How to Hug a Porcupine: Easy Ways to Love the Difficult People in Your Life (Little Book. Big Idea.)

by Debbie Joffe Ellis

We should keep in mind that a porcupine’s quills—the result of past injuries—are a part of who the porcupine is, and they aren’t necessarily meant to hurt us.

Don’t Take it Personally Chances are, your porcupine’s sour mood, though triggered by you, has little or nothing to do with you. The more you recognize that a porcupine’s aggressive behavior is really about your porcupine figuring out her own issues, the more energy you will have to find a solution that works for the both of you.

If you are caught in a sneak attack (these porcupines include an angry driver you encounter in traffic, or the surly store attendant who is really having a bad day), do your best to ignore their bad mood. Save your own energy for the porcupines closest to you!

Having a course of action will help keep you from becoming defensive, too.

Don’t Get Angry Patience is a virtue. So is understanding. Dealing with a porcupine requires a great deal of both. Resist the temptation to get angry and, instead, approach any confrontation or dilemma with patience and understanding above all else.

Don’t Get Frustrated Avoid bringing your own issues “into the ring” with your porcupine. If you do, you risk becoming very frustrated, and frustration means your porcupine’s gotten you hooked—in other words, it is just a matter of time before you start acting as out of control as your porcupine. So take a deep breath and rebalance. Let your porcupine rant—you’ve got calm and wisdom on your side.

Be Thick-Skinned—and Cold-Blooded! If you are thin-skinned, you will feel every prick of your porcupine’s anxiety. Try to be thick-skinned instead. And don’t react off-the-cuff. Instead, go slow. Be a tortoise! Your porcupine will burn through her energy quickly, and once he does, you will be on top. Slow and steady wins the race!

Stay in Control The stresses, anxieties and bad habits you bring to any encounter with your porcupine are a huge factor in determining how things will work out between the two of you. Remember, your relationship with your porcupine is a two-way street, and you must be a careful negotiator. How you behave, how you speak, react—even smile—can shape the outcome. So, no matter what, stay in control, and don’t let your emotions get the best of you.