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He could pack all his stuff and leave this house in under two minutes if he wanted to. Slamming the top drawer of his dresser shut, I try to ignore how that thought fills me with enough unease to make me feel sick. I don’t want him to leave.
Which is stupid because when he first got here, I thought that was all I wanted. But now… Jesus, what is wrong with me? And why does he keep fucking leaving?
“Are you really mad because you feel like I betrayed you and Katy by fucking the enemy?” He tilts his head, bouncing his eyes between mine. “Nah,” he whispers before I can say anything, answering the question for me. “You wouldn’t have fucked him yourself if that was the reason. You’re just jealous I had him first.”
“You never had him, Carter.” I lean over to crowd his space, digging my thumbs into his throat. “He was never yours.” “Does your boy get hard for you when you throw him around like this?”
In his room. On his bed. His hood is so low that it’s almost covering his eyes, but I can tell by the way his face falls that he’s assuming we’re hooking up, that I brought Carter in here and climbed on top of him just to fuck with him. I can’t say I blame him. That’s definitely something I would do if I’d thought of it first. Xavi blinks as if he thinks we might vanish into thin air, then blinks again. “Are you serious right now?”
hair. His mouth opens with a silent moan, and he shivers before he can stop it, melting for me when I graze his hip bone with my thumb. Yeah. He can be pissed all he wants. He’s still mine.
He tries to keep his mouth shut, but it doesn’t work. This is the first time I’ve given him any attention in days, and I think he likes it, craves it just as much as I do.
I tried not to be here tonight, but I couldn’t stay away from him. Not when he made a point to leave the door open for me after weeks of locking me out.
It clicked the morning after I fucked him, after he told me why he got sober. Because I deserve it. Because it hurts more…
He knew I’d come. He wants me to be here. To see him like this.
“Three times. It’s not my fault you don’t listen.” “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” I raise a brow at that, a small smile touching my lips before I can stop it. He’s such a freak.
“Fighting,” I tell him, grabbing him by his hair and pulling him back. “About what?” “You.”
“I was in here trying to figure out where you were, okay? He saw me and thought it’d be fun to piss me off. That’s all it was.” “But if I hadn’t walked in…” “Nothing would have happened,”
“Carter and I haven’t hooked up since before we moved in here.” “Why not?” “Because I don’t like him like that.” “Do you…” He clears his throat, hesitating as if he’s afraid to ask. “Do you like me…like that?” “I don’t like you, period,”
He smells so sweet, and it pisses me off. Xavi Hart isn’t sweet. He’s poisonous.
“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty,” I whisper, possessively grazing my thumb over the hickey beneath his ear. “You look like mine.” “Don’t,” he pleads, and I cock my head, watching him look up at me with sad eyes and a fragile heart. “Don’t make me fall for you.”
I groan into his hair, and he falls back into me, heavier now that he’s resting his dead weight on my chest. His cheeks are bright red and his eyes are watering. He looks wrecked, and it does something to me I’d rather not think about.
“Were you with someone else?” “No.” I watch him for a moment, searching his face for the lie, but I don’t think there is one. Trailing my fingers over his abs, I stop to draw a circle on his navel. “Don’t ever let me catch you with someone else.”
I hated it. But now that he’s looking again—that he’s glaring at me again—I think I’d rather go back to being invisible. Honestly, I don’t know what I want and it’s making my head spin.
“I’m not trying to fatten you up.” He laughs. “Dude, you don’t eat. I know because the only time I ever see you put something in your mouth is when I feed it to you.” Jesus Christ. Does he really not realize how hot it sounds when he says things like that? Without thinking, I risk a glance at Nate to check his reaction, immediately wishing I hadn’t when I catch the look in his eyes.
He stares at her, and they seem to have some type of silent conversation that I can’t hear, another thing that has my insides twisting with jealousy. I hate her.
“Nate?” I ask quietly. “Shut up, Xavi.” “But I just—” “I said shut up,” he hisses, glaring vicious daggers at me as he bumps his shoulder into mine. “Don’t come tonight,” he grumbles, then grabs his keys from the side next to my hip and heads for the door.
I dream about it sometimes—a life where she’s not dead—but then I wake up, and I wish I hadn’t. Just for a minute, I wish I was dead too so I wouldn’t have to feel the loss of her and the pain that comes with it.
He walks ahead of us toward the gates, and I press my lips to Xavi’s neck, catching his head in my hand when it almost falls off my shoulder. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.”
“Who says I was looking for you?” My jaw ticks, and I drop my gaze to the ground, unable to stop picturing the way he looked at me right before I left the stadium earlier. Just for a second, I swear it looked like he didn’t want me to go. Like he needed me to stay.
“Not a chance, asshole.” He smirks again, so fucking sure of himself as he repeats, “I’ll see you later.” I turn around, and those four words follow me all the way…back to the house that isn’t my home and never will be.
The backs of my eyes start to sting, and I drop my gaze to his chest, sealing my lips shut to stop myself from pouring my heart out to him. That won’t do me any good. If anything, it’ll just piss him off even more.
same. He nods, and then in the next second, he’s grabbing my waist, flipping me over, and shoving me face down into the bed, something I know he does when he can’t stand to look at me.
