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September 11 - December 22, 2022
The Social Three has a desire to be seen and to have influence with people. This Three acts out vanity through the desire to shine before the whole world: Social Threes enjoy being on stage. This subtype is the most vain of the Threes, and the biggest chameleon.
For the Social Three, image and moneymaking may override good intentions or virtuous actions.
This strong need to look good can also prevent Social Threes from knowing and being connected to their real selves and their real feelings.
Social Threes aren’t likely to be confused with other types, as this Three is in many ways the most obvious Three, especially in terms of how Threes have historically been characterized in Enneagram books.
Although they are just as capable as the other Threes of achieving worldly success through competence and hard work, these Threes don’t feel the need to achieve goals in the external world because their focus is much more on pleasing and making themselves attractive as a way of earning love. They see their accomplishments in the successes and happiness of the people around them.
Sexual Threes can be very ambitious and hardworking, but it’s always to make someone else look good.
Sexual Threes put a lot of energy into seducing and pleasing others.
Sometimes it can be hard for Threes to recognize the necessity of self-work because the defensive patterns of their personality are so aligned with what society values.
It is particularly important for them to learn to access their real feelings, balance out doing with being, and appreciate who they really are and not just the images they construct.
Observe what role achievement plays in your everyday life and what you do to reach your goals.
How might you falsify yourself (present yourself in ways that differ from what you really think or do) to conform to the image you want others to have of you?
Notice what you do to avoid having any gaps in your schedule that might allow feelings to surface, and note any anxiety you feel if you have an inadvertent gap in activity. If there is a slowdown and feelings come up, notice what that experience is like and how you respond.
Aside from impatience and anger, some Threes may not feel much at all.
If they can tap into their underlying needs for approval and admiration, they can see how their habits of looking good and being effective keep them focused on the limited goals of their “acorn-self:” staying safe through maintaining a positive sense of themselves (based on social consensus).
It can be very enlightening for Threes to understand how their drives to achieve and look good actually keep them from expressing more of what’s really true (and inherently good) about themselves.
And if you do experience a failure, have compassion for yourself around it; instead of seeing it as a bad thing, see it as an opportunity to be with your vulnerability and let in what you spend so much energy avoiding. Try to experience the feelings you have in response to failure more consciously.
Recognize that truer, more satisfying forms of “value” are achieved through authenticity, not status and worldly achievements.
Regularly ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I really want to, or because I believe it will enhance my image?” As Threes become more and more aware of their real feelings, needs, and desires, they will need to seek support in accepting and embracing who they really are, especially when it differs from what they think their image should be.
Take the risk of asking for support from others who may not be able to see what you need because your image hides the fact that you are in trouble.
Allow yourself to be curious when you aren’t feeling your emotions: why do you avoid feeling, and what might you feel if you welcomed your emotions?
For Threes, developing an ability to feel and “be” is part of the larger process of getting in touch with the real self. Challenge yourself by trying to meditate, or try to not do anything at all—just sit there and look out the window. If this is difficult, allow yourself to experience how difficult it is and think about why it is so challenging.
Nines are particularly good at “going with the flow,” and Threes are not usually happy unless they are directing the flow and controlling progress toward a goal. Threes can use the Nine Point to consciously let go of their need to control things—to have things move forward at a certain pace in a certain way—and allow themselves to follow others more.
Navigated consciously, a Three can use the move to Six to re-establish a healthy balance between moving forward and pausing for reflection. They can consciously insert a healthy round of questioning before moving ahead so quickly, and they can make sure to assess what is happening at a deeper level than they normally do. Focusing on what they are afraid of can be a way for Threes to tap into a deeper emotional level within themselves, which can also be a way to highlight their need to allow for support from others.
Threes can relax more if they don’t always need to be the one in control and can call on the high side of Six to have more faith in others, allowing someone else to take the lead in solving problems and providing protection.
Hope is the letting go of the egoic need to push things forward and see results, and the knowledge and trust that good things are going to happen.
To embody hope as a Three means you are able to loosen your need for control, your need to force specific results, and your need to manage others’ vision of who you are. It means you are open and receptive to what happens, because you have a sense of knowing that things will function as they should according to creative forces that we can’t always see or understand.
TYPE TWO REPRESENTS THE ARCHETYPE of the person who seeks to please others as a way to evoke affection.
These individuals find self-worth in being needed by those they value and (unconsciously) seek to get their own needs met in return.
The natural strengths of Type Twos include their genuine ability to listen to others, empathize with their feelings, and meet their needs. They are usually cheerful, optimistic, warm, and friendly. Twos are naturally practiced in the art of using positive communication to create rapport.
Twos’ particular “superpower” is that they can be excellent friends and will often go to great lengths to take care of and support loved ones.
Reciprocity is the key to this survival strategy. Twos operate on the usually unspoken assumption that “if I take care of you, you will take care of me.”
Self-awareness for them involves recognizing how much of their giving reflects insecurity about their own perceived worth and lovability, rather than a simple desire to help without expectation of reward.
Twos’ early experience that their needs are “too much” causes them to subconsciously conclude that because their needs are neglected, they themselves are somehow not worthy of love or care.
Twos habitually repress feelings that might impede achieving a connection with important others.
Twos often lack a clear sense of their own emotions, needs, and preferences, but they can easily read and tune in to the emotions, needs, and preferences of others.
By trying to become what they believe others will like, admire, and find attractive, they end up disowning their needs, feelings, and preferences—the substance of who they really are as unique and valuable individuals. Twos trap themselves by substituting the temporary lift of approval for the real love they desperately want.
One of the most ego-satisfying compliments Twos can receive is that they are indispensable.
Twos experience difficulty in directly asking for what they need, so they seduce others as a way of getting what they need through the indirect routes of charm and apparent generosity.
They seduce through promising whatever they might need to promise to draw someone in, but may not be able to deliver on their commitments. So while it’s true that Twos like to be wanted, they don’t necessarily want to have to follow through on what they might offer.
Two might avoid negative emotions through repression, only to be overwhelmed by them when they can no longer be repressed.
Twos can be impossibly cheerful as a way of overcompensating for an underlying sense of sorrow at not getting the love they need—or overly resentful when others don’t give them what they need.
Twos tend to take things personally, even when things aren’t personal, which can make it hard for others to be candid with them. They can take others’ negative opinions of them way too much to heart, feeling like they’ve failed in their task to achieve someone’s positive regard.
Having a good time, engaging in pleasurable activities, and overindulging generally all reflect the Two’s desire to feel good without having to do the work of figuring out what they truly need.
Twos often don’t recognize the need for the boundaries that are necessary to foster the balance between freedom and contact in a healthy relationship.
At its worst, Twos’ over-giving can feel intrusive to others and burdensome for Twos even while they believe they are “just trying to help” or “maintain the relationship.”
resentment can build under the surface until it explodes in what can seem to be highly irrational, surprising, or manipulative fits of aggression.
Twos often have a blind spot concerning power and authority because their personality gives others much of the power to define their relationships.
In the subtypes, the passion of pride gets channeled into three different ways of trying to get needs met: indirectly, through others’ protection and care (Self-Preservation); by gaining admiration and respect through one’s knowledge and abilities (Social); or by creating an attractive image and adapting in order to woo specific individuals (Sexual).
Self-Preservation Twos need to feel unique and special—they have a compulsion about being the “cute” girl or boy who is liked by everybody. They charm or “give themselves” to others to remain the favorite. They excel at being the teacher’s pet.
This Two moves toward others, but also has a “counter-move” away from others out of a need for self-protection. This Two is tender and sweet, but more guarded than the other Twos.