The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

Similar to the Type Two’s strategy of determining what others need and like and then shape-shifting into that, Threes shape-shift to match an image of competence, attractiveness, and high status.

“Doing” thus takes precedence over “being” and feeling for the Three. Doing seems to bring the desired response of approval from others, while “being” becomes a blind spot, as feelings are avoided so as to not create any emotional obstacles to doing. This (understandably) leads Threes to be “human doings” instead of “human beings.”5

By identifying with—by locating and matching a specific image or model—and becoming what others value, Threes attempt to satisfy their need for approval, which substitutes for their underlying need to be seen and loved.

Frequent list-makers, Threes’ attention is often focused on organizing their life in terms of the tasks that need to be accomplished, results that need to be produced, and the ways they will fill their time (such that they can avoid gaps in activity where feelings could emerge).

Naranjo describes the Three as having a “marketing orientation.”

Threes tend to be characterized as “chameleons.” They have an automatic ability to match the perfect model of how someone should look in every context and every situation.

The passion of Type Three is vanity. Vanity is a passion for “living for the eyes of others.”

Threes lie to themselves about who they really are because they so badly need to believe they are whoever they need to be for others to see them in a positive light.

Unlike other personality types who may have habitual patterns that inhibit their functioning in the external world, the coping strategy at the heart of Threes’ personality structure is more aligned with what Western culture sees as a productive (and thus a good) way to operate. Their goal and task orientation, their willingness to work very hard for long periods of time, their strong sense of ambition, and their optimism regarding their ability to achieve whatever they aspire to mean that Threes are usually successful at accomplishing their goals.

To live from the authenticity of your real self, you need to own your own feelings and realize that you are not the same as your public image.

Threes regularly avoid experiencing their real feelings because they habitually suspend their emotions to get the job done.

Threes put so much attention and energy on shaping themselves according to what others see as positive and valuable, they end up experiencing a void in terms of their own sense of self.

The Self-Preservation Three is an efficient, autonomous workaholic in the service of security who goes against vanity by trying to be good. The Social Three expresses vanity by wanting to be recognized on the social stage by creating, leveraging, and selling a polished image. And the Sexual Three is a charismatic pleaser who expresses vanity by being appealing to and supporting others and achieving through them.

Following Ichazo, Naranjo calls this subtype “Security” because these Threes work hard to achieve a sense of security, both in terms of material and financial resources and knowing how to do things effectively. Self-Preservation Threes express a concern with security in that they have a need to feel autonomous and self-sufficient—to know how to take care of themselves and others.

Self-Preservation Threes strive to be the ideal model of quality in whatever they do.

They feel a need not only to be seen as good, but also to actually be good.

Their tendency to adapt to a “model” also motivates them to forget their own feelings.

In this sense, the Self-Preservation Three “has vanity for having no vanity.”16 This means that while this Three wants to look attractive and successful in the eyes of others, they don’t want other people to know they want this—they don’t want others to see that they have actively created an image to look good to others.

In denying the presence of vanity, the Self-Preservation Three represents the countertype of the three Three subtypes—that is, this Three is the “counter-passional” type, the Three that doesn’t necessarily look like a Three.

Threes often confuse their image-based reasons for doing things with their real feelings and convictions.

The passion for security in this subtype leads them to oversimplification in life, reducing their focus and interest to what is “practical and useful.”

With so much energy focused on work and efficiency and security, there can be little mental and emotional space left for these Threes to be able to engage deeply with others. Though they may work hard to maintain relationships, they may have trouble making deep connections.

They differ from Sixes in that they are fundamentally image-oriented and work harder in response to insecurity, while Sixes find protection in other ways.

The Social Three has a desire to be seen and to have influence with people. This Three acts out vanity through the desire to shine before the whole world:

The Social Three is very concerned with competition and winning. This is the most competitive Three.

The Social Three is also the most aggressive of the Threes, possessing a strong and assertive character. Because they are good at numbing out their feelings, they can—in the extreme—be cold.

For the Social Three, image and moneymaking may override good intentions or virtuous actions.

If a leader is not leading a group well enough, the Social Three can feel a strong desire to take over, as it can be frustrating for them to see the way forward and not be able to guide people in a more efficient or successful way. The Social Three enjoys being at the center of things.

However, Social Threes do feel anxiety about being overexposed. They feel vulnerable to being seen as having no worth.

Social Threes aren’t likely to be confused with other types, as this Three is in many ways the most obvious Three, especially in terms of how Threes have historically been characterized in Enneagram books.

The victory or goal that the Sexual Three subtype is interested in (that expresses this Three’s vanity) is one of sex appeal and beauty rather than money or prestige—but they are just as competitive in pursuing these goals as a business executive is in work matters.

They see their accomplishments in the successes and happiness of the people around them.

This type is more concerned with having an attractive presentation as a man or a woman—and, subtly at times, with pleasing others by being attractive in a classically masculine or feminine way.

Naranjo changed the name to “Charisma” to reflect the special way Sexual Threes motivate and excite the admiration of others through a quality of “personal magnetism.”17

Because so much depends on their being attractive to others, Sexual Threes think they need to be good and perfect to be loved. They tend to be very helpful to prove their lovability—they aspire to have the image of the “best lover” or the “perfect wife.”

One Three with this subtype commented, “it’s like we put out an ‘Out to Lunch’ sign.” This is the main issue for Sexual Threes. They typically experience a feeling of emptiness, like a void.

The Sexual Three is the most emotional of the Threes, so you are more likely to see them expressing their feelings. This Three doesn’t wear the kind of social mask that a Social Three wears. There is a deep sadness within the Sexual Three.

They differ from Twos, however, in that they focus more on a specific image of physical attractiveness and less on shape-shifting, prideful self-elevation, and meeting emotional needs.

However, while Sevens are fundamentally self-referencing, Threes reference others as a way of determining how to be. Threes are more disconnected from themselves, while Sevens typically know what they need and want.

The Inner Flow growth path for Type Threes brings them into direct contact with the challenges embodied in Type Nine: allowing for being without doing, prioritizing others and not just goals and tasks, and being connected to people without losing yourself.

Nines are particularly good at “going with the flow,” and Threes are not usually happy unless they are directing the flow and controlling progress toward a goal.

The Three working consciously in this way can make ready use of the tools healthy Type Nines use: a reliance on inclusion and consensus as important factors in getting the job done well, an ability to follow others’ lead and not always have to be the center of attention, and a sense of “gut knowing” as a way to direct their efforts.

Young Threes may have felt like they didn’t have the luxury of feeling their fear, so they coped by getting active to accomplish things. A conscious return to Six can be a way for them to allow themselves to get in touch with the fears and concerns that can force them to slow their pace in helpful ways.

Navigated consciously, a Three can use the move to Six to re-establish a healthy balance between moving forward and pausing for reflection.

To embody hope as a Three means you are able to loosen your need for control, your need to force specific results, and your need to manage others’ vision of who you are.

Self-Preservation Threes can travel the path from vanity to hope by slowing down and making room for experiencing more than just what’s on their “to-do list.”

Social Threes can travel the path from vanity to hope by making conscious use of setbacks, failures, and the experience of their own vulnerability to broaden their sense of who they really are.

Sexual Threes can travel the path from vanity to hope by learning to live for themselves and not for a real or imagined partner. This Three moves toward hope by getting to know and experience more of their real self.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less. —C. S. Lewis

TYPE TWO REPRESENTS THE ARCHETYPE of the person who seeks to please others as a way to evoke affection. The drive to win others’ approval through indirect methods, such as seduction and strategic giving, is a way to obtain emotional and material support without having to ask for it.