The Dawn of the Cursed Queen (Gods & Monsters, #3)

by Amber V. Nicole

Orym made a noise low in his throat. “How did you not die?” I met his gaze, a soft smile playing on my lips as I heard Dianna’s laugh echo through my mind. “Someone I love very much found me and saved me.” “Ah.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “In my culture, we don’t refer to them as just amata. They are your great love. Is she your great love?” I nodded, staring at the top of the tent. “The greatest.” “Is she…?” His voice trailed off. I knew his question, knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if Dianna was still alive, and I knew she was. I knew it with every fiber of my being, even if I could not feel her from here. I could not explain it even if I tried, but that warmth, that spot inside my body that burned only for her, still burned vibrantly. That light had not gone out. “She is.”

“Is she nice? My Wyella was kind. She would give her last breath to those she cared for. She did exactly that.” I turned my head toward Orym as he spoke of his lost love, and I wondered if he needed a friend more than rescue. “She is kind… well, it depends, honestly. She loves very deeply and cares for those who are hers, but she has nothing but fury for her enemies.” I smiled to myself. “I always suggest getting on her good side.” “Ah.” Orym grinned. “You have a fiery one.” My smile was pure and genuine. “Oh, you have no idea.” Orym nodded, his smile slowly fading. “Protect it. What you have with her. This world will strip it bare. It’s not the same realm you and your father left. Only death lives here now.”

I just wished Dianna were here. I missed her. This was the longest we had been apart since Onuna, and I hated every fucking second of it. Every crackle of leaves or noise pulled me from my sleep, expecting to see red eyes. I wanted her to find me, but I knew she wouldn’t, not until I left here or got a message to her. These realms were dangerous, even for my brave, fiery girl. I needed to know she was safe, alive, and whole. I glanced down at my finger and the empty space where a mark should be and cursed. She was my amata, and yet it hadn’t shown. If I just had it, I could feel her, sense her, and let her know where I was, but it was not there. The patch of skin remained bare, an empty space where my soulmate bond should be.

Her beak grew closer. “Ah, you have not succumbed to your wounds yet because you smell of the old worlds.” Another breath. “Rashearim.” My pulse quickened at the mention of my home. She inhaled deeply again. “You are another of Unir’s blood, only made of silver light like her.” My head whipped toward her. “I am nothing like Nismera.” “No, you are the lost king. Guardian. Protector. You are a long way from home, King of Rashearim.” I swallowed, and the chains containing her massive form rattled as she sat. “Your light burned the sky and ripped the world, yet you stand before me. How is this so?” “Someone I love saved me.”

“A great darkness hovers around you, King of Rashearim. It smells of the old one. Ancient. Powerful. Bloodthirsty. Perhaps Nismera is not the only evil being in this realm.” I knew she was speaking of Dianna. She could sense her imprinted on my soul. “Dianna is not evil.” “Your love for a creature of death will be your demise.” “Will you do it or not?” The toruk lowered her head until her face hovered inches from mine, her powerful beak taking up most of my vision. “She is your beloved?”

“I’ve never loved or been so consumed by another, nor will I ever again.” “Very well.”

I barely had time to grasp the emptiness before a shirtless Vincent shoved me against the neighboring wall. My eyes raked over him even as he held the cold blade of a knife pressed against my throat. Oh. Not a shirtless Vincent, but a very naked, very well-endowed Vincent. “You’re naked,” I whispered, shutting my eyes tightly. “Oh gods, I’m so sorry.” “It’s my room. I can be,” he snapped back, clearly agitated. Half of his body was pressed against me, and I didn’t dare risk a look down to see what else was touching me. Stop thinking about naked Vincent, you sex-starved psycho!

He turned, giving me the opportunity to examine his perfectly muscled backside, but it was the zig-zag patterns of scars that covered his back that drew my eyes. His long, dark hair partially covered them. I wondered if that was why he kept it long. Did he use the silky strands as a veil to hide things he wished others not to see?

“I didn’t come for pity. I just wanted a friend. Back on Rashearim, we used to talk, and I miss it. I don’t have anyone else here to talk to.” And it was true. He glanced at me, nothing but cold, hard steel in his gaze. “We are not on the remains of Rashearim, and I’m not a good friend to anyone, Camilla. Do yourself a favor and find another.”

We were running out of time, and he could very well be at Nismera’s doorstep. The worst part was I didn’t even know where Nismera was. I didn’t even know what fucking world she was on. I couldn’t save my own damned sister. Why did I think I could save him?

“It’s been a week.” I felt the words leave my lips on a half-cry. “The lead we had went dead days ago, and I still don’t know what planet he is on now. There are hundreds and hundreds of them, Reggie. If he…” I didn’t finish it. I didn’t want to. “Tell me that you’d not feel it if he was with her? If she killed him? Look at me and tell me you’d not feel something.” “How would I feel it?” I snapped, holding my hand up and showing him my bare finger. “I gave it up, remember? For him. I feel nothing, Reggie. No spark or connection, just hunger and emptiness and…” Fear.

