Like You Hate Me (Hawthorne University #1)

by Bethany Winters

I move to leave, then stop when something occurs to me. “Did you eat today?” I ask Xavi, and he hesitates before shaking his head. Grinding my teeth, I walk down to the kitchen and cook him some food, pretending Carter isn’t drilling his eyes into my back, worried I’ve gone crazy.

He looks more concerned about my hand being in his, his fingers twitching every few seconds as if he wants to let go.

Still holding his hands, I push myself into him, shamelessly letting everyone around us know that he’s mine. There are so many eyes on him right now, but he’s either ignoring them or he genuinely doesn’t notice, not once looking away from me.

I don’t even know why I’m so worried. I might not be the only guy he’s ever let fuck him, but I’m the only guy he’s ever looked at like that. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at me. Not even Katy, and he used to look at her like she was his entire world.

“Nate…” he warns, swallowing when my lips brush his piercing. “Nate, someone could recognize you.” “Would you believe me if I told you you’re worth it?” I ask...

“You just what?” “I just wanted something that was hers, okay?” No, it’s not okay. I’m just about to tell him he didn’t deserve anything that was hers, but I stop myself, doing my best not to get mad like I promised.

“Did he pull it on you?” “I don’t know. I was blindfolded.” Jesus Christ. “Wait, why were you…?” And then it hits me. He’s doing it all blind. Fuck. There’s something wrong with my heart.

His grin is huge, but I bet he doesn’t realize how many people are watching his little show right now, drawn to him like moths to a flame. It’s kind of funny. Cocky little thing like him has no idea how beautiful he is.

Reaching up to grab the back of Xavi’s thigh, I gently tug him toward me and catch him when he jumps into my arms, wrapping his legs around my waist as I take my shirt off his face. He grins at me like I just hung the goddamn moon for him, and I grin back, holding him up with my arm under his ass while I pull on the back of Carter’s shirt.

“Don’t feel sorry for me, party boy. I’ve got more people I love than you do.” He presses his lips together and tightens his hands into fists on my shoulders, trying and failing to hide the hurt on his face.

“That was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.” “What was?” “You,” she says, smiling fondly at the confused frown on his face. “You really have no idea how hot you are, do you? It makes you even hotter.” “I…Thank you…?”

I don’t trust the way he’s treating me tonight, the way he’s been looking at me since the second I walked out of my room wearing the outfit I put on for him. It felt real, but I know it’s not. I know I’m deliberately setting myself up for more heartache, but I’m too far gone to stop him. All I can think about right now is taking every scrap he’s willing to give me. I’ll deal with everything else later.

“I want to mean something to you,” I admit. “Anything. I want you to remember me after you decide you’re done with me and kick me out of your life for good. I wanna ruin you so bad that it’s me you’ll think about every time you’re fucking the person you really wanna be with.”

I wish I could stay here forever. Be his forever.

It’s kind of soft, and I don’t like it, my hackles raising as he lowers his mouth to mine. He kisses me like he’s never letting me go, and I pull away, turning my head to the other side. “Stop it, Nate.” “Stop what?” he asks innocently, still moving inside me as he feathers his lips over my face and neck. “Stop kissing me.”

“I do hate you.” “Then stop pretending you don’t!”

Fuck him. Fuck him so hard for doing this to me. And fuck me for letting him.

“Don’t leave.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I slam my head back against the pillows, wishing I could pull them back. Goddamn it, he’s got me running around in circles. One minute I hate the way he’s touching me and I’m desperate for him to stop, and then as soon as he takes it away, I feel like I’ll die if I don’t get it back.

He’s not taunting me with silence like he usually does. He’s not making a point to ignore me every time we’re in the same room together. He’s just…not here. He’s hiding from me and I hate it.

I glare, my hackles raising at how weird he’s acting. “What’s wrong with you?” “You’re what’s wrong with me,” he grits out, and I look up at him dumbly, feeling a little dizzy.

“Can I go with you?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because I don’t want you with me.” He spins around, speaking slowly like I’m a four-year-old. “You’re not my boyfriend, party boy. You’re not my anything.”

Once he’s gone, I strip out of my clothes and take another shower, forcing myself not to cry over him and his mind games. I’m done playing. I’m fucking done letting him break me.

Every time I’ve thought about him this week, all I can picture is me standing outside his bedroom the night of his birthday, hearing his soft cries through the door after he found the box of pictures I left him. I wanted to go in there, but I didn’t. I left him to his misery and proceeded to keep pretending he means nothing to me.

And the way I treated him tonight… I don’t know why I feel so guilty about it. He deserves everything I throw at him, but…

“Because it’s your fault,” I bite out, his smile returning as he laughs at me with his eyes. “I’m not stupid, Carter. You brought me here so he could get his revenge. You knew he was gonna break my heart and you didn’t care. I should have told you to go fuck yourself and gone back to live with my mom.” “Because she loves you so much?” “Fuck you.”

“What are you laughing at?” “You,” he says. “You’re so blind.” “What?” “You think it’s easy for him to ignore you like this?” He kneels up on the edge to level with me, snatching my wrists when I try to back away. “You think he likes pushing you away when all he wants is to keep you at his side?”

