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And really that’s all the opener is trying to do: stop them and get them to talk to you for a second. It’s your conversation skills that get that second to turn into a minute and that minute to turn into an hour.
Using Effective Language: This is the easiest “quick fix” that you can apply to your communication skills. Using effective language means saying what you mean with the fewest words possible while still maintaining your meaning and intent.
It also means removing “um,” “uh,” “ah,” “like,” “you know,” and other fillers from your everyday speaking. Removing all fillers 100% of the time is often impossible (I still
drop an “um,” or “you know,” occasionally), but the more of these you remove, the more clear and coherent your speaking will be. Nothing screams a lack of sophistication like somebody who sprinkles “like” and “umm” throughout his stories constantly.
Questions versus Statements: Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and instantly makes conversations more personally.
You should cold read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer, take a stab at the answer instead of asking.
Besides that, creating conversations out of statements protects you from what I call “blanking.” You know when you are talking to a woman and all the sudden the conversation dies and you have no idea what to say? You’re sitting there awkwardly and the more uncomfortable you feel, the harder it is to come up with something. Eventually, you blurt out something boring like, “So… where do you live?” Using statements can prevent this a great deal. Instead of fishing for a new conversation based on a generic question,
you can simply comment about something or observe something. Never underestimate the power of non-sequiturs.
Speaking in statements in this fashion — to generate spontaneous conversation — is important in that it forces you to share yourself with her. When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport. But if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself and giving her a chance to chime in
with her input as well.
Conversations only end when one person says something to which the other person has no jump off points. This is what happens when a conversation “dies.” If you teach yourself to recognize jump off points and take advantage of them as soon as possible, you’ll be able to sustain a conversation with almost anybody indefinitely. Combine this skill with the ability to cold read and create conversational threads out of thin air by making statements, and you will literally develop the skill to begin and control any conversation with anybody for any length of time.
When you are talking to a woman, there are only two real subjects of conversation: her and you. Everything you speak about should be, in some way, revealing your identity to her or her identity to you.
The reason is that a strong sense of humor conveys all of the attractive traits of your identity to a woman. A man who can laugh easily at the world and who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself conveys a sense of non-neediness. He also makes women feel good around him and, therefore, more secure. A man who is very serious and unable to laugh at himself or the world conveys that he is heavily invested in the perceptions of the world around him and is therefore needy.
Sometimes your jokes will fall flat, particularly when you’re starting out. That’s OK. Don’t laugh at yourself. Don’t make fun of yourself. Don’t try to explain the joke. These are all needy responses that are dependent on others’ perceptions of yourself rather than your own. Sometimes jokes are bad or unfunny. That’s fine. Just move on.
Dropping a well-timed F-bomb can make a funny joke even funnier. But dropping an F-bomb into everything you say just makes you look unsophisticated.
- I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.” That’s it. Most girls who are interested in you will respond somewhat quickly. The ones who do not respond to this will usually flake on you.
- From there, I usually wait another day or so and start a text conversation. I like to reference a conversation we had when we
met in this text to try and keep some continuity. The goal here is nothing special, just trying to get a little bit of back and forth going. It’s been over 24 hours and I’m seeing how warm the lead still is. Typically, if I can get a text conversation going here, then she’s pretty likely to go on a date with me. If her responses are few and far between, then she’s likely a flake.
- I have to say this again: don’t get fancy or cute in your texts. Texting is, in general, an awful medium for communication. Often if you try to get too sarcastic or witty in your texts, they can be easily misinterpreted or come off with a completely different intention than you originally had. And remember, everything comes back to intention. So clear, blunt language.
When to Go on Dates: Don’t do
lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if possible. Just don’t do it. For whatever reason, nothing says, “let’s just be friends” more than having lunch together.
Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching and flirting. Alcohol can be helpful as well if that’s your style. Some good examples include comedy clubs, dance classes, museum exhibits, walks in interesting places (plazas, parks, etc.), concerts, or
just grabbing a drink somewhere.
On our dates, we are doing things — lots of things. We’re going
bowling, having drinks, dancing, checking out statues in the park and carriage riding — all in three hours.
The underlying concept to have on a date is that you should try to constantly be leading. Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again.
pay unless she physically pulls out her wallet/credit card and stops you. Until she physically does that, just pay.
I’m going to say this point-blank: getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, is ultimately the difference between having a lot of female friends, and having a lot of girlfriends and dates.
When it comes to kissing a woman, there’s an old adage amongst dating coaches: if you think you can kiss her, you probably could have ten minutes ago.
Think of it this way: it’s much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been. So the rule of thumb is, when in doubt, go for it.
