The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

It may feel hard to them to change their feelings or the world through their own efforts or force of will. While they tend to focus on what isn’t working, it can be hard for them to take action, even though taking action might help them break them out of the focus of attention that is holding them hostage.

Creating drama can also be a way that Fours amplify what they feel is going wrong as a way of distracting themselves from painful emotional truths. They may also create drama because they don’t like to pay attention to what seems mundane or ordinary. They can inject drama into everyday experiences or the expression of their emotional state as a way of amping up the mundane aspects of life that may depress...

Because of this, others may find Fours excess...

Finally, Fours tend to focus on the past. They may replay old hurts or disappointing experiences over and over again, and they may dwell on pivotal moments in their own history as a way of explaining w...

Envy is the passion of Type Four, and it organizes the personality around a sense that what is valued and needed is outside of you and somehow unavailable.

This tendency to compare themselves with others contributes to Fours’ painful sense of lack and shame.

This sense of envy contributes to a longing for love and acceptance on the one hand and a sense of shame for needing and not feeling worthy of love on the other. Fours’ sense of inner lack also contributes to a painful cycle in that it intensifies their sense that something good—and outside of them—must be sought and gained, even as they believe that they don’t deserve or can’t attain what is needed because they are somehow deficient. Envy thus keeps Fours focused on what they don’t have, and this focus fuels their sense of lack, which only perpetuates their envy.

The Social Four dwells in a sense of deficiency and shame heightened by actively envying others; the Self-Preservation Four denies envy by strenuously pursuing whatever is seen as lacking;

Type Fours’ cognitive mistake centers on the underlying belief that they are lacking in some important quality that would make them worthy of love. Fours hold beliefs and ideas related a sense of personal deficiency and the inevitability that they will be rejected or abandoned because they are flawed. These beliefs, which act as organizing principles for the personality, structure Fours’ experience and expectations.

Others have what I want, but I can’t get it because there’s something wrong with me.

What I want eludes me, and what I can have seems somehow boring or lacking something essential. What is here and now is mundane and boring; what I desire most is ideal and at a distance.

My intensity makes me special.

I lack some basic attributes that would allow others to really love me. But if I could find the ideal person who realizes how special I am, then maybe I could really experience what I long for.

I am special, but others don’t recognize it.

No one understands me. I am destined to be...

I will never be able to fit in because I’m unique (or special or deficient). I fe...

Given these beliefs, it makes sense that Fours both search for the love that will prove them wrong and prevent themselves from being open to love in case they are proved right.

But while Fours seek love as a way of regaining what was originally lost—motivated by a fantasy that it will finally provide proof of their worth and specialness—their firm belief in their own lack won’t allow them to take in the love they think might redeem them.

Type Fours paradoxically “seek happiness through pain”15 and get trapped in the various ways they generate pain as a defense against the fear of not getting the happiness they want. And while they long for love and understanding, they habitually prevent themselves from receiving the love they seek—rejecting themselves as unworthy, invalidating the love they do get, creating drama and suffering as obstacles to healthy relationships, and proactively abandoning their efforts before they are abandoned.

And while they long for love and understanding, they habitually prevent themselves from receiving the love they seek—rejecting themselves as unworthy, invalidating the love they do get, creating drama and suffering as obstacles to healthy relationships,...

Believing goodness exists on the outside means that Fours view themselves as lacking important and positive traits and qualities. Their sense of goodness or satisfaction as something that has been or is being withheld from them leaves them with a sense of unworthiness on the inside.

An inferior self-image operates as a kind of protection within the personality because it defends against new and surprising revelations of your own lack: if you already believe you aren’t worthy, you won’t be confronted with the unexpected and painful experience of further rejection or frustration.

It can, as Naranjo suggests, represent an unconscious hope that through suffering, they will attract the attention and compassionate love of a parent or other important person who will appreciate their depth of feeling and unique brand of sensitivity. The hope may be that if someone can understand the way the Four has suffered, the Four will be rewarded with a special kind of understanding and appreciation.

