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By asking questions, he was able to gain time and information that helped him exceed his goals.
Small talk is almost always big talk,
He wanted to make a personal connection with her. In the meeting, he asked what her favorite food was. Vietnamese.
when someone asks you a question, answer it immediately and succinctly. Or let them know what information you need to answer it. People hate it when others don’t answer their questions.
direct eye contact is good. But don’t stare! Smiling and other social niceties convey social skill.
Stay focused on the other person. People want to work around others whom they like and trust.
They read extra meaning into small things. If you’re early, you come...
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don’t make yourself the issue.
researched his own firm’s standards:
“Framing the problem as one of fairness rather than one of compensation helped greatly,”
This is a great use of reframing standards in the work context.
using standards and preparation.
“You keep preparing and practicing,” he said. “And then, when you need it, it’s there.”
the boss gets irritated, politely ask why. You are just asking the company to follow its own standards.
I teach my students not to accept ambiguous answers.
Were there any standards?
Once you become comfortable with using standards, they can serve you continually in doing a better job.
As noted throughout Getting More, a key part of framing is reframing. You take a company’s framing and ask them to look at it a different way. This often makes it easier for them to meet your goals.
Couldn’t they make an exception (standards)?
used reframing
If you are good enough at using negotiating tools, you can find negotiation room in situations that appear watertight to others.
you can meet your goals using their standards even when they are a big,
powerful, worldwide firm.
In using standards, it is important to ask for precedents. “Have you ever done this before?” and “Have you ever made an exception?” should be part of your everyday vocabulary.
TRADING ITEMS OF UNEQUAL VALUE
finding things to trade that don’t cost you very much—but that the other side values.
Once you see it in action, it seems simple. But you actually have to systematically and precisely go through the process.
Ask for a list of intangibles that don’t cost the company much, whether you are a candidate, employee, or manager. There
she could do more to help her boss. She
Allying with third parties is especially important at work.
Third parties also help if you don’t have enough (a) authority, (b) persuasiveness on your own, (c) credibility, (d) connection to the decision-maker, or (e) emotional distance from the situation. Essentially, this is the skill of building coalitions.
used third parties to collect information for him.
went to the person in the company who would be most sympathetic.
if you consciously use these tools and think the process through, in fact they are practical.” Most important, he said, is making sure all parties get something from the process.
give something to the other side to further a relationship, instead of going around them. Shaping your proposal based on the pictures in their heads is one way to do it.
“made a big effort to keep quiet”
He had used interests and third parties, and was also very straight with
Most of the negotiations in this chapter, and in this book, are incremental: not asking for everything at once. This is one of the hardest things for people to learn. Other parties usually don’t want to risk a big change. In every negotiation, think of ways to divide the process into steps. It doesn’t necessarily take longer, because the alternative is often no deal at all.
“You can’t always get what you want immediately,”
Being incremental also means asking others questions about situations instead of taking on the whole problem yourself. When
wisely decided to frame this as not her problem.
Look for third parties in the company (or outside) who know the management and can put in a good word for you. It can make a significant difference in
find a third party to consult about it. Keep
THEIR SENSIBILITIES
You don’t have to be hurting others to meet your goals.
you must master this tool to do well. This includes being able to frame the situation to fit into an acceptable standard for the other person.
My students don’t get frustrated or lose their composure. They just keep using the Getting More negotiation tools until they meet their goals.
One key thing about this negotiation, as I mentioned in the standards chapter, is that you must never make yourself the issue. Just because the other side is a jerk doesn’t mean you should be a jerk.
Applying standards in a negotiation also means asking for exceptions to standards.
can ask companies hard questions about their service standards. But remember, ask:
