The Dawn of the Cursed Queen (Gods & Monsters, #3)

by Amber V. Nicole

He started to stand, but I was quicker. I lurched forward, my hand cupping the back of his head as my lips slanted across his. Vincent froze, or maybe time itself did. I wasn’t sure, but I swept my tongue across his lips, pleading for entrance. A sound escaped his lips before he grabbed my arms, pushing me back. “What are you doing?” I blinked a few times. “I don’t know.” His eyes scanned mine, something ancient and powerful there before his eyes darted to my lips and back. “Do it again.” And so I did.

They were the only two who had ever been able to reach her. Gabriella had been her heart. Samkiel was her soul.

“You are truly a fool if you think that man would ever stop loving you, Dianna.”

“Did you guys break up?” Miska asked next. “Miska.” Orym’s head whipped toward her as she glanced up at him and then back at me. The people in the tavern kept chattering away, but I said nothing. I had no answers. I was unsure. There was only so much one person could take, and I had given Samkiel a lifetime of reasons not to want me. Because of me, we no longer had our mark or mate bond tethering us. By his customs and laws, nothing bound us together.

“I love you.” Her voice echoed in my head. I would have stayed if I had not opened that portal right then. She’d finally spoken the words I so desperately craved, and it felt as if my soul had ignited when they fell from her lips. My legs had stilled, my body refusing to move, and I’d wanted nothing more than to stay. She’d given up the very fabric of her being for me. I would never be worthy of her, of that kind of love, but I would be a godsdamn liar if I said I wouldn’t try to be.

I wanted to make her promise that we’d never keep things from one another, but I had something I needed to do first. Fear had taken root in my gut, mocking me. I had a throne to reclaim, a crown to take back, and a war to win, but my greatest fear was that I could not protect the one I couldn’t live without.

“Samkiel, I can’t do this. I can’t just act like nothing happened between us. You left and⁠—” I turned and froze, every muscle in my body seizing. It wasn’t in fear of the hundreds of flying bugs that probably infested this city, but because Samkiel, World Ender, Destruction Incarnate, and the legendary God King throughout all twelve realms, was kneeling before me. His hand was raised, and he held a shimmering silver ring that held a rhombus-cut, clear jewel. The band gleamed in the low light, and the main stone and the four smaller gems surrounding it sparkled like starlight. Power wafted from it, pure blinding power that I could nearly taste.

Even more than the fight, there was the fact that I hurt everyone I loved. I’d hurt him, and I refused to do it again. “Why would you ask me this?” He flinched as if I’d slapped him. “Because I love you.”

“Stop.” I raised my hands. “Stop making excuses for me. We both know the truth. I am not good for you. We are no good together. My entire existence, ours, is to kill one another.” “I know what you’re doing, and I hate it.” He stepped forward, and I took another back, maintaining the space between us because I had to. I needed to. He watched it, caught the movement, and his eyes burned hotter than any flame I could summon. “Don’t do that. Don’t you dare shut me out again, not like on Rashearim, not now, not ever.”

“You’re being a coward!” he shouted after me. My feet stopped abruptly, and I turned back to him. “What?” “You heard me. You’re a coward. You are afraid of this, and what it means, so you’re doing what you always do. Shutting down, protecting yourself because you think I’ll hurt you. You’re running because this scares you.” He stomped out of the ruined building, the dirt kicking up around his feet. “And you don’t get to run away when you get scared. You don’t get to abandon me when it’s tough, Dianna. Never again.”

“You promised not to do this. When we were on that damn balcony, you promised that you’d stay no matter what. You promised you’d never abandon me again.” I pulled away from him, tears in both our eyes. “You ask too much of me, and I don’t know if I can give it.” Samkiel didn’t back down. “So removing your actual soul is alright, but this? Marriage? Is it too much for you?”

The physical pain I’d felt when Samkiel disappeared into the ground in front of me was nearly as bad as when death ripped my soul in two. It threw me right back to that moment, to the anguish of holding him in my arms as he died. I knew I’d burn oceans to mist, skies to dust, and worlds to rubble to keep him near. Love was too dull of a word for what I felt for him and one I hated to say. It meant nothing. I understood now why they had stories of losing an amata and why Logan was feral when he felt Neverra in Yejedin. I understood now and knew the true loss of another’s soulmate was one of the worst pains known in any realm.

Their exoskeletons crunched between my teeth, the sounds of their death cries filling my ears. I reveled in it. I’d make anything that touched him dead, and I’d enjoy it.

“How could I not be completely and utterly in love with you?” “You love me?” My heart melted. “With everything I am and everything I ever will be.”

He reached beneath his armor and pulled out the ring he’d wrapped in a piece of thin black material. “Dianna. Ayla. Akrai. My world. My life. My love. Will you marry me?” “No.” His brows drew together so tightly I worried about his face freezing that way. My smile was so big it made my cheeks hurt. “I’m kidding. It’s yes. It’s a thousand times, yes.”

