Taming 7 (Boys of Tommen, #5)

by Chloe Walsh

Moments before the pain in my lungs exploded and everything went dark, I saw it. A halo of light. An orb of pure sunshine. Her. I saw her. And that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew…

There was a big brown one and a small white one. Hugh said that Gerard’s daddy, Joe, was in the big brown one and his sister, Bethany, was in the little white one. Because they drowned last Saturday.

“Oasis, Daddy,” I squealed, barely able to contain my excitement. I knew this song. It was my daddy and Joe’s favorite band. The song playing was called “Stop Crying Your Heart Out.”

His mammy, Sadhbh, who was being held up by her boyfriend, Keith, and his stinky son, Mark. I didn’t like Mark. I didn’t like his mean eyes, or his big hands, or how he was always scowling at us.

“Don’t move,” Mammy began to say, but I couldn’t help it. I was already slipping out of the pew and racing down the aisle. “Peter, stop her!” “Claire,” Dad whisper-hissed, but it was too late. I had made it back to him. Not stopping until I was right beside my best friend, I slipped my hand into his and squeezed. “I missed you.”

“You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world, and I would swap everyone for you. Even Hugh.”

“When they said someone had been saved from the water. I prayed for it to be you.” He choked out a sob and turned to look at me. “You d-did?” I nodded. “I promised God I would do all the good things in the world if he brought you back.” I beamed at him. “And he listened.”

“That wasn’t God, Claire,” he whispered, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “That was your dad.” “I don’t care who it was,” I replied. “Just as long as you’re here.” “I don’t think my family thinks like that,” he said, turning back to look at the ground as we walked. “I think they wanted your dad to save Bethany.” “I didn’t,” I admitted honestly. “I wanted to keep you most of

“You can’t be with Gerard right now.” I opened my mouth to complain, but Gerard answered for me. “Please don’t take her away from me.”

“It’s okay, though, because your daddy is with her, so he’ll keep her safe.” “What about me?” he whispered as a lone tear trickled down his cheek. “Who’ll keep me safe?” “I will, silly,” I replied, releasing his hand so that I could give him a hug. “I’ll keep you safe, Gerard.”

Apart from Gerard and Shannon, Lizzie was my third favorite friend in the world.

“But your hugs feel like sunshine.” “Like sunshine?” I frowned in confusion. “How?” “Because you are sunshine, silly,”

A hot, angry feeling stabbed my belly. It always happened when Liz and Hugh were together. She was supposed to be my friend, but she always played with my brother when she came over, and I didn’t like it.

Sitting cross-legged on the footpath in front of them, I picked at a scab on my elbow and tried to think nicer thoughts. Kinder thoughts. I’d made a promise to God, after all. I got to keep Gerard.

“No, no, don’t go,” he blurted out, snatching up my hand in his. “Okay?” “I wasn’t going anywhere, silly.” I chuckled, staring down at how his hand made my hand look super tiny. “I would never leave you, Gerard.” “That’s what my dad said.” He sucked in a shaky breath and clenched his eyes shut before whispering, “So just…please don’t go, okay?” “I’ll never go, Gerard,”

“I mean it,” he urged, turning to look at me now. “I can’t lose another person I love.” “You love me?” He nodded sadly as another tear trickled down his cheek. “I love you most of all.”

“You know, Gerard, if you ever get super sad, I can be your sister, too. Hugh won’t mind sharing.” “You can’t be my sister, Claire.” “Why not?” “Because you can’t have the hots for your sister.”

“I don’t see anyone.” His lips tipped up in the smallest of smiles before he added, “Except for you.”

He nodded stiffly. “And n-not just him.” “Mark, too?” Sniffling, he swallowed deeply before saying, “I don’t like the way he looks at me.” My eyes widened. “He looks bad at you?” “He looks evil at me,” he explained. “Like he wants to hurt me.” Anger grew in my belly. “Hurt you?” He nodded again. “Maybe even kill me.”

His first big smile since that day. “I like your face when you do that,” I told him, reaching up to touch the hole that appeared in his cheek when he smiled. “Do what?” “Smile,” I explained. “It makes my tummy wobble.”

“You can hold my hand forever.” “You promise?” “Uh-huh.” I yawned, feeling sleepy. “I promise.”

I didn’t have to open my eyes to know that I had somehow managed to sleepwalk into her bedroom. Again. It was the only place my legs ever took me. It was the only place I could breathe.

Claire Biggs had a lot of things. My back. My attention. My heart. My soul. Yeah, she had all of me and that wasn’t an exaggeration.

If I could sew this girl to my skin without causing her an ounce of harm, then I would do it in a heartbeat. That’s how vital she was to my life. How essential she was to my existence. If drugs were to Joey Lynch what Claire Biggs was to me, then there was no amount of rehab that could sway me to kick the habit. Because she was the habit of my lifetime.

Christ, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do all the things lads did with their girls. I wanted to make her mine, but what if I was wrong? Not us as a couple, but me as a man? What if it didn’t work? What if I didn’t work? Because I didn’t feel things with girls. I never felt anything. I was numb to the point of being dead, and if I didn’t feel things with Claire, then it would confirm that my past had truly broken me beyond repair.

