The Last Letter

by Rebecca Yarros

“You’re my dad.” “I’m your dad.”

“So this is what it feels like.” He reached over, his hand cold as he laid it against my cheek. “I love having a dad.”

“I love being your dad, Colt. You are the best little boy I could have ever been giv...

“Colton Ryan MacKenzie-Gentry. I got everything I ever wanted.”

“Me, too,” I told him, kissing his forehead. “Tell Mom and Maisie I love them.”

Take care of him, Ryan.

Pain wasn’t strong enough of a word. There was no scale. No ten to be medicated. This agony wasn’t measurable; it was unfathomable.

He hadn’t been alone. There was something in that, right? He’d been born into the hands of his mother and died in the arms of his father.

This wasn’t heartbreak. Or sorrow. It was the utter desolation of my soul.

“I don’t think I can move,”

“I knew last night. It stopped hurting. I knew he was gone.”

“It’s not okay. He wasn’t supposed to die. I was. Why did he? It’s not fair. We had a deal. We were always going to be together.”

“And you weren’t supposed to die. Neither of you were. This is simply what happened.”

How could there not be a better explanation than that? What was the reasoning in an accident you couldn’t see coming? Where was the justice in that?

It was a red leaf.

But I still couldn’t understand how God could exchange the life of one child for another. Had it been Colt for Emma? Or had I prayed too hard the last couple of years and accidentally traded Colt for Maisie with my desperate pleas for her to live?

“Now I’m like you, Mom.” “How, baby?” Her eyes stayed locked on Colt. “We both have brothers out here.”

“Both his best friends are here.”

“Don’t read it yet. Now isn’t the time. Some of the guys asked me to keep their last letters. I kept Mac’s for Gentry, and I kept Gentry’s for you.” “For me?”

“I’m leaving it with you in case you start to feel lost or forget how much he loves you. Like I said, not for now. But for someday.”

“Why didn’t I get the chance to fight for him? I should have had the chance. Where were his doctors? His treatments? Where were his binder and his timeline? Where the hell was I? Did I trade his life for hers? Is that what happened?”

Why didn’t I hug him longer? It was so fast, Beckett. All of it. His whole life went by so fast, and I forgot to tell him I loved him.”

“There’s no reason! None. No war to fight, no way to battle what just happened. It was over before I knew it even began. I couldn’t fight for him. I would have, Beckett. I would have fought.”

“I don’t know how to breathe. How to get up tomorrow.”

“We figure it out together. And if you can’t breathe, I’ll do it for you. One morning at a time. Minute by minute if we have to.”

“Because a very wise woman told me once that you can’t reason with the universe, no matter how sound your logic is.

I’d forgotten to tell Colt I loved him. I would never make the same mistake again. “I love you,” I said. “I’m sorry I haven’t said it for so long. But I love you. I never stopped.” “I love you.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. “We’re going to be okay.”

Maisie kept my heart beating. Beckett kept me living.

“I would have fought for you. I would have torn down the very stars, Colt. You are loved, not in past tense, but now, every second of every day, and that will never change.

but you knew how badly we needed each other. You saved me through Beckett, Ry. You saved Maisie.

“Do you ever think about fate?”

Life was short. Colt taught me that. Life was worth fighting for. Maisie taught me that. Letters could change your life. Ryan taught me that. Love—when it was right—was enough to save you. Beckett taught me that every single day.

Remember when we made that deal? The night I got so sick? The one where you said if I died, you’d die, too, so we’d never be alone?”

“You want to head out with me?” “Yep!” I answered. I didn’t ask him where to; if Dad was headed somewhere, I was in. Because Colt would have been, and I had a promise to keep. Twice the awesome.