Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

by Foster W. Cline

PEARL 2 ANGER: WHEN IT’S APPROPRIATE

Kids’ problems should always be met with our empathy. They got themselves into the mess. The gain in their responsibility can be won only if we commiserate with them, not if we shout at them when they’re working it out.

When our kids do something that affects us directly — lose our tools, leave their trikes in the driveway, fail to put our things away after using them — then it’s okay for us to get a bit huffy. They will recognize that we’re angry because their misbehavior has affected us.

Mom did not demean the child with her anger; she didn’t tell Amanda how stupid and irresponsible she was. Instead, she focused on how Amanda’s action affected her and the need for a solution.

a sixty-second rant and a hug afterward, with me saying, ‘The reason I’m so angry, dear, is because you’re the type of kid who could’ve handled the situation so much better.’”

PEARL 3

BEDTIME

The fact is, you cannot make children go to sleep. Their eyes will close and the dreams will descend on them when their body clocks tell them to. All the parental orders in the world can’t make it happen.

Instead of saying, “This is how much sleep you need every night,” the Love and Logic parent says, “This is how much sleep you have an opportunity to get at night because you’re in your room.”

Ask your children if they’d rather have their door open or closed, their room light on or off, their night-light on or off, the radio on softly or off, and so on. Ask your kids if they’d like to hear a bedtime story first or not.

“Would you rather my ‘alone’ time start at 8:00 or at 8:30? Now, when I start my alone time, that means you need to be in your room. You can read if you want, or you can go to sleep. Which time would you prefer?” CHILD: “I don’t know.” PARENT: “Well, if you don’t know, then I’ll pick a time.”