“I know. It’s just that I love him, Reggie. Like real stupid, mushy love, and now I am afraid I won’t get to tell him.” I wiped my chin on my sleeve. “He didn’t even remember dying in the tunnel or what we said… I’m just⁠—”

“There you guys are. I found some more herbs we can use… Dianna, why is your face red?” I wiped my hand across my mouth. “I ate the guards.” Miska looked at me and shrugged. “Okay. Are we leaving now? Did you find where Samkiel is?”

Miska bounced toward me with a small sack of treats in hand, telling me how she would save enough to give Samkiel when we found him since we were so close. Her enthusiasm and kindness seemed to stoke the flames burning in my chest. Her thoughtfulness reminded me so much of Gabby.

“My eye does not work on you, so I ask, what does the King of Rashearim mean to you?” “Everything.” I didn’t hesitate or pause. I didn’t have days to think about it, nor would I deny it as I had so many times before. No more would I run from what I felt and have the world suffer for it. I’d lost him because I couldn’t tell him, because I was too afraid to tell him, and I was about to lose him once more. “He is everything to me.”

“I don’t need you to, but these people are also important to him. I need you to take them somewhere safe until I return with Samkiel.” She looked at me as if I had grown three heads. “You would go and save the King of Rashearim?” My hands dropped to my hips. “Oh, I would level the universe for him, but he told me to be good, so I’ll stick to saving him instead.”

Jiraiya started begging, and my heart thudded. “It’s not what it…” Isaiah growled, low and feral. “Go ahead, lie before you die. Do you think the old gods will welcome you for it?” There was a strangled gasp as if Jiraiya were choking. “Why do you care so much, anyway?” “I don’t like when people touch what belongs to me.” Belong to him? My mind reeled, fear sweeping through me. Jiraiya’s scream died, and somehow, it was worse that I didn’t see what had happened. Everything was horribly silent, but then I heard the squeak of boots wading through blood as he drew near.

His free hand reached up, gently brushing the hair away from the side of my face. I wanted to laugh. He was such a contradiction, shifting from pure brutality to tenderness so quickly. He had just turned the guards and Jiraiya into a heap of blood and limbs, and now he was touching me as if I were made of glass. “What is it about you that has me so enamored?” he asked the empty shell that was me. He studied me for a moment longer before shaking his head. “We need to get you cleaned up.”

I had no friends here, and I was a fool even to consider there could be anything between us. A fool to wish it. What was wrong with me? Why did I always find myself attracted to the ones who were completely wrong for me? Dianna and now Vincent? I placed my head on the table and sighed again.

The sun hung high, casting a shimmering glow over the city below, and far off at the curve of the planet, I could see an ocean. “It’s beautiful.” “It is. And quiet. No guards or people staring, no whispers. Just silence.” He looked at me. “And no one up here looks at me like the bastard traitor I am.”

“Have you thought of apologizing?” “There is nothing to apologize for. It would only make me a liar. I did what Nismera asked from the beginning. I always will.” Pain flared in his eyes. “I belong to Nismera. She is who I want, who I have to want. The only one.” “That’s not fair to you. What about what you want?” He met my gaze, something burning in those cobalt eyes. “I can’t have what I want.”

“You keep my head quiet, I suppose. I can just exist around you. If that makes sense. I don’t have to talk or be anything. That’s why.” His words touched a lonely, vulnerable part of me, easing the ache of loneliness that had been constant since being here. I’d never had anyone just want to be around me. Everyone wanted me for my power, not just me.

Hunger was at the top of my list of problems. I couldn’t tell Kaden, and even if I did, he wouldn’t help. I needed to find Dianna, beg for forgiveness, and hope she’d help me long enough to find Xavier. She could kill me after that. I just needed to find him.

“No one knows how, but we assume Blood Scorn helps. Now that the other brother has returned, he will make her beasts, and then there will be no stopping her. We are doomed because our only hope now bleeds into the sky.”

“You found me.” Dianna nodded, lowering her arm. “I’ll always find you.”

He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Because I cannot cover your mouth that well on top. We’ve learned that the hard way. And with how I’ve missed you these last few weeks, I am sure you’ll be screaming.”

“Gods, how long has it been?” His breath tickled my lips. “Three weeks, four days, and sixteen hours.” I laughed, sliding my hands over his shoulders and leaning back. “You counted?” He looked at me as if I’d asked him the stupidest question. “I always count when you’re away from me.” I nipped at his nose and smiled. “Stalker.”

