The Last Letter

by Rebecca Yarros

Havoc

Great name for a dog!

“A pen pal? Like I’m some fifth-grade project with a sister school?”

“Someone once told me that swearing is a poor excuse for a crap vocabulary.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, knowing he couldn’t hear me. “Thank you for her.”

But there was something to be said for the possibilities of a blank piece of paper.

“Sometimes you have to leave so you can know what it is you left. You don’t really value something until you’ve lost it.”

What would it be like to have someone ground you? Was it comforting to feel that safety? Or was it suffocating? Was it the kind of force you relied on or the type you fled?

I could have been in a room with a dozen people I knew—I still would have been alone.

“Am I sick?”

“Then it’s good that I’m in a hospital. They make you better in hospitals.” I kissed her forehead. “That, they do.”

“We’re not leaving here until you give me a diagnosis. Do you understand me? You will not wash your hands of her, or me. You will not treat her as a mystery you simply couldn’t solve. I didn’t go to medical school, but I can tell you that she’s sick. Her blood work says it. Her hip says it. You did go to medical school, so figure. It. Out.”

Focus on the ten. Ten was better than nine. Ten was…everything.

We regret to inform you that your brother, SSG Ryan MacKenzie, has been killed in action.

classified. When there were no more letters from Chaos, I had at least one of those answers. They were both gone. I broke.

I’ll save you a seat on the other side, brother, but take your time. Take every single second you can. You are the only brother I would have wished for, and my very best friend. And just in case no one ever told you—you’re worthy. Of love. Of family. Of home.

I was alone. Ella was alone. And we’d remain that way, because we’d never be together. I’d seen to that when I’d stopped writing the day Ryan died.

“This is Havoc. She’s a retired military working dog.” “You her handler?”

“I was. Now I think she’s mine.”

She wasn’t the child-killer in the room. I was.

She’d kept me alive. She’d given me gravity when everything went sideways. She’d opened the window to show me another life was possible. I’d destroyed her world and abandoned her, and she had zero clue. I was just a stranger to her.

Because somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I’d fallen in love with her.

hopefully we’ll get the okay soon, and I’ll be able to keep that date we set for a Telluride tour, if you’ll still have me. Warning, I’m bringing your brother, and lately, he smells.

I’ll be able to introduce myself to you, and in the meantime, you’ll wonder if every stranger who comes to your door might be me. One day, it will be.

The worst thing about going through so much in such a short time? You can’t afford to feel anything about…anything, or you end up feeling it all.

The lies had always been worse than the leaving.

But needs came in seasons, right?

The guy’s reflexes were insane. He’s special operations, moron.

But this? I don’t know how to be enough for this.

“Hiya, girl. Do you like the lake? It’s my favorite. What kind of name is Havoc?” And boom. I was done for.

“Don’t swear.” “Crap’s not a bad word,” he mumbled. “Close enough. There’s always a better word to use, and I have a feeling your mom makes sure you’re educated enough to find them. Make her proud.”

You, them, this place was the home he so badly wanted to come back to, and when he talked about you, it was like he had this tiny moment of reprieve from the hell we were living. So, I’m incredibly sorry that your privacy has been violated. You have no clue how sorry I am, but I can’t go back in time and ask him not to overshare, and if I had that magical time button, I’d use it for something far better, like saving his life. Because he should be here. Not me. But I’m the one he sent, and I’m staying.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you around.” “Then I guess you will.”

“No, that’s okay. I’d honestly rather read it here. With you.”

“She looks like such a docile little thing. You’d never guess she’d be capable of ripping someone apart.” “She’s like any other woman in that regard, ma’am.”

I’d rather be great for a few people than be mediocre for a bunch.

Besides, regret doesn’t really get us anywhere, does it?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

“It’s past visiting hours. Are you family?” “Yes, ma’am.” According to Colt, I was, so in a really convoluted way, I wasn’t lying.

“I like you, Mr. Beckett. You let my best friend borrow yours.”

What kind of God did this to little kids?

“You have to tell me, Maisie. Because I don’t want to weird out your mom, but if it’s a good reason, I’ll go to bat for you.”

“I don’t want her to be alone.”

“Promise me you won’t leave her alone,”

“I promise.”

“Stay. I want you to stay.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

“Ah, the sweet, illogical logic of a child,”

“I’d forgotten what this felt like.” “Being hugged?” My voice was sandpaper-rough. “Being held together.”

And honestly, who wouldn’t fall for you? We’re three months into this, and I’m half in love with you without ever having been in the same room.

He’s hot in a take-me-on-the-kitchen-counter-and-let-me-bear-your-children kind of way.