The Peacemaker

by Ken Sande

breathe grace.

They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life. God delights to breathe his grace through peacemakers and use them to dissipate anger, improve understanding, promote justice, and encourage repentance and reconciliation.

Worst of all, it can destroy our Christian witness.

When Christians learn to be peacemakers, they can turn conflict into an opportunity to strengthen relationships, preserve valuable resources, and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Christ.

Because this approach is based solidly on God’s Word, it is effective in every type of conflict.

draw on his grace, follow his example, and put his teachings into practice,

Attacking others only invites counterattacks.

When others fail to see their contributions to a conflict, we sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders, or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace.

commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements.

When we realize that God has mercy on those who confess their sins, our defensiveness lifts and we are able to admit our wrongs. As

as we rejoice in the liberating forgiveness of God, we are empowered to go and forgive others in the same way.

The Lord has also provided a powerful support system for peacemaking. It is the church.

Instead of resolving differences in a distinctively biblical fashion, they often react to conflict with the same avoidance, manipulation, and control that characterize the world.

The primary focus of this book, however, will be on how God can help you as an individual Christian throw off worldly ideas about resolving conflict and become a true peacemaker.

Focusing on God is the key to resolving conflict constructively.

To some, conflict is a hazard that threatens to sweep them off their feet and leave them bruised and hurting. To others, it is an obstacle that they should conquer quickly and firmly, regardless of the consequences. But some people have learned that conflict is an opportunity to solve common problems in a way that honors God and offers benefits to those involved.

pretend that it does not exist. Or,

simply refuse to do what should be done

run away.

These responses are used by people who are more interested in winning a conflict than in preserving a relationship.

lawsuits usually damage relationships and often fail to achieve complete justice.

While most Christians would not actually kill someone, we should never forget that we stand guilty of murder in God’s eyes when we harbor anger or contempt in our hearts toward others

There are two ways that people move into the attack zone. Some resort to an attack response the minute they encounter a conflict. Others move into this zone after they have tried unsuccessfully to escape from a conflict.

The first three peacemaking responses may be referred to as “personal peacemaking,” because they may be carried out personally and privately, just between you and the other party.

Overlook an offense.

(Prov. 19:11; see also 12:16; 17:14; Col. 3:13; 1 Peter 4:8).

Reconciliation.

Negotiation.

Mediation.

Arbitration.

Accountability.

our responses tend to go from being private to being public.

Moving from left to right on the curve also involves a move from voluntary to forced solutions.

Every response to conflict costs you something; you must give up one thing to gain another. Personal peacemaking responses generally produce the most “profitable” exchange; the benefits of your solution are usually worth the time and energy you invest to reach an agreement, especially from a spiritual standpoint.

When I resort to an escape response, I am generally focusing on “me.” I am looking for what is easy, convenient, or nonthreatening for myself. When I use an attack response, I am generally focusing on “you,” blaming you and expecting you to give in and solve the problem. When I use a peacemaking response, my focus is on “us.”

People who use escape responses are usually intent on “peace-faking,” or making things look good even when they are not.

Attack responses are used by people who are prone to “peace-breaking.” They are more than willing to sacrifice peace and unity to get what they want.

There are four primary causes of conflict.

Some disputes arise because of misunderstandings resulting from poor communication

Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinion...

Competition over limited ...

sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions

Conflict is not necessarily bad, however.

Instead of avoiding all conflicts or demanding that others always agree with us, we should rejoice in the diversity of God’s creation and learn to accept and work with people who simply see things differently than

Not all conflict is neutral or beneficial, however. The Bible teaches that many disagreements are the direct result of sinful attitudes and behavior.

Most importantly, the Bible teaches that we should see conflict neither as an inconvenience nor as an occasion to force our will on others, but rather as an opportunity to demonstrate the love and power of God in our lives.

This is what Paul told the Christians in Corinth when religious, legal, and dietary disputes threatened to divide their church:

First, you can trust God. Instead of relying on your own ideas and abilities as you respond to people who oppose you, ask God to give you grace to depend on him and follow his ways, even if they are completely opposite to what you feel like doing (Prov. 3:5–7). Above all, hold on tightly to the liberating promises of the gospel.

Second, you can obey God.

Our obedience also demonstrates that he is worthy of our deepest love and devotion.