I didn’t care if he was mad at me for not immediately being Team Orym. I couldn’t. His own family, the people he would have done anything for, betrayed him. As a result, he got a death spear rammed through his gut, and they left him to bleed to death on the floor. They didn’t just take him from the world but robbed me of him, our future, and any plans we had. They nearly took the one person I cared about the most. I’d never be trusting when it came to him or his safety, never sweet or kind if I thought he was in danger. I wanted to be daggers and steel and something the realms could fucking choke on.

My hand stilled behind his head. “Gabby was stolen from me because I trusted others. You were… I will not do it again. I can’t.” His hands drifted to my hips, gripping as if to stabilize me on this plane. It was as if he was afraid if he let go, I’d float away to that damaged dark place where all my demons waited. “I know.”

He grinned and withdrew his hand, wrapping me in his arms and pulling me close. “I can honestly say I have never done that in the history of my life.” I giggled. “Really? Not even in your wild youth with those handsy nymphs?” He shook his head and rested it against the wall, completely relaxed and spent. “Not even once. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I do you.” “Yeah, you better say that,” I said, nipping at his chin. “How do you do that?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips. “Which part?” “Drive me completely insane.” “It’s a gift.” I pressed another kiss to his lips. Samkiel tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, tenderly swiping his thumb across my cheek. “Can you do it to me forever?” My eyes softened along with the angry, blackened heart in my chest. “Forever,” I said softly.

We barely made it out of the room before Samkiel whirled me around, pushing my back against the cool stone. His hand clenched on my jaw, and his lips slanted over mine in a punishing kiss. “Don’t pull away from me again.” I blinked, not knowing what he was talking about, but then I remembered what happened in the dining hall earlier. “Seriously?” His leg wedged between my thighs, the hard muscle pressing against my sex at just the right angle. I moaned, and he ate it with a kiss, claiming the sound. “I don’t like it,” he said against my lips. I bit at his lower lip and tugged hard. “Well, I don’t like you reminiscing about the good old days with beings that aren’t me.” His brows furrowed. “I wasn’t, nor would I ever. I’m extremely comfortable with you, Dianna. That means I can be my entire self. I may say things, but I never meant to hurt you. I share every part of myself with you. Besides, there is no competition when it comes to you. Not for me.”

His eyes didn’t soften at my words. “What else am I missing, Dianna?” You died. It was on the tip of my tongue. It was right there. If I told him, it would make sense to him why I’d asked Reggie and not him, why I felt so empty when it came to feeding, and why, above all, I had been so overprotective. I could tell him, and then I’d have to tell him everything. It would ruin his hope for The Hand. I would have to tell him I had given up the one thing he wanted most of all, traded it for his life, and a part of me was terrified. It meant I’d have to tell him my one true fear and why touching him reassured me so damn much. Why, I desperately needed to know that I was wrong and that he still wanted and cared for me. What if I’d given up our mark, and we weren’t mates anymore? What if I had saved his life but, in turn, ruined mine?

He leaned back a fraction, gazing at me, and I thought he knew just how terrible I was at lying. I thought he knew it all, but my stress died the second he held his hand toward me, his pinky finger extended. “Pinky swear.” “Pinky swear?” I repeated. “Yes, it’s the law and an unbreakable promise, as you said before. I will only believe you if you do.” I couldn’t stop the grin or the god-awful feeling I had when I hooked his finger with mine and lied and lied and lied. I was a cruel, awful bitch. And I loved him.

“Why do you have her?” I asked again, unable to look away from Imogen. She just stared straight ahead, her blue eyes so far away it broke my fucking heart. I had been avoiding her because I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t see her, without needing to take her away from this, to save her. If I did that, I knew I’d be locked up somewhere and skinned alive. Then, I’d never be able to save them. I had to find Dianna.

I felt my eyes flare red, but I just chuckled. “Listen, all I’m saying is everyone is a little gay. We’ve all sucked dick before. We’re immortal. It’s normal, but I won’t be your willing sex slave like Dianna.”

“Slow down,” Samkiel said, grabbing my arms to ground me with his touch. “Talk to me. What happened? What did you see? Did you find the weapon?” I nodded, hating what I was about to say. “Yes, but I don’t know how to tell you this. I ate Taotl, but my blooddreams haven’t worked since Rashearim. They didn’t return when I got my powers back. I didn’t see this, Samkiel.” “What? Just tell me, Dianna.” “The weapon…” I swallowed. “It’s not a thing. It’s a person. It’s Logan.”

Taotl took one step closer, then another, as if he had forgotten how to breathe. As he neared, a familiar swirling mass of dark mist engulfed his form, and I lost my breath, too. Her piercing red eyes stared as if she could see into my soul. Dianna. I know that name! I know her! My friend. Our friend. Our queen. “Are you in there, buddy?” Her words filled the dark, empty expanse of my mind, echoing through my memories. “Yes!” I screamed. I yelled. I fought, but my mouth did not move. My legs, arms, and body remained still and motionless. “Logan, if you can hear me, know that Samkiel is alive. We will not stop fighting for you and the rest of our family. We will bring you home, okay?” My heart thudded. I felt it, even if it was only for a second, and I wanted to hold on to it. I wanted to latch myself to it and force my body to move, make anything move.

