The Stars are on Our Side

by Jennifer Hartmann

Love at first sight isn’t a real thing—I know that. But there is certainly a something at first sight. A jolt, a magnetic draw, a heartbeat that skips and a world that narrows down, focusing on nothing but the space between you and that other person. It’s a moment when intuition overpowers reason and butterflies burst to life inside of you, their delicate wings tickling your heart.

“The stars won’t let you fall.” Gabe leans over to press a gentle kiss to my hairline. His lips linger as his thumbs dance across my skin, and then he says, “I won’t let you fall.”

But I’m a patient soldier, and I’ll wait. I’ll wait until she’s ready to see me for who I am, instead of as the man who is replacing her long-lost love.

The thing is, hope can be a savior, or it can be an executioner. There’s no way to know which way the cards will fall. Only time will tell, and time is just as unpredictable as hope.

“The heart is a complicated beast. Sometimes it wants, and sometimes it hurts to want.”

Life is too short to waste precious time on people who don’t appreciate and value you—family or not.

“Time spent loving another is never time wasted. In fact, I’m apt to believe it’s the only time that truly matters in this life.”

“If you think for a second that I don’t have all the time in the world for you, then you’ve got me all wrong.”

Oliver and Sydney had been tangled up in each other beside us, lost to their own music, while I felt myself falling for the girl in a mustard sweater with the eyes of a wounded soldier, the spirit of a fallen angel, and a heart I was determined to win over.

“I didn’t need to fake it with you. The moment I met you, I just felt…safe. I didn’t need to hide.”

“It’s up to you to decide if your love is worth all of the harrowing moments you may suffer as a result of it.”

“I guess I like things that don’t always fit together in a conventional way. Keeps life interesting.” “Totally.” She grins. “It’s like you’re finding magic in the flaws. I like that.”

“I’m t-trying to fly, but…” “I’ll be your wings,” he says, smoothing back my hair, his chin pressed to the top of my head. “You don’t have to save yourself this time. You’re not alone anymore.”

“I guess I like the reminder that not even the sky is ever truly at peace. It’s breakable, just like we are.”

Tabitha is a raven around my heart. Soft feathers and sharp claws. She soothes me while shredding me to pieces at the same time. And yet I’ll take every claw mark, every painful laceration, just for the chance to fly with her one day. If waiting is all I need to do, it’s a damn small price to pay.

“I think, sometimes, the things that frighten us become more bearable when you don’t have to face them alone,” he said.

“I always wanted to be a father one day. The thought of never meeting my child is my greatest fear.”

“Look at the stars, Tabitha. Let them be your anchor. Let them give you comfort.”

He makes me feel like I can be anything. Do anything. With him by my side, I could fly.

“You’re safe. You’ll always be safe when I’m with you.”

If this were to be my last day…I know I would die happy.

There’s an invisible string between us, one end tied around her heart, the other tied to mine.

“You want to go on that roller coaster.” “No.” She swallows. “It looks terrifying. The track sounds rickety.” “Part of the appeal,” I say breezily. “Let’s do it.” “I don’t think I can.” “You can do anything with me by your side.” I bump her shoulder with mine, in time with the wink I send her. “Even fly.”

“I want to kiss you. I want to know which one it’ll be,” he whispers. “But I don’t want to have to die to find out.”

“You’re killing me.” I’m killing him. And he’s bringing me back to life.

Time doesn’t heal anything. It’s a pretty lie to help us cope. Time just makes it worse.

“I’d give up everything,” I croaked, “just to touch you one more time.”

“Time is relative. Action is what matters. People don’t remember how long it takes for you to do the thing; they just remember if you do it, or if you don’t.”

“I see you, Gabe,” she murmurs on a sleep-laced breath. “I only see you.”

I do see you, Gabe. I see you so very clearly. But I see me, too, and I don’t like what I’m seeing right now. Forgive me. For everything. — Tabs

“To rank the effort…above the prize…may be called love.”

Judging by your radio silence, I’m forced to believe that your note was indeed a goodbye. And, well, I’m here to say…I think you can do better. I’m disappointed. Where’s the angst, the breakdown, the tears, the heart-wrenching climax? Our friendship deserves more than a measly note. The fallout needs to be epic. Overdramatic telenovela kinda shit. If we go down, we go down in a fiery blaze of glory and barely make it out alive. Don’t you agree? Am I wrong?

“Please…come over,” I blurt out, desperate to make my vision a reality. “Make love to me.” “Shit,” he groans. “If you mean it, I’m there. I can’t say no to you again. If you want me to fuck you, I’ll come over, I’ll take you rough like you want me to. I’ll make you come until you see stars.”

He has no idea that I said my true safe-word; I’ve said it thousands of times. One syllable of solace. Four letters of sweet relief. A safe place to land when my wings get tired. Gabe. His name is my safe-word. He’s my solid ground.

“With you in the world, how can there be anyone else?”

“You never have to worry about me taking more than you’re willing to give.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” he says softly, nibbling my bottom lip. “Next time I’ll ride you hard, fuck you like you want me to.”

“Am I hurting you?” he asks. “No,” I murmur. “You’re healing me.”

I don’t need music to lull me to sleep. I don’t need anything other than this. His arms around me. His beating heart. His warm breath feathering along my hairline. I’ve never felt more cherished. More loved. More safe. I’m finally flying.

“I’ll never forgive you for this. If something happens to her, I’ll…” Choking on the thought alone, I lower my voice so only he can hear me. “I’ll fucking kill you.” “Bold claim. You’re too soft to even hurt a fly.” “He threatened my fucking girl,” I grind out, teeth bared. “You have no idea what I’m capable of doing if she gets hurt. You’ve never been in love. The only thing you’ve ever cared about is yourself.” My pulse is throttling with fire and brimstone. “I will kill you.”

It’s time to relive the then, so I can finally live in the now.

My past. My present. I cling to them both, because they are each responsible for shaping my future.

“Your daughter isn’t going to look at you and question the how and why of your existence in her life. She’s going to look at you and smile, because you’re here, and you’re her beautiful, perfect mother, holding her in two arms that fought for every second of being with her. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was cosmic design, maybe it was something we’ll never fully understand—whatever it was, it doesn’t fucking matter, Tabs.”

life you’ve changed, every person you’ve touched because you’re here? That’s where you find your healing. It’s not back there. It’s not in that basement,” I tell her. “It’s right now. It’s right here.”

“Give me the sun and the moon.” I press a kiss to her hairline. “Hand me the sea.” A kiss to her forehead, to her tear-streaked cheek. “Steal every star from the fucking sky…and I still have nothing.”

“You’re my everything, Tabs. Without you, I have nothing.”

“I’ll take your leftover pieces. I’ll cherish those pieces. And I’ll spend my whole damn life doing everything in my power to make your heart whole again.”

“Say my name as you come on my cock.”

“I’ll never ask you to choose. I’ll never tell you to let him go.” I cup her cheek, hoping she feels my truth, because it is the truth. “Love’s not a competition, and it’s not always singular. I don’t care what the books say, or what society tells us. Don’t ever feel guilty for sharing your heart. You said it like it was a bad thing, but it’s not, baby. It’s not. It’s a beautiful thing.”

“If I told you that my dying wish was for you to live that life, would you fight for it?” “Matthew, don’t…” “Would you hold on to that wish and let it push you into survival mode, let it fuel you into escaping to the other side of these walls, no matter the cost, no matter the heartache or how hard that might seem…even if I’m gone?”