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September 21 - September 26, 2022
Narcissists are addicted to the need for confirmation of their belief in their own superiority. Narcissists also typically have a lack of empathy, which means they couldn’t care less about the feelings of those around them.
The narcissist cannot put things in perspective, and situations are blown way out of proportion. The narcissist has little or no empathy and cannot identify with the feelings or thoughts of another person. The narcissist is preoccupied with his own problems. The narcissist does not respect authority and has little concern for morals. The narcissist feels inferior, and will try to be seen as superior. The narcissist is extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism.
The big problem with narcissists is that they can’t or won’t change their ways, even when it causes problems at work, at home, or when people complain about the way they act. When it comes to most emotional disorders, you may have heard that the first step in getting help is admitting there is a problem. The nature of narcissism makes it impossible for the person with NPD to admit he has a problem. Narcissists will always blame other people for the stress they feel, and for the problems around them, when it is really caused by their own behavior.
As with many emotional disorders, there is not one specific cause for NPD.
Today, however, it is believed that parental neglect is more likely responsible for NPD. Neglect does not have to be just the obvious physical abandonment. Emotional neglect by parents can sometimes take on many not-so-noticeable forms.
People with NPD usually have an overinflated sense of their own importance and an overwhelming hunger for admiration and the approval of others. Showing little or no regard for other people’s feelings often fuels their belief in their own superiority. But buried beneath this outer skin of ultra-confidence often lies a fragile person who has trouble accepting even the slightest criticism.
Narcissists love to play the blame game. Narcissists often internalize failure, and their first reaction to any kind of failure is usually to feel shame, rather than guilt, responsibility, or determination to improve for next time. Shame is something narcissists seek to avoid, so they blame someone else for their failures. It cannot possibly be their fault that they have failed; the blame lies with the coworker who didn’t help, the teacher who has never liked them, the partners who never believed in them in the first place; the list goes on and on.
Narcissists usually walk around with feelings of entitlement. They have been described as emotionally immature. When they do not get the things they think they are entitled to, they may react violently, even throwing temper tantrums and giving the silent treatment, like a child.
Remember that the narcissist in your life is driven by a need to succeed, to be the best, and to be better than everyone around her. Learning to live with this disorder and putting her life and relationships back on track can be the greatest accomplishment any narcissist can achieve.
One such tool widely used for clinical diagnosis of NPD and other personality disorders is known as the Millon™ Clinical Multiaxial Inventory, or MCMI™, currently in its third edition (MCMI-III™).
a personality disorder is defined as a kind of emotional illness in which individuals have trouble understanding the realities of the world around them and difficulties relating to situations, to others, and even to themselves.
Cluster A: This can be described as consistent and odd, abnormal, or eccentric behaviors that are damaging. Cluster B: This can be described as consistent and overly dramatic, highly emotional, “high-strung,” or erratic behaviors that are damaging. Cluster C: This can be described as consistent and fearful or anxious behaviors that are damaging.
Narcissists do not really have an authentic personality because they are wrapped up in the false ones that they project. If they take away the praise, the inflated self-image, and the toys and belongings, who are they?
people with BPD are likely born with a predisposition of developing the disorder, which is then triggered by trauma, stress, or other factors.
The success or failure of therapy for people with NPD depends less on the type of therapy used than on the relationship between the therapist and client.
Narcissists seem to do best in group therapy at an inpatient setting.
In a group setting the narcissist also may feel less put upon then he would in a one-on-one setting. The intensity of individual emotional experience is less in a group.
This first stage of the process is called functional analysis. The goal in this stage is to get the person with NPD to understand how thoughts, feelings, and situations contribute to negative behaviors.
The second stage of CBT focuses on the actual behaviors that are making life miserable for the narcissist and those around her.
In the third and last part of the process, the client begins to learn and practice new skills that can be used to get different outcomes in real-world situations.
Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) can aid in the treatment of NPD by helping clients learn to deal with stress. NLP is a kind of mental organization programming therapy that can be used in a personal or professional setting. The goal is to change negative emotions to positive productive ones.
Many therapists first begin to overcome client resistance by complimenting the narcissist, stroking her grandiose attitudes, and challenging her to prove perceived omnipotence by overcoming her problems.
Other therapists begin by putting a clinical spin on the narcissist’s problem, attributing it to genetic or biochemical causes. In this way, the narcissist initially does not have to feel the direct responsibility for his disorder.
It takes a very soft touch from the therapist to maneuver into gradually decreasing the stroking of the narcissist’s ego in a subtle way. If the narcissist notices that the therapist has begun to treat her like any normal person, whatever bond was being built may be lost.
