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by
Gary Chapman
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January 24 - January 27, 2015
When, Where, Who?
Although I like my supervisor—he’s a great guy—there are some things I like doing with my colleagues that would feel weird if I did them with my supervisor.” Many employees would echo Holly’s sentiments.
Although I’d love to go to a game with my colleagues, my commitment to my family comes first. So if I’m going to spend time with you guys, it’s going to have to be connected to the workday.” This led to a healthy discussion of ways to spend quality time with coworkers during the context of the workday (including maybe meeting briefly before or after work).
Missing the Mark: “I’m Here, Aren’t I?”
Spending quality time with others requires a positive attitude. When you do something resentfully, out of a sense of obligation, the message sent to colleagues is not “You are valued” but rather, “I have more important things to do than being here with you.” Additionally, communicating a sense of being rushed (by looking at your watch frequently), or allowing yourself to be interrupted by your cell phone, or texting a reply on your Black-Berry does not demonstrate a sense of value to others. Genuine appreciation always requires sincerity.
WORKING HARD, PLAYING HARD
MAKING IT PERSONAL
1. On a scale of 0–10, how important is it for you to receive quality time with your supervisor? Your coworkers? 2. If you felt that your supervisor really wanted to hear your ideas, what suggestions would you make? 3. When you have free time with work colleagues, do you often inquire about their personal interests? Do you wish that they would inquire about yours? 4. Have you had a “quality conversation” with a colleague within the past week? How did you feel as you walked away from the conversation? 5. Do you prefer small group dialogue or one-on-one conversation with your supervisor? How
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APPRECIATION LANGUAGE #3: Acts of Service
What really encourages Maggie is when others pitch in and help her get things done. She views herself as being “technically challenged” and is especially affirmed when someone helps her with advanced computer work.
She loves to hear a teammate say, “Maggie, is there anything I can do to help?” Maggie’s primary language of appreciation is Acts of Service. When others reach out to help, she feels appreciated.
While many people in our culture are motivated to get involved in social service projects, the idea of serving someone in the world of work is a foreign concept to them.
When our focus is on “getting ahead” personally or reaching one’s goals regardless of the impact on others, internal tension often sabotages growth. True leadership requires a willingness to serve others—either one’s customers or one’s colleagues.
HOW TO SERVE EFFECTIVELY
Such acts of service will normally be viewed as beneficial. However, several strategies can make the process more effective:
Make sure your own responsibilities are covered before volunteering to help others.
In the work setting, most jobs are interrelated. When one job is left incomplete, it frustrates the entire process. Your otherwise well-intentioned effort to help a coworker may be viewed as shirking your responsibilities.
Ask before you help.
Even when you know an individual’s primary language of appreciation is Acts of Service, you need to check with them first to see if they would like assistance on the current task.
If you want your acts of service to be received as an expression of appreciation, it’s always better to ask before helping.
Serve voluntarily.
An act of service done under the duress of a supervisor ceases to become an expression of appreciation; it becomes simply an act of duty or obedience. If a supervisor desires someone to help a team member complete a task, the process will more likely be effective if the supervisor makes a request rather than a demand.
Check your attitude.
“Work done with a cheerful attitude is like rain falling on the desert.” We think the opposite is also true. Work done with a negative attitude is like a sandstorm blowing through the desert.
If you choose to help a coworker, make sure you are able to do the task with a positive, cheerful attitude.
If you are going to help, do it their way.
If you want your efforts to be appreciated, you must be willing to do it in such a way that the individual you are helping will feel that the task was “done right.”
Complete what you start.
For those individuals for whom acts of service is important, one way to not encourage them is to start a task and then leave it incomplete.
There is one exception to this principle: before you begin, communicate the limits on your time.
If the person you are trying to help accepts your limited offer, they will likely view it as a genuine act of service.
OFFICES, ASSEMBLY LINES, AND OTHER SETTINGS
How you “help out” a colleague really is situation-specific.
The type of help you give is also influenced by the role of the staff member.
In working with floor supervisors of production companies, the issue of helping out workers who are falling behind on the assembly line is a complicated dilemma.
HOW TO HELP: SUGGESTIONS FROM THE WORKPLACE
If you know your colleague’s primary language of appreciation is Acts of Service, then discovering the specific service that would be most meaningful to them may be as easy as asking the question, “Is there anything I could do for you that would make your work easier?” Their answer to that question may surprise you, but you will now have valuable information on how you can most effectively express appreciation to that particular individual.
MISSING THE MARK: BEGRUDGING SERVICE
If the recipient of the service senses resentment or feels you are doing the task in a begrudging manner, your presence will likely demotivate them rather than encourage them.
JOHN LEE: APPRECIATION IN ACTION
If Acts of Service is the primary appreciation language of an individual, then they are energized when colleagues volunteer to help them. When they feel appreciated, they are deeply motivated to continue using the abilities they have for the benefit of the organization.
MAKING IT PERSONAL
1. On a scale of 0–10, how important to you are acts of service? 2. What is one act of service someone has done for you in the past week? How did it make you feel? 3. What is an act of service you did for a coworker in the past week? How do you think it made them feel? 4. If you are a manager, consider asking the following question to someone you supervise. “Is there anything I could do for you that would make your work easier?” If you can do what they request, why not? 5. Consider asking the same question of a colleague.
APPRECIATION LANGUAGE #4: Tangible Gifts
THE POWER OF TANGIBLE GIFTS
Giving the right gift to a person who appreciates tangible rewards can send a powerful message of thanks, appreciation, and encouragement. Conversely, giving a gift to someone who doesn’t really appreciate gifts has little impact; the wrong gift can actually create an offense.
When we introduce the concept of showing appreciation to employees through tangible gifts, many people’s eyes light up and they say, “Yes. Show me the money!” But we are not talking about raises or bonuses. Certainly, most people will appreciate a raise or extra cash, but in many work settings, this is not a realistic option.
In volunteer settings such as working for a nonprofit organization, serving at one’s church, or feeding the homeless, giving monetary gifts to volunteers usually is not appropriate. It doesn’t look right to give volunteers a card of thanks with a twenty-dollar bill in it when you are serving a holiday meal to homeless families.
GIFTS: THE WHO AND THE WHAT
First, you need to give gifts primarily to those individuals who appreciate them.
