Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life

by Stuart Diamond

The ability to frame (or reframe) things creatively is a huge advantage in most successful negotiations. Learning this doesn’t happen overnight. It comes with practice and preparation.

In conjunction with standards, make as many personal connections as you can. Buyers will pay you more; sellers will take less. The personal connection is a kind of psychic payment that substitutes for money in a world in which aggravation seems rampant.

Pick a few places where you like to shop, eat, and otherwise frequent. Then get to know as many people there as you can. It doesn’t take much time to strike up conversations. In my experience, store personnel will be glad to go the extra distance for you if they know you.

used linkages, found the decision-maker, and was persistent.

He asked their opinions about various wines. He asked about their wine-buying philosophy. They gave him a detailed tour of the store and were pleased to share their knowledge with him. Few people ever ask, they said.

sharing information and making a personal connection are negotiation tools

asked the name

How do you make a connection with the other person? By asking questions and looking for signals.

It is easier to make a people connection if you prepare.

He didn’t respond to the fee, but instead peppered her with questions, showing respect and appreciation for her background and profession.

how important mutual trust and respect are.

How much do you notice about those around you? That is, the ordinary people who influence, over time, the resources you have and the sum of your experience?

I made a personal connection and it was worth a lot of money.”

Sometimes, the affiliation doesn’t have to be you. It can be someone you know or an organization you belong to.

“In-person negotiations make a difference,” Stephanie said. “The connection was essential. Attitude is important, too.”

It should be evident by now that a combination of tools is often better—and necessary—than relying on one tool alone. Using personal connections as well as standards gives the other party a specific reason to say yes, after they feel good about you.

“Connecting with someone, sharing a bit about myself, and asking more about them, made a HUGE difference,”

Rebecca did at least three other things of importance in negotiating with Sandy. She traded information, providing career advice. She linked this negotiation with many others. In other words, Rebecca provided things of value back to Sandy—both implicitly and explicitly.

We saw earlier the power of this tool: using intangibles; linking your negotiation to other needs and interests not necessarily part of the deal.

Companies will give you discounts in return for longer-term contracts. Pursue this routinely.

You have to try to figure out the pictures in the other person’s head in order to create a vision of the longer-term benefits to the other person.

he would be a frequent customer. He did research

If you just go through the process, you will often be surprised that you can get much more.

committing to more volume during that period.

“I looked for the behavior drivers of the other party,”

In business, people usually care as much or more about job security and career success than they do about raises or bonuses.

used role reversal to put himself in the customer’s shoes.

If you can reduce the other party’s perceived risk, you will usually get a better deal.

“We used both relationships and standards,”

Reducing the other party’s perceived risk can be worth millions of dollars. These tools work for businesses, too. Anytime you confront perception of risk in negotiations, you should immediately think, “Be incremental.” By being more incremental, you lower the perceived risk. This means splitting sales into trial periods, and setting up tests and trials.

Internet for dealer costs and car values, and use it for negotiation,

Even my assistant knows about checking the Vehicle Identification Number for the history of an individual used car. Look up “buying a new car” or “buying a used car.” There is a lot of great advice.

For new cars, find out the promotions being offered to existing customers, the “friends and family” rates, and other sales coming up. Dealers will sometimes tell you about these, especially if you create a vision of a relationship or the possibility of referrals.

Ask for the meaning of every term

on the invoice a...

Whatever standards you get, it is still about the people first. Make the connection, and try to make the negotiation broader. If you don’t feel comfortable with the salesperson, don’t buy from that person. Ask for someone else. Anytime someone tries to sell you an add-on, ask for its wholesale price, and then check.

Morale is important. The other side will know if you are nervous.

Get yourself more mentally ready.

Be incremental.

Don’t think you have to do everything today. Chill out! Unless your life is on the line, there’s always a tomorrow.

PREPARATION

You might be more formal,

give out information that tends to bring you closer to your goals. Don’t give out information that tends to bring you farther from your goals.

you can also try to bridge the gap with intangibles. But go ahead and reveal your bottom line if (a) you have tried everything else, (b) they are still outside your bargaining range, and (c) it looks like you’re at the end of the negotiation.

“I don’t feel comfortable answering that question.”

Instead ask why that’s important. You might say, “Will you pay more if I have other offers?” or “Will you charge more if I don’t have other offers?”

“What effect do you think this might have on our discussion?”

Then you can suggest using standards.

If you have a lot of information about the negotiation, you should make the first offer. That would include price, value, terms, what they know, competitors, and so forth. That is because you are “anchoring” the negotiation, setting expectations if you will, within a narrow range.

don’t make the first offer if you don’t know the bargaining range. You will negotiate against yourself.