.

there’s a big difference between guiding your team and controlling every move they make. When you micromanage, you suffocate innovation, erode trust, and make it impossible for your team to grow. In other words, a controlling boss is a bad boss.