The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

by Beatrice Chestnut

While the other two Four subtypes can be dramatic, the Self-Preservation Four is more mas...

Their attachment to enduring can be seen from the outside as masochistic, but it stems from a desire to earn love and acceptance through being strong and resilient.

They spend a lot of energy on being afraid of what’s happening instead of dealing with problems and making improvements, so they habitually postpone actions necessary to achieving what they want and then blame themselves for doing so.

This Four subtype resembles a One or a Three.

Self-Preservation Fours express a need to be light. With all the enduring and efforting these Fours do, they may at times display the high energy characteristic of Sevens, and they may also have a need for fun and playfulness as an escape from having to tough things out all the time.

The Social Four appears emotionally sensitive (or oversensitive), feels things deeply, and suffers more than most people. For this Four, there is a desire to be witnessed and seen in their suffering. They hope that if their suffering is sufficiently recognized and understood, they might be forgiven for their failures and deficiencies and loved unconditionally.

Social Fours rationalize their attachment to suffering instead of doing something about it, and they depend too much on their needs being fulfilled by others.

They also engage in self-sabotage a lot: they regularly underestimate themselves and always feel “less than” in comparison to others.

The Social Four feels guilty for any wish.

These Fours may experience themselves as misfits, and yet they also tend to generate social situations of rejection to confirm their shame. They see themselves as victims and may view others as “perpetrators,” and they don’t always take responsibility for their own actions or aggressiveness.

In the Sexual Four subtype, the inner motivation is envy, and its manifestation as competition.

If they can compete against another person they perceive as having more than they do and win, they can feel better about themselves.

Most people want to present a good image to others, but Sexual Fours don’t care very much about image management or being liked. For them, it’s better to be superior.

They feel justified in pointing to others as the source of their own deprivation or frustration, which serves as both a distraction from their own role in their suffering and a plea for help and understanding.

If Fours can tell the story of their early life and look for ways that indentifying with a negative sense of self, getting attached to particular feelings, and focusing on what’s missing helped them to cope, they can begin to have more compassion for themselves and see how these patterns have operated to protect them.

Challenge shame by focusing on all the ways in which you are good.

Consciously shifting your attention from your feelings to thinking or taking action will help you avoid fixating on your emotions in unproductive ways, valid though the emotions themselves might be.

If you are a Four, notice when you are amping things up to avoid specific experiences—like boredom or emptiness—and challenge yourself to take the risk of accepting and valuing the “here and now,” even if it feels ordinary and uninteresting initially.

When you catch yourself focusing on lack as a way of justifying your frustration, allow yourself to make a list of all the good things that are happening, and support yourself in embracing and moving toward those things.

Equanimity is a way of viewing emotions from a healthy distance, with the wisdom and detachment of the inner observer that is part of the higher Self.

Self-Preservation Fours can travel the path from envy to equanimity by relaxing into their feelings more and sharing them with others, thereby allowing themselves more sources of internal and external support.

Social Fours can travel the path from envy to equanimity by doing the work it takes to release their inferiority complex, own their positive qualities, and enhance their self-confidence.

Sexual Fours can travel the path from envy to equanimity by strengthening their ability to be with their own suffering without needing to externalize it or project it onto others.

Threes are skilled at using goals to motivate their efforts and are resourceful and productive in achieving those goals. They know how to present themselves to others and fit the image of whatever context they might be in. Their specific “superpower” is their ability to make things happen by finding the most direct path to their goal, removing obstacles that might get in the way—and looking good the whole time.

when they can learn to balance their focus on work and achievement with a focus on the needs and feelings of their true self, they can blend their skill at actualizing goals with the creativity and depth of who they are, producing positive results that can enhance life for themselves and others.

Threes report that they received the message early on that they were loved for what they did. Whether implicit or explicit, perhaps due to well-intentioned parental praise for specific accomplishments, as children, Threes came to believe that the path to gaining support, approval, and admiration from others was performing and succeeding at tasks.

Threes are not only oriented toward attaining goals and looking good, they are also highly competitive and focused on winning.

