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September 11 - December 22, 2022
These Twos, like other Twos, don’t want to see themselves as needy or dependent on others, and yet they can engage in a pattern of remaining unconsciously dependent, wanting someone to take care of them, or engineering situations in which people end up taking care of them.
Self-Preservation Twos can be self-indulgent and hedonistic. They are drawn to cultivate a sense of “euphoria” through parties, shopping, drinking, or indulging in food and fun—anything to distract themselves from having to contact themselves.
In the Social Two, the passion of pride manifests itself as a sense of satisfaction in the conquest of an audience.
Seduction operates in this case through the Social Two’s ability to influence the larger group by being impressive, exceptional, and knowledgeable.
They know how to orchestrate individuals within the group or community through the use of strategic giving as a way of gaining allegiance and respect.
The Social Two tries to be important to feed their pride; the Sexual Two, in contrast, feeds their pride through having somebody’s passionate attachment.
When Twos learn to risk being themselves and open up to being loved for who they are (as opposed to the false images they create to get approval), they realize the freedom of being themselves unapologetically and not having to conform to the needs and preferences of others.
Rising anger or hurt feelings can be important clues that you have been repressing needs and unconsciously expecting others to meet them anyway.
Recognize that boundaries actually make us freer to express ourselves safely in relationships and allow for better and closer connections with others.
Eights’ strength and self-confidence help Twos value themselves and be more bold in the things they do.
By consciously drawing on the strengths of Type Fours, Twos can expand their access to their authentic emotions, reclaim a healthy ability to self-reference (to balance out their disproportionate focus on others), and accept and express their needs with more confidence.
TYPE ONE REPRESENTS THE ARCHETYPE of the person who seeks to be good and do “the right thing” to satisfy an urgent need to be virtuous and responsible and to avoid fault and blame.
Type One individuals are reliable, responsible, honest, well-intentioned, conscientious, and hardworking. They sincerely want to improve themselves and the world around them. Their specific “superpower” can be seen in their high integrity and the passion and dedication they bring to the fulfillment of their ideals and the pursuit of high standards.
They can be discerning and objective, meaning that they excel at analyzing situations and clarifying issues while separating out any emotions that may be involved.
they get in their own way by overdoing their focus on virtue and thus undermine their own self-confidence, balance, and inner peace through over-control, self-repression, and excessive judgment. However, when they can learn to tame their sometimes harsh criticality and take things less seriously, they can call on their gifts of discernment, reliability, and idealism to make the world a better place.
Typically, when Ones experience an impulse—to run, to express anger, to embrace someone—it moves up from the gut and through the body before being intercepted and judged by a well-developed critical function in the mind. If the impulse fails the inspection, the One’s critical thinking function labels the impulse “wrong” and represses it.
With each “wrong” impulse, the One’s fixation with being correct and avoiding fault is in conflict with a natural and spontaneous impulse, instinct, or feeling. This conflict is frustrating, and the critical function that maintains it is relentless. This simmering anger then easily becomes resentment when confronted with “rule-breaking” or self-indulgent behavior. The One’s perception that being a resentful person is itself “wrong” or “bad” encloses the personality in a cycle of judgment and anger, of reaction and often, regret.
Naranjo explains that the Type One personality structure grows out of this early burden of responsibility coupled with little acknowledgment of the One child’s essential goodness.3 Natural frustration builds when a child has to exercise a high degree of self-control at too early an age. The One child denies this frustration through overcompensating in the other direction. She unconsciously turns away from the anger and frustration, displacing the energy of this emotion into efforts to be excessively good.
But the internal critic that originally formed to protect the Type One becomes an ever-present voice or sense, detecting fault and imperfection in oneself and the outside world.
a One changes mental focus to allow themselves to feel only the positive end of this complex set of emotions.5
Some Ones may focus on order and cleanliness in their environment, while others may not mind having a messy office but rather focus intently on larger questions in the political or moral realm, like issues of right and wrong or social justice.