This is depression as a defense: if you are preoccupied with feeling bad about not being understood in a specific situation, you won’t notice and suffer your more profound sense of inadequacy or the lack of love in your life.

Suffering can also be an expression of the Four’s unique capacity to feel things deeply and to endure pain and to comfort themselves through making contact with their pain.

Along with Type Twos, Fours are the most emotional of the Enneagram personalities. In contrast to Twos, however, Fours tend to be more introverted and are sometimes more intellectual. Fours are also more likely to feel and be comfortable feeling a wider range of emotions, including hate and anger, whereas Twos repress these feelings out of a persistent desire to avoid offending others.

Fours value emotional intensity and authenticity, they tend to feel emotions deeply, and they find more comfort in feelings like melancholy or sadness than most other types do. According to the Four perspective, emotions point to the inherent depth and truth of your experience of yourself, and so authentic emotions shouldn’t be denied, as they reflect what is special and uniquely you.

Perhaps more than any other Enneagram type, Fours possess the gift of empathy. They make great therapists and friends for peop...

Unlike some other personalities, who may urge you to “look on the bright side” when you are feeling down, Fours have the experience and the emotional courage to be with darker emotions like sadness and pain. Fours have a natural comfort with a wide range of feelings, from joy to rage to fear to sadness, though of course they may avoid feeling some of their emotions for defensive reasons at times. Their ability to feel their own feelings at a deep level gives them both a familiarity with and an understanding of the intense emotional experiences of others. Fours also automatically tune into the ...

Fours typically demonstrate a “push-pull” pattern in relationships. When a loved one is at a distance, the Four idealizes that person, focusing on what is positive and pleasing about the loved one and longing to be with them. However, when that same person comes close—when the person is relating to them intimately in the present moment, right in front of them, on a regular basis—the Four then typically focuses on what is missing or undesirable or even intolerable in the person, and feels motivated to push them away. This “push” part of the pattern represents a proactive abandonment or rejection based on a fear of abandonment and rejection, which can be experienced as a straightforward aversion to the partner. The “pull” portion of the pattern represents the tendency to idealize what seems unavailable or is at a distance and is longed for—and it also represents the Four’s real desire for closeness, a desire that can seem dangerous once someone actually comes close to the Four.

In contrast to some of the other personality types, then, Fours’ positive aspects and attributes represent a big part of their personal Shadow. It is the good things about themselves that Fours relegate to unconsciousness and don’t own or see.

In contrast to some of the other personality types, then, Fours’ positive aspects and attributes represent a big part of their personal Shadow. It is the good things about themselves that Fours relegate to unconsciousness and don’t own or see.

One of the main challenges Fours face is that their tendency to focus on what is missing or lacking in situations can get them stuck in a negative cycle in which they can’t make the transition to accepting what is satisfying and “good enough” in the present. They don’t recognize and acknowledge their own positive qualities, like their capacities for growth (and positive change), their inherent lovability, and their beauty and power. And because they focus much of their attenti...

They don’t recognize and acknowledge their own positive qualities, like their capacities for growth (and positive change), their inherent lovability, and their beauty and power. And because they focus much of their attention on the past and the future, they tend not to see ...

Although many Fours are very conscious of feeling envious, envy also operates at an unconscious level within the Four personality to motivate much of what can keep them stuck in a vicious cycle of negativity and hopelessness.

Naranjo describes the unconscious activity of Fours’ envy as an “over-desiring.” Fours’ insatiable desire or hunger for love grows out of their deeper sense that they have been deprived of the love they need to survive and their unconscious fear that they are not “good enough” to be able to deserve it or receive it.16

While the passion of envy may be obvious to the Four, and so not very “shadowy,” it nonetheless creates an unconscious conflict for Fours that can be hard to make conscious and resolve: an intense desire for love and connection from the outside, and a corresponding sense of shamefulness and i...