As a Self-Preservation Three, I have an instinctual sense of what needs to be done and how to do it efficiently. It was hard to acknowledge that I’ve trained those around me to expect me to take over, so in more recent years it has been an interesting experience to step back. Before I jump in, I now ask the following questions: Does this have to done at all? Does it have to be done right now? Does it have to be done by me? It’s been amazing to see how much wasn’t needed but served my “doingitis.”

By identifying with—by locating and matching a specific image or model—and becoming what others value, Threes attempt to satisfy their need for approval, which substitutes for their underlying need to be seen and loved.

Naturally able to focus like a laser beam on whatever tasks and goals will help them become what society defines as successful or valuable, most Threes achieve a high degree of worldly success. However, what gets sacrificed in the process is the Three’s feelings and authentic sense of self, as Threes don’t focus as much attention on who they are apart from their image.

For Threes, even vacation and leisure time will be structured in terms of things to do. Frequent list-makers, Threes’ attention is often focused on organizing their life in terms of the tasks that need to be accomplished, results that need to be produced, and the ways they will fill their time (such that they can avoid gaps in activity where feelings could emerge).

Threes often multitask; they are adept at splitting their attention over a range of activities. Experts at completing tasks in the most rapid and efficient way possible, Threes report that they find it both necessary and fairly easy to do many things at once, often at a fast pace, as moving quickly and efficiently enables them to accomplish the maximum number of tasks possible without wasting time.

Naranjo describes the Three as having a “marketing orientation.” A good marketer determines the needs and values of his target audience and then adapts the presentation based on his audience’s responses.

Threes’ talent for creating a persona in this way is their way of constructing an “acorn shell” that is protective and useful, but ultimately limiting if they can’t break out of it.

“Vainglory” and is described as involving “fantasizing about social encounters, a pretence of industriousness, the contrary of the truth…desire for privilege, the ultimate title, [and] slavery to praises.”

Living for and through appearances leads Threes to a constant preoccupation with how they look from the point of view of other people.

When you create an image to get love, what gets “loved” is the image, not necessarily the person behind the image, which intensifies the Three’s conviction that they can’t be loved as they are (and necessitates the construction of an image to get the love).

Type Threes have an achievement orientation, meaning they are high achievers that work hard to set and reach goals based on social or cultural conceptions of what makes a person successful. A focus on achievement also means that Threes value efficiency and move at a fast pace to get as much done as possible without wasting time.

the coping strategy at the heart of Threes’ personality structure is more aligned with what Western culture sees as a productive (and thus a good) way to operate.

Threes often report that they want to win so much that they simply don’t engage in activities they know they can’t win.

To live from the authenticity of your real self, you need to own your own feelings and realize that you are not the same as your public image.

Threes put so much attention and energy on shaping themselves according to what others see as positive and valuable, they end up experiencing a void in terms of their own sense of self.

the Self-Preservation Three is more focused on working hard to do things in the best way possible and less focused on being the center of attention; the Social Three likes to be on stage more than the other Threes and craves recognition for performance; and the Sexual Three seeks attention through attracting a romantic partner and promoting and supporting the important people in their lives rather than just manifesting their own achievements.

Self-Preservation Threes express a concern with security in that they have a need to feel autonomous and self-sufficient—to know how to take care of themselves and others.

These are assertive people who specialize in solving problems and getting things done in a high-quality way—and while they work very hard, they don’t show their stress. They are usually financially secure, highly productive, and “in control,” but they also report feeling an underlying sense of anxiety related to the effort it takes to achieve the sense of security they crave.

They want to be admired because they do things well, and they want to do the things they do in the best way possible—not just to have a good image that people will find attractive, but also to live up to that image.

while this Three wants to look attractive and successful in the eyes of others, they don’t want other people to know they want this—they don’t want others to see that they have actively created an image to look good to others.

Unlike Social Threes, who will more openly brag about their accomplishments, Self-Preservation Threes avoid talking about their positive characteristics and high-status credentials because they believe it’s bad form to advertise their strong points, even if they also want others to see them as successful. They may be either modest or falsely modest.

this subtype is also anti-deception in that they try to tell the truth.

They have a compulsion to be self-reliant and to feel in control of their lives. They also feel responsible for making everything happen, and can even have a sense of omnipotence.