Ones habitually recognize instances where others fail to meet—or even try to meet—the standards they inherently feel are “right” or “correct” or “appropriate.”
Ones avoid criticism and punishment by holding themselves or others to a punishingly high standard.
A Type One’s inner critic can sometimes develop to be more like an internal parent than simply a harsh inner judge.
Among other things, this often means that work has to come before play and they don’t leave enough room for pleasure, fun, and relaxation.
Because they believe they are always right, they can be overly critical and punishing of themselves and others, but rationalize their harsh treatment as correct or justified.
It can be hard for them to hear sincere feedback from others because they are already beating up on themselves or fearing critical messages.
Ones thus have a blind spot about the downside of their tendency to criticize.
they often fail to see and own their highly positive qualities.
Ones either try to perfect themselves and the things they do (Self-Preservation), or they consider themselves to be perfect because they adhere to “the right way to be” (Social), or they try to perfect other people (Sexual).
In the quest to perfect themselves, Self-Preservation Ones believe it’s bad to be angry and so make a virtue of being tolerant, forgiving, and sweet whenever possible.
The Self-Preservation One worries a lot. This subtype has a need for foresight, a desire to plan everything out, and a compulsion to try to have everything under control.
Self-Preservation Ones can become obsessive in their thinking and compulsive or ritualistic in their behaviors as they attempt to reduce anxiety by thinking certain thoughts or engaging in certain behaviors.
Partners can feel criticized and held to impossibly high standards, but can also count on Self-Preservation Ones to be extremely reliable and trustworthy.
The Social One is less of a perfectionist and focuses more on being the perfect example for others of the right way to be.
A Social One tends to persist in a particular way of doing things that she thinks is right, despite others having evolved into doing it a different way.
They may also be unaware of the need to appear superior, but may receive feedback from others that they are acting like a “know-it-all.”
They are great reasoners and will argue their point energetically.
The Sexual One is impatient, can be invasive, goes for what he or she wants, and has a sense of entitlement.
These Ones have an intensity of desire fueled by anger that motivates them to want to improve others. This can be expressed as a sense of excitement, passion, or idealism about the way things could be if people would reform their behavior, or if the reforms they envision were enacted by society.
This One’s anger infuses his desire with a special intensity or urgency and the person has the sense that “I have to have it,” or “I have a right to it,” or “I have to improve it (society or another person) to make it the way I know it should be.”
Sexual Ones have two sides: a more playful side oriented toward pleasure and an aggressive, angry side.
They excel at pointing out what others might need to do to reform their behavior or meet specific standards, but focus less interest and attention in reforming their own behavior, seeing what they do as right.
ULTIMATELY, AS ONES WORK ON THEMSELVES and become more self-aware, they learn to escape the trap of confirming their own unworthiness through excessive criticism by seeing and accepting imperfection, lightening up on themselves and others, and learning that they (and others) are lovable and acceptable as they are.
This can lead to procrastination (delaying endpoints when trying to make things more perfect), “one right way” and “black and white” thinking, and self-punishing attitudes and behavior.
As part of the “self-forgetting” triad of body-based Enneagram types, Ones neglect their deeper needs and vulnerable feelings in their total focus on doing the right thing and working hard to make things perfect.
Ones can deepen their understanding of themselves by recognizing that they tend to disown, dismiss, or downplay their positive accomplishments and qualities.
Ones can be particularly open to and capable of change once they see how the habits they have relied on so steadfastly only deepen their sense of inadequacy and tension.
The first step for Ones is to try to stop being so hard on themselves. Their constant striving for improvement paradoxically keeps them fixated and resistant to real growth. They will often fight this, because self-correction is at the heart of their survival strategy, but having greater acceptance of and compassion for themselves is crucial to their development. Next steps include lightening up more in general, relaxing more, and making more time for fun and pleasure.
It is very important for Ones to develop more compassion for themselves as a first step to being more accepting and less tough on themselves and others.