This isn’t breaking me like he said he would. Or maybe it is. Maybe this is his punishment for me, his own twisted brand of torture.
He chuckles. “I’m not holding a gun to your head, you know? You don’t have to be here and put up with my shit. You can leave.” He tilts his head at the door to emphasize his point, and I narrow my eyes at it. “What if I don’t?” “Then you’re mine,” he says simply, lowering his head to lick the marks on my neck. “Whenever and wherever and however I want you, you’re mine.”
“And when you don’t want me? What am I then?” He shrugs like it should be obvious. “Nothing.”
“Watch me. Maybe one of the boys will see me like this and let me sleep in their bed.” His face falls, and I push up on my tiptoes to kiss his mouth, my small victory almost as sweet as the taste of our cum on his lips. “Xavi,” he warns, but I’m already leaving.
My feigned happiness vanishes as soon as I’m alone, and I feel fresh tears filling my eyes, pissed at myself for letting him get to me, for hoping it might have ended differently this time. I asked for this. I deserve this. Aching all over, I crawl into bed, pull the blanket up over my head, and silently cry myself to sleep, just like I do every time he fucks me.
“Your shirt rode up when you grabbed a glass in the kitchen last night.” He shrugs, side-eyeing me when I go back to saying nothing. “You know he wants us to see them, right? He’s marking you, letting us all know you belong to him.”
He didn’t drink any. Nate You sure? Easton Yeah. I stopped him. I haven’t taken my eyes off him since. Nate Yeah, I bet you haven’t, you fucker.
He’s not usually this nice. Why he’s got a soft spot for Xavi of all people, no fucking clue. I eye Xavi’s form while I drive, pissed at how hot he looks today even when he’s a broken mess inside. That’s why.
But he still laughs and starts to swim, one big arm wrapped around my waist as he uses the other to get us back to shore. I don’t help at all, and I’m still terrified, but I feel…happy for some reason, smiling like a fool as I bury my face into his shoulder and run my fingers through his short, wet hair.
“I’ll make sure no one sees you.” “I don’t care if anyone sees my naked ass, Nate.” “Maybe not, but I do,” he stresses, and I pause.
After he finished putting a load of laundry in the washer, he asked me when the last time I ate a proper meal was. I frowned and told him it was when I had breakfast with him and Easton the other day, and he glared before making us enough food to feed his entire team. I watched him while he cooked, and then we sat side by side at the kitchen island, talking and eating together like it was the most normal thing in the world.
He won’t leave me alone. Not that I want him to, but I’ve been testing him. Every time I try to slip away, he grabs me by my hair and pulls me back, silently telling me he’s not done with me yet. I smile into his chest every time he does it.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I rasp, pushing his chest until he’s lying on his back, rubbing my hard dick against his. “Why did you spend the day with me, Nate?” “Because I wanted to.”
“Because I didn’t wanna be alone.” I pause when he says that, and he snatches my waist again, forcing me to keep moving. “I didn’t want you to be alone. Not today.”
Katy sent me a voice note the night she died and told me she’d go out without me if I didn’t call her back, and I did nothing. I was knee-deep in some shit I didn’t want her to know about, so I let her go, thinking she’d be safer that way. I didn’t realize how wrong I was until it was too late.
Shaking his head at me, he shoves Katy’s list at my chest hard enough to make me fall back a step. “Just get the fuck out of my face.” “Nate, please—” “Get out, Xavi.” —don’t kick me out.
I shouldn’t have opened my mouth last night. I knew I shouldn’t have asked him what I’ve been wanting to ask him for years, but I did, and now here we are. I’ll probably never be able to look at him again without picturing him bent over for some faceless prick, moaning into his sheets, ignoring my baby sister calling his phone because he was too busy getting his slutty hole filled.
He melts against me almost instantly, like a little bitch who can’t get enough, desperate for my attention. Cupping the side of his soft face, I force him to meet my gaze while I brush the small cut on his cheek. He swallows, clamping his lips shut tight and refusing to answer my unspoken question.
I can’t get a read on what he’s thinking right now. His head is too messed up for me to even attempt it, but I can tell he’s nervous, and I love it. I love the way he acts when I’m around, like he’s constantly on edge, waiting for me to punch him.
Yeah. Fuck. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate him, but I can’t stay away from him. The way I’m pulled toward him…I’m fucking powerless to stop it.
“If you even try to make me jealous tonight, I’ll fuck you so hard and for so long, you’ll never want dick again by the time I’m done with you.”
the switch up is so crazy like what
“I’m not gonna try to make you jealous.” His arms come around my neck, his breath tickling my jaw. “I’m not trying to make you mad, Nate. I just wanted to look good for you.” My groan slips free, and I grab his hips, rubbing myself on him to show him how hard he’s making me. “You look so good, baby,” I rasp, cupping his face to study the eyeliner he’s wearing. “So pretty.”
