The Peacemaker

by Ken Sande

strive eagerly, earnestly, and diligently.

trainer of gladiators

Paul also shows that unity does not mean uniformity (Eph. 4:7– 13).

believers can legitimately hold differences of opinion on “disputable matters” (Rom. 14:1).

He warns us that we “grieve the Holy Spirit” when we indulge in “unwholesome talk . . . bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander” (Eph.4:29–31).

Not murder, stealing, etc!

just as

1982 by Warren Burger, chief justice of the United States Supreme Court:

One reason our courts have become overburdened is that Americans are increasingly turning to the courts for relief from a range of personal distresses and anxieties. Remedies for personal wrongs that once were considered the responsibility of institutions other than the courts are now boldly asserted as legal “entitlements.”

Antonin Scalia

the mediation of a mutual friend, such as the parish priest, should be sought before parties run off to the law courts. . . . I think we are too ready today to seek vindication or vengeance through adversary proceedings rather than peace through mediation. . . . Good Christians, just as they are slow to anger, should be slow to sue.

Furthermore, a court process usually fails to deal with the underlying causes of conflict.

In contrast, the church can point people to Christ and help them deal with the root causes of their problems.

When a dispute is resolved within the church, the parties are encouraged to work together to develop creative solutions that resolve both material and relational issues.

These results bring praise to God by showing the power of the gospel: God really has delivered us from our sins, and he is actively working in us to conform us to the likeness of his Son.

clear:Whether our conflicts involve minor irritations or major legal issues, God is eager to display his love and power through us as we strive to maintain peace and unity with those around us.

Therefore, peacemaking is not an optional activity for a believer.

!!!!

we tend to judge God’s actions according to our notions of what is right. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we say to ourselves, “If I were God and could control everything in the world, I wouldn’t allow someone to suffer this way.”

The foundation for our trust in God is constructed of both power and love. He is not only in control over us; he is also for us! In love, he gives us life, provides for our needs, and never takes his eyes off us.

Trusting God means that in spite of our questions, doubts, and fears we draw on his grace and continue to believe that he is loving, that he is in control, and that he is always working for our good. Such trust helps us to continue doing what is good and right, even in difficult circumstances.

This doesn’t mean that Paul never had doubts or that he never asked God to relieve his suffering (2 Cor. 12:7–8). But when the Lord’s response did not match Paul’s request, he was willing to believe that God had something better in mind (vv. 9–10).

Have you been looking at this dispute as something that happened by chance, as something done to you by someone else, or as something that God allowed in your life for a specific purpose? 2. What questions, doubts, or fears do you have because of this dispute?

Personal issues are often expressed in thoughts and statements like these:

These kinds of issues must generally be resolved either by overlooking an offense or through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness, which will be discussed in subsequent chapters.

It is often helpful to look at each issue and ask, “Is this really worth fighting over?”

Overlook Minor Offenses In many situations, the best way to resolve a conflict is simply to overlook the personal offenses of others.

When we overlook the wrongs of others, we are imitating God’s extraordinary forgiveness toward us: “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities” (Ps. 103:8–10).

This does not mean that we must overlook all sins, but it does require that we ask God to help us discern and overlook minor wrongs.

To truly overlook an offense means to deliberately decide not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness. If you cannot let go of an offense in this way, if it is too serious to overlook, or if it continues as part of a pattern in the other person’s life, then you will need to go and talk to the other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.

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into five basic principles,

1. Rejoice in the Lord always.

If you open your eyes and think about God’s lavish goodness to you, here is the kind of joyful worship you could offer to him, even in the midst of the worst conflict:

Salvation through the gospel, the motivation and power to change, sound guidance through God’s Word and Spirit, the resources of the body of Christ, opportunities that come through a sovereign God—all these blessings are available when you are “in the Lord.”

You will be surprised at the freedom and power that such rejoicing brings.

2. Let your gentleness be evident to

“forbearing, large-hearted, gentle, courteous, considerate, generous, lenient, moderate. In summary, it is describing a quality that is the opposite of irritability, rudeness, and abrasiveness.”

Gentleness is especially appropriate if the person who wronged you is experiencing unusual stress. If so, the

wrong done to you may be a symptom of a deeper problem. By responding in a gentle and compassionate manner, you may minister powerfully to the other person.

3. Replace anxiety with prayer.

The Greek word that we translate as “anxious” means laden with cares and trouble, pressured, squeezed, burdened, under stress. Such feelings tend to multiply when we are in the middle of a dispute, especially if it involves a person who is important to us or if major issues are at stake.

When you are in a dispute, it is natural to dwell on your difficult circumstances or on the wrong things that the other person has done or may do to you. The best way to overcome this negative thinking is to replace it with more constructive thoughts, such as praising God for his grace through the gospel, thanking him for the many things he has already done for you in this and other situations, and praying for assistance in dealing with your current challenges (cf. Matt. 6:25–34).

4. See things as they really are. As

If you respond to conflict like most people, you will tend to focus on the negative characteristics of the person who is disagreeing with you, exaggerating his faults and overlooking his virtues.

imagine the worst about the other person, which may lead you to misjudge his or her values, motives, and actions. A negative perspective can also lead to bitterness, which is characterized by dwelling on the hurt and thinking how little you deserve it.

The best way to overcome this tendency is to think deliberately about aspects of others that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, exc...

Even if a change in focus does not allow you to overlook every offense, it can often help you in two other ways.

First, by recalling what is good in another person, you often will realize how much you will lose if your differences are not resolved.

Second, the process of focusing on the good in others can trigger the Golden Result.

But careful not to obey just for results?

5. Practice what you’ve learned.

Unresolved disputes can consume large amounts of time, energy, and money, leaving you emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

reputation. It can also imprison you in a dungeon of self-pity, resentment, or bitterness.