She did something to me that day, gave me a sort of comfort only a person in my position could understand. I felt something. I felt for her. I enjoyed it. Her touch was welcome and wanted and wonderful. After that, I tried to forget about it for the sake of my friendship with Hugh, but I never could. Forgetting Claire wasn’t something I was capable of doing and he knew it.

Because I cared about the girl. I cared to the point where she distracted my day. I cared when her cat was sick. I cared when she cried. I cared when her mam ran out of her favorite brand of cereal, and she had to eat porridge. I cared so fucking much it was hard to find where she started and I ended.

I loved them both like they were my own flesh and blood, but it became very clear to me, at a young age, that the feelings I held for the youngest member of the Biggs family were not brotherly.

From as far back as I could remember, my mind had always been very clear about three things. One: Hugh was my brother. Two: Bethany was my sister. Three: Claire was mine.

I wanted the future I joked about with her. I wanted everything with her. Problem was, I didn’t trust the person I was. I was too fucking scared of becoming what had ruined me. Of abusing her love and breaking her heart.

Claire meant it when she told me that she loved me. That was the first of two things in life I was sure of, and I meant it right back. That was the second thing I was sure of. If I knew nothing else in this world, then I knew that I loved Claire Biggs. More than she could ever know. More than one lousy four-letter word could ever depict.

My fear rested in my inability to love her the right way. In the potential I had to hurt her beyond repair or recourse. The same way he hurt me.

Completely aligned, with my back to his chest, Gerard buried his face in my neck and inhaled deeply before whispering the words, “Stay with me,” in my ear.

And there it was. His mask. The divide that separated the sensitive boy I adored from the humorous one all our other friends enjoyed. It slipped effortlessly into place. Gibsie belonged to the rest of the world. Gerard belonged just to me.

Johnny had the kind of structured will about him that appealed to me. He was safe. He was steady and stable and dependable, and I would die on my hill of loyalty to him. Because aside from Claire, I’d never had a friend I could find peace with like him.

I’d seen similar cuts on Lizzie’s body in the past, but not for a very long time. The faint scars that adorned her inner wrists had appeared in the months that followed her sister’s passing. After her parents put her in counseling, it seemed to stop. I thought she had it under control. Apparently not.

“That’s weird, right?” I gestured to where Lizzie had disappeared beneath the water. “She’s not okay, is she?” “How am I supposed to know?” my brother bit out, tone thick with emotion. “I’m hardly her confidante these days, am I?” “Yeah, but you used to be,”

Hugh and Lizzie’s fractured relationship was one that was stored in the memory vault labeled Never bring up again for the good of our friendship circle. My brother’s eyes flashed with pain, and I felt like the biggest jerk in the world.

Because Lizzie affected Hugh badly, and she always had. For some reason, my brother had been infatuated with my prickly bestie since the beginning of time. And for some even stranger reason, the feeling had been mutual for Lizzie.

By the time we’d made it to fifth class of primary school, their friendship title had been upgraded to that of boyfriend and girlfriend. Not that any of us had a clue of what that meant. In our young minds, it simply meant that they were each other’s favorite. Either way, they were together for a really long time, even after everything seemed to fall apart for Liz after her sister died. Hugh was the one she leaned on back then. Come to think about it, he was the only one she was willing to speak to for months. It was a pretty dark time in our lives that had followed us long into secondary school.

I stuck in there with her, taking on her mood swings and erratic behavior because I loved her like a sister, but it wasn’t easy. Especially when she focused all of her pain on Gerard because of a rumor that involved his stepbrother.

“I’m not the one, Claire,” Hugh choked out and I watched as a full-body shudder rippled through him. “Not this time. Not anymore. I can’t keep saving…” Dropping his head in his hands, he sucked in a sharp breath, shoulders slumped. “I have Katie now… I can’t do this with her again.”

“Fine.” “Fine?” Hope filled my heart. “You’ll do something.” “Yeah, Claire.” Another shudder racked through my brother, and he nodded solemnly. “I’ll do something.”

“I understand where she is coming from. Really, I do. But I won’t ever walk away from him.” Not even for Lizzie. “And she sees my friendship with him as one giant betrayal to her.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “The closer I get to Gerard, the further Lizzie pulls away.”

“So, you asked her about it?” I chewed on my lip, anxious. “About the cutting?” “Yes, Claire, I asked her about it.” “And?” “And it was a huge fucking mistake,” Hugh spat out, tossing the stick in the fire. “There’s a reason we steer clear of each other, and I was reminded of that today.”

I gripped his forearms for dear life when he began to swing me around in circles. “Oh my god,” I squealed, feeling safer in this boy’s arms than anywhere else on earth. “Please don’t let go.” “Never,” he vowed. “Not in a million years.”

“You’re really for keeps, aren’t you?” “Just try to get rid of me.” Chuckling, he stood up from the sand in one swift move, taking my bestie with him. “I’ve got you, my little darling.” “And I’ve got you, Binding 13,” she cooed, attempting and failing to ruffle his hair. “So pretty.”

They say it’s hard to get over your first love. Well, if I knew it to be true, like my heart was so insistent, I would never be getting over Gerard Gibson.

but it would never be accompanied by the commitment I needed from him. The relationship I needed the security of. For whatever reason, Gerard offered me his heart on his sleeve, but kept the rest of him tucked behind an impenetrable wall of mystery.

Shannon Lynch was his endgame, and Johnny Kavanagh was hers.