“Did I misspeak?” he asked, glancing back at me over his armored shoulder. “No, it just sounds like you want to perform a ritual we can’t actually do since I have no soul. We aren’t super, special mates anymore, remember?” “We are to me,” he said, not missing a beat. “We can still perform it. The mark will not appear, but in all ways, you will be what you call in your world my wife.”

“Sami.” My heart lodged in my throat as another realization struck me. “You planned all this while you were gone?” He looked at me as if I had grown horns. “Yes. If we cannot share the mark, I want the next best option. I want everyone who encounters us to know who we belong to. I want something that can protect you when I cannot. I thought I’d made my intentions very clear?”

“But right now, we don’t know when or if we will have time for this again. Every time we get a brief bit of happiness, it is ripped from us. I refuse to wait anymore. I want you, all of you. I love you, all of you, and if I have to carve out time for this, for us, by the old gods and the new, I will do it.”

“I want you to make this your new home… I want you to make this our new home. Fill it with laughter and joy like only you can. I want to fight with you here, love with you here, and fill it with our family. Only you can give me this, Dianna. I can give you the house, but only you can make it our home.”

“I think you’re lucky all the goddesses aren’t here for this. They’d be so jealous of you.” “Me?” I laughed. “No, but you? In an old book I once read, there was a goddess of flowers and herbs, a healer. That’s who you remind me of.” Color tinted her pink cheeks a darker hue as she smiled. She was so unused to receiving compliments it made me want to burn Jade City twice. “I’m not anything special. The others could heal better than me. They’d have your king completely well by now.”

want you to start over. You can be something this world doesn’t stamp a label on. You have a home with us, Miska. Our family may be small right now and a little broken, but it’s a family that will always stand by you.” Miska smiled and hugged me gently. A knock came from the doors, and she stepped back as I rose.

Reggie clasped his hands behind his back. “I can tell you with a hundred percent accuracy that there is no vision I have ever seen where he changes his mind about you.”

“So what do you say? My adopted father died with my adopted mom when Rashearim fell, and my real father sent me away, then was mind tortured and tried to kill me. So, do you want to be my stand-in daddy?” “Never repeat those words.” He rubbed his brow before dipping his head slightly. “But, yes. It would be my honor to escort you, Dianna.”

She nodded and cupped my cheek, her lips slanting over mine. I closed my eyes in what I knew she thought was appreciation. But I was imagining Camilla, trying to chase away the feel and taste of the bitch touching me. I thought of her laugh, the way she smelled, and how soft her lips were beneath mine. I imagined the taste of her lips when I’d press her against the nearest wall on the way to lunch just to steal a few kisses.

He looked at me as if I were the most beautiful thing in the world. I hoped he saw the same adoration in my gaze. I didn’t know how I’d ever looked at or touched another before him. This was it. He was it. He was my everything.

I threw my head back and laughed. When I looked at him, he was just staring at me, dumbstruck. “What?” I asked. “Nothing,” he whispered roughly. “I just love you.”

“I love you, Samkiel, and I don’t need a soul to feel that.”

“My akrai. My Dianna. My love.”

I shrugged. “Samkiel Martinez. It sounds funny.” “Mhmm.” He shifted to straddle the bench, pulling me between his spread thighs and wrapping me in the warmth of his arms. “It sounds like I am yours, and you are mine.”

Samkiel shook his head, and I felt his muscles bunch beneath my hand. “No, not a comet or a star.” I glanced at his face and saw that he had paled. “Then what is it?” “A casmirah. I have only ever read about them. They are rare, mythological creatures that only fly through the sky to herald a new ruler. One flew for my father, and now one flies…” His words trailed off, his eyes darting from me to my hand, and we both stared at my ring. “Oh.”

“A casmirah was spotted last night shooting across the sky. I take it that you know its meaning?” “Very well. I have seen only five in my existence. They are never wrong about their choices.” Orym scratched his brow. “Then you know the East is gone,” he said, placing a small handwritten note on the table. “Veruka sent me an update. Everything is gone because of⁠—” “Dianna,” I interjected, placing my tea down.

“You know, if Nismera finds out the two of you are fucking, she will kill you both.” “She thinks you and I have a thing. I doubt she will suspect there is anything between Vincent and me,” I said, snatching the brush from him.

Apparently, slaying millions of beings together drew them closer because I had heard them together numerous times since they returned. Once again, Nismera came first, and I was tossed aside.

“I hate to burst your bubble, but you deciding after years that she is finally good enough for you will not work. Even if you manage to drag her back after you murdered her sister and her actual love, she’ll never touch you again, never love you again. You will never be Samkiel.”

Now I knew why I hadn’t been able to find Vincent. He was at her side. Jealousy made me chew the inside of my lip as he stared at her with a soft smile on his lips. I hadn’t seen him in days, and the one time I’d heard him come back and stop near his door, I heard them together inside. Maybe kissing me made him realize how much he really missed her, and now that she had finally given him the time of day again, he was done with me. It seemed I’d only been a distraction.

I should have known. Why did I ever think I could change him? He wouldn’t even change for his chosen family. I was nothing to him, to no one. My magic must have started to leak because Kaden dropped his hand to mine, interlacing our fingers. He took the brunt of my magic. He didn’t react to the burn, but his touch grounded me. It was such a simple gesture, a kind one, and kindness was something I did not expect from Kaden. Maybe he was right. I knew nothing of him and Isaiah.

The stolen glances and midnight kisses had heightened my need and made me… hope. He made me believe that maybe there could be something, that maybe I wasn’t alone. Then I had to watch him put his hand on her waist and laugh with her as they danced. The way she couldn’t keep her hands off of him made my blood boil.

and even though he didn’t move away from me, I felt him drawing back. This time, I wouldn’t let him retreat back into that persona he wore so well. I wouldn’t let him hide behind his fear of Nismera and her retribution, going back to pretending he cared for nothing and no one. “Me,” I whispered. “You have me.”

“I can’t,” he gasped the words. “You can, though.” I grabbed his arms and gazed up at him. “And if not, I refuse to let this be my life. I will not have half of you. Stolen kisses behind closed doors are not enough. I will not stay here under her rule. I will leave when I get the chance, despite the risk of her killing me if I am caught, but I refuse to be a ghost here, unfulfilled and lonely.” His eyes dilated at my words, his chest heaving. My fingers dug into his arms. “Fight, Vincent. Fight for something you want for once. Otherwise, let her kill you. Because this? This is not living. Not for you and not for me.”

It wasn’t sweet or slow as before. No, this was feral, wild, and possessive. I gasped as his hands cupped the back of my head, and he tilted my head.

My chest heaved, and my pulse quickened, but I knew what I’d heard. “But I heard,” I said, wanting to believe so much, but I would not ignore what I knew. “I went to check on you the other night, and I heard you in your room. The sounds…” Vincent stood a fraction taller, pressing every hard edge of himself into me. He stepped between my legs and ground his hardness where I ached for him, those cerulean blue eyes burning as he stared down at me. “Myself.” His thumb caressed my lips in one sweep, and he thrust his hips against me. “After you got me worked up, as you put it.”

His hand left my face and dipped to my shoulder, brushing the stray hairs from my collarbone before placing his hand not just atop my breast but over my heart. “Vincent.” My voice was as breathless as I felt. “Don’t.” His eyes darted to mine, and I knew this was a mistake. “Don’t leave me. I’ve hurt and pushed everyone away, everyone that meant anything. You are all I have now.”

My hand caressed the side of his face. “I won’t leave you.” I placed a kiss on his lips and then pulled back a fraction. “We go together or not at all. Deal?” He nodded, our breaths mingling before his lips crushed mine.

I could kiss Camilla for the rest of eternity and never tire of it. It was the only time my bruised and wounded soul knew peace.

“I’d fall to my godsdamn knees right now to have just a taste of you,” I said, trailing a blistering path up the column of her throat. “To see how far I could stick my tongue in you before you screamed, but she’d taste it.” “Good,” was Camilla’s breathless response before she nipped at my lips.

I groaned as I lifted her dress to her hips and pressed my leg between her thighs, spreading them wider. “I want to fuck you so badly, Camilla. You are all I think about, all I dream about, all I want.”

My hand, nice and mobile once more, whipped out, popping him in his armored chest plate. He looked at me, confused. “Don’t do that again.” “What? Destroy those who threaten you with my blade?” “No. You don’t ask me to choose.” His eyes softened. “Dianna.” “Don’t Dianna or baby or akrai me,” I said, meaning every word as I pushed him again. He didn’t stumble or even move, really, and that just made me even more mad. “You will not like the outcome if you ask me to choose between you and someone else again. And I don’t care if you huff or roar or stay pissed at me. I am not the hero. That’s your job.”

“Sami.” I hadn’t realized I had reached out to him along our bond until his terror flooded me. He felt my fear, my apprehension, and I heard him scream my name.

I echoed his cry, the edges of our Ig’Morruthen wings shedding embers from where they’d touched that net. His eyes met mine, and my breath caught. It wasn’t just any Ig’Morruthen. It was Cameron. We were both flightless now and spiraling toward the ground, our wings damaged. The air ripped at us, and despite my anger and hate, I curled my damaged wings around him, cocooning us both. We crashed to the ground in a heap of dust and gravel.

I pushed myself up, trying to stand and go to him. My scream bounced around the cell as my back tore open, and I collapsed onto the cot with a sob. Samkiel rushed past the bars and knelt before me, gripping my hand. “It’s okay. I’m here,” he said. His voice was like music to my fucking ears. I hadn’t just lost my leader and my king when I thought he’d died, but also my best fucking friend.