“And don’t you have enough fun as it is? How much more fun do you need?” Samkiel was quiet for a second. “Having fun and having a distraction or three are very different things. I have distractions, Logan. Never forget that. I do not have fun.” As we walked out of the auditorium, I wondered just how much of himself he buried that none of us were aware of.

My thoughts died, and if I had control over my body, my heart would have leaped into my throat when Isaiah’s eyes met mine. It was cursed and damned and wrong, but the only time I didn’t feel like an empty shell was when he was near me or looking at me.

Even stuck in my head, I at least knew my body was safe with him. I didn’t sleep in this state, not like I had before. But Isaiah gave me his bed, said the words that made me lay down, and he slept on the floor. I stared at the ceiling and wondered why he did it until sunlight filled the room and the day repeated. He never tried to touch me. It was quite the opposite, as if he were afraid to, and I didn’t mind one bit. It was strange to feel peace when I could feel nothing at all.

He whispered the command, and I followed once more, a part of me wondering if I would follow him even without the words.

Dianna had snuck me up to the upper levels the night after the brawl, and seeing Logan damn near made me weep. I hugged him and hated that he did not hug me back. He stared at me, no flicker of emotions or life, just emptiness, and I hated it.

“I just wanted you to see him. I’m sorry.” I pulled back a fraction to look at her. “I know. It’s not that. It’s… I had this hope that if I found them, maybe if they saw me and knew I had come for them, it would help break whatever trance they were in. But when I saw him, held him…” I shook my head. The swell of emotions and pure heartbreak were almost crippling. “He didn’t even flinch or respond. What if⁠—” Her lips slanted over mine, stopping me mid-sentence. My body relaxed, the taste of her warmth driving the cold, dead feeling from my heart. Her mouth teased mine, moving over it in a way that sent my heart racing and my blood pumping. She pushed at my chest, rolling me onto my back. “We will save him, save all of them, okay? Don’t give up hope.”

I felt like an untried youth when it came to Dianna. No matter what we did or how often she touched me, I still craved her. If I had my way, I’d take her every damn day, multiple times a day, if I could, and that frightened me. I’d never been so consumed or obsessed with another. Dianna was not just a want but a pure, blinding need.

thought about how to word what I was going to say next without starting a fight. “I wish for you to rely on me more, is all. You’re no longer alone. If you’re hungry or need something, I want you to ask me. Let me help.” Her gaze softened, even if a hint of apprehension remained. “Okay.” “Okay.” I scanned her face before nodding. “Be careful.” “Pinky promise.” She raised her hand toward mine, and I took it, wrapping my small finger around hers.

It wasn’t until lights-out and a hush fell across the prison that I knew Dianna had lied to me.

Her hand froze on the door. “I think the real question you should be asking is why is Nismera so concerned about making such strong weapons?” My lips turned downward. “That’s easy. She fears Dianna.” Her eyes went dark, but she held my gaze. “Nismera fears The Eye. So ask yourself, what makes a goddess afraid?” Veruka opened the door and walked out. I stared after her, wondering just exactly what would scare Nismera.

Samkiel chewed the inside of his cheek and glanced away, nodding. He didn’t say anything for a moment before raising his hand and summoning an ablaze dagger. My entire body tensed, and my heart raced, my blood pounding in my ears. “What are you doing?” Samkiel took a step toward me but stopped short. “We can do this one of two ways. It’s your choice, but you will feed here and now from me.” My mouth watered, and heat pooled in my core at the prospect. “Sami.” I swallowed. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” His brows furrowed. “Yes, I do.”

I couldn’t stop the moisture that threatened to blind me as I looked at him. “You fed me then?” He shook his head as if it was no inconvenience. “Well, I most certainly couldn’t let you die.” “I thought you hated me back then, and here you are, shoving your wrist in my mouth.” I choked on a laugh. “My feelings for you have been a lot of things, mostly confusing back then, but never hate. Never you.” “Same,” I said before standing on my tiptoes, kissing him once before pulling back. My hand slid over the necklace I’d given him and rested on his chest, that steady, rhythmic beat against my palm.

“All right then. I know my limits, and you haven’t even come close to touching them yet.” He tipped my chin once before angling his wrist toward me. “Now, let me take care of you.” He held his wrist to my lips, his words ricocheting through my chest. My gaze raked over him as I cupped his hand and forearm. I stepped into his embrace, and he enclosed me in his arms, turning me so my back was pressed against his chest.