Schema therapy is based on the idea that we all have different parts of the self, known as “modes”—such as focused, easygoing, angry, or carefree. Most of us move between these modes as the situation requires, seamlessly and easily. But people with NPD may become stuck in their particular modes. If they are stuck, they are extremely rigid and have difficulty going from one mode to another.
One of the best ways for a counselor to help keep a narcissist from leaving therapy is for that counselor to tolerate his own fears and avoid power struggles, maintain compassion through curiosity, and help the client begin to understand and change her patterns.
Narcissism is often described as an extraordinary fascination with oneself, or as having excessive vanity. This is very different from healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is a kind of realistic self-approval and self-respect, which also is part of the sense of mutual cooperation and respect in interactions with others.
In fact, most therapists would describe those suffering from narcissism or NPD as having little self-love. That’s because what they see in themselves is an image of themselves, something that’s not true.
All emotions are created by two things: what you are thinking about, and what you are doing physically at the time you’re feeling that emotion.
Psychologists generally agree that while narcissists may believe in the false image they project, they do not feel that what makes up this image is enough to really make them superior.
Shame is thought to be a more basic emotion than guilt. It develops earlier in life than guilt. Guilt is a more mature emotion. Since narcissists often get stuck in an early stage of development, shame is more closely linked to NPD than guilt.
Digital dependence may be to blame for the recent rise in NPD and other personality disorders. Hyper-digital connections have led to a physically disconnected society.
People with NPD can be driven by shame and by fears—fears of being made fun of, of being abandoned, and of appearing lacking in any way. The increased social
isolation of the digital era can increase this state of anxiety for narcissists. It also can remove them from an environment in which they might see the impact of their negative behavior on others.
Narcissists will get depressed over feelings of failure or of losing. Narcissists often complain of feeling empty, or become bored easily when they do not get high levels of stimulation.
They can become very depressed the older they get, as they are faced more often with the realities of their limitations or what they see as missed opportunities to have achieved greatness.
NPD can be considered a depressive disorder. It is often grouped with other conditions that have depression as a major problem. Even without other diagnosed conditions present, narcissists often deal with feelings of sadness and hopelessness, and report a lack of ability to enjoy life.
Then when life does not go their way, as it inevitably will not, unlike more-assertive narcissists, depressive narcissists will blame themselves and become racked with shame that can lead to even deeper bouts of depression.
According to a recent study, more than 50 percent of those diagnosed with clinical depression also received a diagnosis of at least one personality disorder.
Parents with narcissistic tendencies may create narcissism in their children by setting unrealistic goals for them, or by forcing them to accomplish things or participate in things like child beauty pageants.
Psychologists say people with NPD crave adoration. But when they are so idolized by a partner, they are also put under pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations, both self-imposed and those put on them by the idolizing partner.
As soon as you come to realize that the partner you idolize has flaws just like you do, including the same insecurities and the same fears, it can actually improve an ordinary relationship. But for narcissists, it can be like ripping off their clothes in public and having them stand in their underwear for the entire world to see; shame, embarrassment, and depression are often the results.
Depression in narcissists can be the reaction to an inner conflict caused by their need for adoration from others. People with NPD know that they must rely on the positive feedback of others to support their inflated self-image. But they also resent the weakness of having to rely on others for anything.
It is believed by many behavioral researchers that narcissists also hate themselves for their own addictions to narcissistic supply.
Because of their lack of empathy, narcissists have lost their ability to connect with anybody. Narcissists crave attention, but deep down they are likely the loneliest people on earth, wanting empathy from others but unable to give it to anyone.
Advice on how to keep positive, creative, and exploratory in spirit in life often includes the idea of keeping in touch with your inner child. Many people do display childlike ways that are both useful and detrimental to their lives and to those around them.
This pain or suffering may leave them powerless over their drive to focus on themselves. People with NPD may need others to understand that their hurt is internal although it surfaces in external ways.
In one method of therapy, when the therapist sees vulnerability in a patient with NPD, the therapist will show the client an understanding of how painful that experience is, but that it is okay. In this way, the narcissists may begin to accept their true selves.
So it should not be surprising that one of the types of love addiction identified by Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) is narcissistic love addiction.
Narcissistic love addicts, as described by LAA, have many of the signs and symptoms of narcissism: They need to dominate and control their partners; they have the self-absorption and the grandiosity. Where narcissistic love addicts differ from the typical narcissist, however, and act on their addiction is when they feel that the object of their addiction is going to leave.
