Goddesses in Everywoman:: Powerful Archetypes in Women's Lives

by Jean Shinoda Bolen

When a woman senses that there is a mythic dimension to something she is undertaking, that knowledge touches and inspires deep creative centers in her.

A Hestia woman will bring in fresh flowers for herself that will never be seen by the absent man. Her apartment or house always feels like home because she lives there, not because she makes it that way for someone else.

she may be keenly aware of aesthetic details (which Aphrodite influences) and not notice that the stove is still on or the gas gauge reads nearly empty (details that Athena would not miss).

“We may find ourselves wondering to what degree the suppression of women’s rites has actually been the suppression of women’s rights.”

The goddesses are patterns or representations of what women are like—with more power and diversity of behavior than women have historically been allowed to exercise.

Or she may have been like the maiden Persephone gathering flowers in the meadow, a goal-less young woman waiting for something or someone to carry her away.

The child’s inherent goddess pattern interacts with family expectations. If the family disapproves of the specific goddess, however, a girl doesn’t stop feeling the way she does, although she may learn not to act naturally and her self-esteem suffers.

Opposition doesn’t change the inherent pattern, it just makes the girl feel bad about herself for having the traits and interests she has. And it makes her feel inauthentic if she pretends to be other than she is.

Although on the surface she successfully resisted her father’s power to limit her aspirations, she incorporated his critical attitude into her psyche. Deep down, she struggles with feelings that she is not good enough, hesitates when new opportunities are offered, achieves less than she is capable of, and, even when she succeeds, still feels inadequate.

Devaluation and lack of respect for their weak mothers strengthens the virgin goddess qualities of Artemis daughters. Determined not to resemble their mothers, they suppress dependency feelings, avoid expressing vulnerability and vow to be independent.

In rejecting identification with her mother, she usually finds herself rejecting what is considered as feminine—softness, receptivity, and stirrings toward marriage and motherhood.

Artemis is also found in women skiers, who chart their course down the mountain instinctively, always tilted forward in a physical and psychological attitude that unhesitantly moves forward, challenged by the difficulties.

A woman who feels deeply for others may enter medicine or nursing, for example, and may find that that she has entered Athena’s territory and needs to learn dispassionate observation, logical thinking, and skills.

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Thus, whenever a new couple or a new colony ventured out to establish a new home, Hestia came with them as the sacred fire, linking old home with new, perhaps symbolizing continuity and relatedness, shared consciousness and common identity.

In punishment, she would be buried alive, entombed in a small, airless underground room with light, oil, food, and a place to sleep. The earth above it would then be leveled off, as if nothing were there. Thus a Vestal Virgin’s life as an embodiment of Hestia’s sacred flame was snuffed out when she ceased to personify the goddess—covered over with earth as one might extinguish smoldering coals on a hearth.

Through this inner focusing, we can perceive the essence of a situation. We can also gain insight into other people’s character and see the pattern or feel the significance of their actions. This inner perspective provides clarity in the midst of the confusing myriad of details that confront our five senses.

Hestia as Goddess of the Hearth is the archetype active in women who find keeping house a meaningful activity rather than a chore.

Tending to household details is a centering activity, equivalent to meditation.

She is like an elder who has seen it all, and has come through with her spirit undampened and her character tempered by experience.

A Hestia woman shares the attributes of the goddess in being a quiet and unobtrusive person, whose presence creates an atmosphere of warmth and peaceful order. She is usually an introverted woman who enjoys solitude.

Sometimes people are drawn to an inner presence she conveys, an “old soul” quality about the young child that bespeaks wisdom or tranquillity.

Yet, however she appears on the surface, she is inwardly true to Hestia; she has a quality of independence and detachment, an emotional evenness that comes from being centered.

Teenager Hestia absents herself from the social dramas, high passions, and shifting alliances of her peers.

If her partner is also more receptive than active sexually, and each waits for the other to initiate sex, their relationship can go for months or even years without sexual expression.

Identification with emotionally detached Hestia stifles a woman’s direct expression of feelings. A Hestia woman indirectly expresses her love and concern for others through thoughtful acts. The saying “Still waters run deep” describes Hestia’s introverted feelings, which lie below the surface.

she presents herself as too naked—she reveals too much, is too honest, allowing people to see what others would keep covered up in the same situation.