In these ways, Fours’ “positive” Shadow—the ways they don’t see, own, and make conscious the facts that they are just as deserving of love and capable of being loved as anyone else—keeps them from being able to access that part of themselves that could more confidently open up to fully participating in the kind of love connections they dream about. Their conviction that they are unworthy operates as an unconscious block to owning and acting upon their inherent lovability and ability to love. As a result, Fours may not only fail to see their own natural goodness, they may also take on Shadow aspects of their family or group, unconsciously carrying the Shadow—the darker feelings and parts of reality that others don’t want to acknowledge—of the larger collective. And this may intensify their inability to see themselves in a positive light.

In these ways, Fours’ “positive” Shadow—the ways they don’t see, own, and make conscious the facts that they are just as deserving of love and capable of being loved as anyone else—keeps them from being able to access that part of themselves that could more confidently open up to fully participating in the kind of love connections they dream about.

They make effective targets for others’ projections because they can’t help but be aware of—and voice—the negative aspects that others don’t want to see or own. This is why many Fours become the “identified patient” in their families. And this whole dynamic can work to reinforce the Four’s defenses, which in some ways cause them to take refuge in their “badness” as a way of avoiding the positive aspects of themselves that might lead them to open up to the dangerous prospect of being seen and loved.

the Social Four lives in it too much and wears it on his or her sleeve;

Instead of talking about their suffering, these Fours are“long-suffering” in the sense of learning to endure pain without wincing. These Fours are more stoic and strong in the face of their pain. Envy is less apparent in the Self-Preservation Four because instead of dwelling in and expressing envy, this Four works hard to get what others have that he or she lacks. Instead of hanging out in their longing in a way that prevents them from taking action, they strive to get “those distant things” that give them the feeling of being able to obtain that which was lost. Whatever they get, however, never feels like enough.

They learn to swallow a lot without complaining. Endurance is a virtue for them, and they hope their self-sacrifices will be recognized and appreciated, though they don’t talk about them very much.

Their willingness to suffer without complaint is their way of seeking redemption and earning love. Thus, this Four makes a virtue of toughing out difficulties without talking about them, hoping that others will see this, admire them for it, and help them to meet their needs. Instead of displaying the need to suffer, they have a tendency to deny their envy and bear too much suffering and frustration as a result.

Self-Preservation Fours demand a lot of themselves. They have a strong need to endure, so they develop an ability to do without. They put themselves in situations that are tough. They test and challenge themselves. One of my clients with this subtype says that she “throws herself into the fire.” These Fours have a passion for effort—they engage in intense activity, and may often appear strained and tense. They may experience distress if their activity level slows down, and they can be compulsive about making efforts to achieve what they need to survive, even if their efforts don’t take them anywhere.

In some cases, they may not know how to live without the stress and pressure they put on themselves. They don’t allow themselves the experience of living in or from their fragility.

Just as the (countertype) Self-Preservation Three wants to be seen as successful but displays humility about the work they do because they believe outward displays of vanity make them less worthy of respect, Self-Preservation Fours internalize their suffering and strive to ...

This Four tends to be a humanitarian with an empathic and nurturing disposition, someone who protests for the sake of others and is sensitive to the needy, the dispossessed, and victims of injustice. This is their way of projecting their pain outward, addressing it through others’ suffering instead talking about their own. They try to take care of others’ pain or wor...

For this subtype, masochism is the ego or personality’s strategy for getting love. Self-Preservation Fours devalue themselves in important ways, which can make it even tougher for them to do all the work they do to try to get the security and the love that they long for. Their attachment to enduring can be seen from the outside as masochistic, but it stems from a desire to earn love and acceptance through being strong and resilient.

These Fours may also masochistically enact a need to prove themselves by working against themselves: they make efforts to get what they need and want, but unconsciously work against themselves at the same time. They can be impulsive, but they will control and inhibit their impulses to get recognition. They may want to be happy, but they experience an unconscious taboo around happiness. They spend a lot of energy on being afraid of what’s happening instead of dealing with problems and making improvements, so they habitually postpone actions necessary to achieving what they want and then blame themselves for doing so. They wear themselves out seeking and striving in ways and places where they know they’ll fail, which ensures the perpetuation of a cycle of effort and devaluation. They may be ambitious, but they deny and work against their own ambitions.