More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
That I was self-important and unrealistic. That someone who had a kid should be grateful for any attention at all. That I shouldn’t be trying to dictate the parameters of anything. That I was damaged goods.
I knew it was one of the self-proclaimed high-value men.
He keeps looking at me. The same steady, studying look he always seems to be giving me. Like I’m an equation he can’t figure out. Or a particularly interesting constellation that he’s trying to orient himself with.
let myself drift to a place where expectations don’t exist and my feelings aren’t a fragile glass balloon.
“Nah, Lucie.” In my dream, he brushes a kiss against my forehead. “I think you’re the magic.”
She’s got questionable taste in music, can’t bake cookies to save her life, but has the most generous, kind, beautiful soul. I would commit terrible, violent crimes on her behalf.
I don’t think I realized that because I was choosing to be brave, other people might decide to be brave too.
The long-buried romantic in me screams, Yes! while the always pragmatic part of me whispers, Maybe take some time.
“You’re gonna make me work for it, aren’t you?” he murmurs. “You like it when I make you work for it,” I fire back.
“Ah, Lucie.” Aiden smiles, his fingers fanning out wide against my back. “I’d know you anywhere.”
“I also liked…being someone else. I liked putting my problems away and existing as a new person.”
“I liked talking to people. It was purely coincidental I ended up on a show about romance. I liked talking about love until I…didn’t, I guess.”
“I started to see this common thread with callers. How love could make them miserable. How it could tear them to absolute pieces. And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. I think I started waiting for it. Bracing myself for it. It felt easier that way.”
I saw this in the relationships of all of my friends. The reason why I never dated, and when finally I gave it a try, the mf proved this right even before starting.
The way he’d look at my mom when he thought no one was looking at him. Like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Like he wouldn’t survive it if she didn’t.
“Secret swoony boy,”
She took her hand back about an hour ago, before the aforementioned beers, and I’ve been silently scheming on the other end of the table for ways to get it back.
“I need to have fun, Aiden. I never have any fun. I am always the least fun person in the room.”
Sameee
I missed the part of life where you can be an idiot without consequence. I’m—I’m being nostalgic, I think. Or romanticizing. I’m very good at romanticizing.”
Lucie is as off-limits as it gets. She’s looking for romance. Happily ever after.
Why tf is she off limits?
I’m staring too long. Thinking about too many things. Coming up with too many excuses.
“Focus,” she says, and I swear I would if I could.
My imagination is having a field day.
Isn't that like every day?
I know I’m an affectionate drunk. Grayson calls me a cuddle monster. I think it’s my body trying to make up for the lack of touch I secretly crave.
I wanna get drunk to know what kinda drunk I am.
Maybe if I pretend to be calm, I’ll start to feel it. Fake it till you make it.
He looks like a jungle cat. Some other massive predator.
A fragment of a conversation floats back to me. You’re bossy. I certainly can be.
Aiden is looking at me like I’m a bag of contraband coffee shoved into a cookie tin.
everyone who has called in has either been a bumbling idiot or a self-serving asshole.
See what we have to deal with?
I clear my throat and try to do something with my face that doesn’t say, I dream about you naked now.
I swear to god, this woman reduces me to the most stubborn version of myself.
“I don’t concern myself with the fragile egos of men.”
luckily, I don’t hold myself accountable to other people’s impressions of me.
Yes!
Yes, I’m fine. Except for the feelings I’m not supposed to be feeling and the dreams I’m not supposed to be dreaming and the excuses I’m not supposed to be making.
it’s good, to know that I’m not alone in all this. That I’m not the only one who can be awkward or silly or slightly out of place.
That truly is a relief.
Did I embarrass myself at the bar? Was I too much?
“I’m a completely unbiased sounding board. You can confide in me.”
But it is what it is. I can’t change how my heart feels. I can’t guide it somewhere else. I suppose I’m going to see it through, for better or worse.”
I’ve always been good at avoiding the things that make me feel like shit. Content to compartmentalize, a therapist told me when I was younger. But now all the heavy doors I’ve locked everything behind are rattling on their hinges.
Dude mine told me this too.
I’m counting to ten in my head, visualizing a sunset over the ocean or sheep over a fence post or whatever it is the hospital-appointed therapist told me to do when the anxiety felt like a noose around my neck. Content to compartmentalize.
When I feel shaky and exposed, it’s easy to distract myself with things that feel good.
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Lucie Stone.”
“I don’t think I’m the measuring stick you should be using. My situation isn’t exactly ordinary. I think when the right thing comes along, I’ll know it.”
I’m possessive of her, apparently. Of her time and her laughter and her smiles that stretch so wide her eyes slip shut.
“I want to feel it first and think about it second. I want to be in the moment and not worry about what’s coming next. I don’t want to twist myself into circles over the idea of a partner.”
Right???
I’m torn between who I am and who I want to be.
It feels like my brain has been rewired to only think about it. About her.
Awww
Give me a reason, I want to beg. Please. Make the choice for me.
Maybe if I give in to this pull, it won’t feel so goddamn intense. Like swiping your finger along the icing of a cake. Just a taste to cut the craving.
I don't like this
I don’t want to take anything from her she’s not willing to give.
“You might not be what I’m looking for, but you’re what I want. And that’s enough for me. Trust me to decide for myself.”
But won't they clash later? You'll end up putting your expectations on him when he isn't it. And then it won't be fair to him either.
Aiden is bossy, I think faintly as his kisses turn rougher. Messier. More desperate. He’s holding me like I’m going to disappear under his grip,
I think I like this. lol