A Hestia woman who must appear for an interview or evaluation must fashion a persona consciously, putting as much thought into it as she would into a resume (which could be considered an “on-paper” persona). She needs to have as clear a picture as she can of “who” she is supposed to be in each particular setting, and she must be prepared to try on a number of personas, until she discovers a style that will feel natural to her, once she has “worn” it enough.

For example, she might answer the phone, anticipating a friend, and instead may hear an aggressive salesperson who asks intrusive questions or an insistent do-gooder who expects her to volunteer her time. Then her animus is caught off guard, and she muddles about ineffectively.

What she feels but cannot express in words is thus invalidated; what she knows as an inner wise woman is thus discounted unless it is supported by hard evidence.

Two factors predispose her to victimization: the man’s misreading of receptiveness or friendliness as sexual invitation, and the general assumption that any solitary woman can be approached and is potentially available.

Her name is thought to mean “Great Lady,” the feminine form of the greek word hero.

The Hera archetype provides the capacity to bond, to be loyal and faithful, to endure and go through difficulties with a partner. When Hera is a motivating force, a woman’s commitment is not conditional. Once married, she means to stay so, “for better or worse.”

The children of a Hera woman realize well the order of her universe: the best is always saved for him.

Whatever her education, career, profession, or title, when Hera is a strong force in a woman’s psyche, her work is something she does, rather than an important part of who she is.

However, the Hera woman always says, “Whither thou goest, I will go.” She will not propose a temporary geographical separation, with one or the other commuting to be together on weekends. Nor will she insist that her career is just as important as his. For that, another goddess must play a part.

If a Hera woman has children and can’t form an archetypal mother-child bond, her children will sense her failure as a lack of love and protection. Even if she is a full-time wife and mother and is physically very much present in their lives, they will feel a lack of closeness and will sense some emotional abandonment.

A Hera woman is usually not especially close to her children, having always put her husband first. She does not have good friends, having geared her social life to doing everything as a member of a couple. And, as noted earlier, she may find herself dropped from her social circle, just as she herself tended to drop other single women.

Once married, a Hera woman often constricts her life and conforms to her role and to her husband’s interests. If he needs her economic support while he finishes school, she will go to work. If he wants a full-time wife, she will quit her job or not complete her education. If she also works, she’s willing to relocate if he wants to move. Often she does not maintain friendships made before marriage and interests that she had prior to meeting her husband.

But their judgmentalism also extends toward women who are not personally threatening—for example, they are more critical than sympathetic toward unmarried mothers on welfare and toward rape victims.

For example, her husband may learn to respond with compassion to her need to know where he is, rather than with resentment and withholding information. If he can respond thus, her trust will grow.

When Demeter is the strongest archetype in a woman’s psyche, being a mother is the most important role and function in her life.

The mother archetype motivates women to nurture others, to be generous and giving, and to find satisfaction as caretakers and providers. Thus the nurturing aspect of the Demeter archetype can be expressed through the helping professions—teaching, nursing, counseling, in any job in which helping others is part of the role—and in any relationship in which she can be a nurturing person.

Similarly, women who move to the country to grow their own food, bake bread, can fruits, and share their bounty with others are expressing the Mother Nature aspect of Demeter.

These three levels of giving also parallel what Demeter women give their own children. First their children depend on their mothers to take care of their physical needs. Then they turn to their mothers for emotional support and understanding. And, finally, they may look to their mothers for spiritual wisdom as they cope with disappointments and grief or seek to find some meaning in life.

She is obsessed by her sense of loss and constricts her interests. Her psychological growth stops.

She experiences her child’s growing autonomy as an emotional loss for herself. She feels less needed and rejected, and as a result may be depressed and angry.

A Demeter woman is first and foremost maternal. In her relationships, she is nurturing and supportive, helpful and giving. She is often a Lady Bountiful, providing whatever she sees is needed—chicken soup, a supportive hug, money to tide a friend over, a standing invitation to “come home to Mother.”

She is usually generous, outer-directed, altruistic, and loyal to individuals and principles, to the point that others may see her as stubborn. She has strong convictions and is difficult to budge when something or someone important to her is involved.

Demeter women are not competitive with other women for either men or achievements. Any envy or jealousy of other women will concern children.