“He’s fallen for you, you idiot,” he says slowly, rolling his eyes when I widen mine a fraction. “Don’t say that.” I shake my head, hating myself for the way my heart is leaping around in my chest, hopeful and desperate for what he’s saying to be true. “He hasn’t…” I trail off, shaking my head again. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Baby, he’s balls deep in love with you and he hates you for it. That’s why he’s treating you like shit. That’s probably why he’s always treated you like shit.”

“You want me to take you?” I raise a brow. “On my bike?” “Fuck, no. We’ll take an Uber.” “Then why do I need to come…?” “Because I want you to,” he says simply, and I laugh.

“You really are drunk.” “I don’t have to be drunk to wanna spend time with you.” He sighs. “It happens when I’m sober too.”

Nate takes me upstairs without letting go of my waist, which means it takes us three times as long to get to his room, but I don’t mind. I know I shouldn’t, but I love it when he acts like this, like he’s obsessed with me and needs to keep his hands on some part of me at all times.

“I need it.” “Take it, baby. It’s yours.” Mine.

“You’re so good at this, baby boy,” he groans, running his hands over my sides and down to my lower back. “You’re perfect.” His praise lights me the fuck up, his teeth nipping my lip while I ride him harder. “Carter calls me that.” “I don’t give a shit what he calls you.” He grabs my ass, holding me down on him possessively. “You’re not his. You’re mine. My baby boy…”

“You like it when I call you mine?” I nod, rolling my head back when he moves his mouth down to my throat and brands my skin with more of his marks. “Show

I nod my agreement, tensing when he takes my hand and links our fingers together, his thumb brushing mine.

“Where do you think you’re going?” “Bed.” “You’re already in bed.” “My bed, Nate…” I draw out, frowning when he tosses my sweats and pulls me back by my wrist. “No.” “No?” “No,”

“What?” he asks, amused. “I’m not sleeping in here with you.” “Why not?” “You know why not,” I say angrily. “You just wanna fuck with me before you snatch it all away again.” “I won’t,” he promises. “Not this time.”

“What?” he asks. “Say it.” “I don’t get you,” I admit, avoiding his eyes as I trail my finger over the ring on his chain. “You’re so hot and cold all the time. It's like you’re two completely different people. Which side are you faking, Nate?” A small smirk touches his lips, but he doesn’t answer me, his knuckles brushing my outer thigh while I lay my head on his chest.

I woke up this morning to find him wrapped around me like a blanket, his legs tangled with mine, his head on my shoulder and his messy hair covering his face. I moved it out of the way, and he smiled in his sleep, more content than I’ve ever seen him.

“Since Carter told me you’re in love with me.” My face falls, and I let out a curse, fisting my free hand on the wall next to his head. I’m gonna kill him. “Is that true?” Fucking hell. “Get dressed,” I order, dropping him to his feet and stepping out to throw a towel at his body.

“The waitress,” I say dryly. He turns his head to get a good look at her. “I don’t think so, why?” I shake my head at him, laughing under my breath as I pick up my menu. “You’re fucking cute.”

He might think no one outside of our little circle knows he’s gay, but he’s not as sly as he thinks he is. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he eats, and I can tell the waitress notices, a knowing smile on her face while she brings us two more coffees.

I realize I’m laughing just as hard as he is, our bodies vibrating together at the adrenaline running through our veins. But then, as if it hits us both at the exact same time, the moment dies and the grins slip off our faces. We’re not supposed to be this happy.

“I was a shitty brother,” I add, letting my hand fall to my stomach. “I didn’t listen to her. I didn’t see it. And then she died and…it was too late. I’d give anything for one more day with her,” I whisper, looking away so I don’t have to see the pain in his eyes, knowing he feels the same. “Just to tell her all the things I’m sorry for…To hear her voice...To hear her sing one more time…”

“Get over yourself, Nate. How many times have you seen Carter naked?” “That’s different.” “Oh, yeah. You’re right,” I say sarcastically. “You fucked Carter. I never fucked Katy.”

“I think he’s full of shit. I think he’s gonna snatch you up someday and he’s gonna love you just as much as I do. More than I do,” she corrects, pouting as she lifts her hand and presses her thumb and forefinger together. “Just a little, teeny tiny bit more.” “Are you done?” “I think you’re gonna flip his world upside down and there'll be nothing he can do to stop it.” She grins, looking awfully proud and excited about it.

“Even if all that shit you just said happens, which it won’t, I’m pretty sure your parents won’t be happy unless he ends up with a girl, babe. He’s not gonna end up with me.” “Fuck that.” She shakes her head, stealing the bottle from my hand to point at my face. “He’s gonna risk it all for you. You’ll see.”

My tears are falling fast and hard, and I feel like I’m choking on them, trying to make myself as quiet as possible while I crawl into bed. I glance at the door a few times, but he doesn’t come for me. I’m an idiot for thinking he would.

“What are you doing?” My mouth parts, but I say nothing, frozen in place. “Don’t just sit there, you idiot. Go after him,” she demands, gritting her teeth when I make no move to get up. “What the hell is wrong with you, Nate?”

“I thought it was hot at first but I was wrong. What you’re doing to that boy is sick.” I pull my head back at that, finally finding my voice to bite back at her. “You don’t know shit, Frank.” “If you don’t wanna lose him,” she goes on, “you’d better get off your ass and go get him.”