Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

chapter, it’s that it is far more powerful to be something attractive rather than to say something attractive. You can say the most attractive sentence in the world, but if it isn’t backed up by who you are, then it’s not going to have any meaning. Whereas if you are something amazing, then anything you say will be attractive because it will be coming from a genuinely attractive man.

Women are attracted to your identity. Words mean nothing. What you say is only a means to buy you enough ...

As men, we’re prone to assume that women perceive attraction in the same way we do. Science and psychology show that this isn’t the case. Men judge female beauty by physical traits first, personality and presentation second: high cheekbones, facial symmetry, waist-to-hip ratio, breast size, etc. As such, we often fall into the mistake that women judge our attractiveness with the same metrics; hence, obsessions with bench presses, height, and penis pills.

That’s why I draw the distinction between being good-looking and being attractive. Not everybody is born good-looking. But any man, with some time and effort, can become attractive. And in the end, what women want is a man who is attractive.

A makeover and wardrobe change can make meeting and dating women three times easier literally overnight. Not to mention all of the psychological side benefits of making you feel more confident, more interesting, more excited, etc.

Remember, your outward appearance is a reflection of your self-investment (or lack thereof).

If you don’t put a lot of time and effort into how you look and how you present yourself to the world, women look at that and make unconscious assumptions about your status as a man.

People are always talking about what the “magic pill” to attraction is. If there was such a thing it would be the two F’s. Bar none, fitness

and fashion will do more to attract women in a shorter amount of time than anything else you can do. Being in decent shape and dressing well will make every phase of the process easier and smoother, from meeting women, to attracting them, to getting physical with them, to dating them, to staying in a relationship with them. There literally is no downside to either one.

There are a few rules to dressing well: 1. Wear clothes that fit. 2. Wear clothes that match. 3. Dress to your personality

When it comes to clothing, fit is king. You can have the nicest, most expensive clothes in the world, but if they don’t fit well you’ll look like a clown. On the other hand, you can have some modest or even mediocre clothing, but if it fits well (and you’re in decent shape), you’ll look quite good.

- Your belt should match your shoes and/or your accessories. - If you’re wearing dress pants, your socks should match your pants.

If you’re wearing jeans, your socks should match your shoes. - Your accessories must all be gold or all silver.

As

you walk down the street, remember: shoulders back, chin up, eyes straight, feet straight, shoulders swagger, arms swing. Always look straight ahead. Don’t ever look down at the ground unless you think you’re about to trip. Look people in the eye as they walk by — particularly attractive girls. You’ll catch people making eye contact with you. You’ll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them.

Another problem men have is they often talk too quickly. This comes from a subconscious belief that if we don’t get everything out quickly, people won’t listen to everything we have to say. This is a needy behavior.

Also, chances are you are not

loud enough. In fact, just about everyone does not speak loud enough. Speak louder. Do it now, do it everywhere. Don’t scream. But speak loudly, from the diaphragm, from your chest voice. Research shows it commands more respect and attention.

One thing that consistently holds men back is that they come across as just another typical dude or bro. Dime a dozen. We’re pressured most of our lives to go with the flow, go along with what our friends like and just agree with what those around us think.

As we’ve discussed, this is unattractive behavior because it demonstrates a lack of investment in your own interests, passions, and desires. Attractive men are polarizing and uninhibited. Attractive men make their opinions known. They’ve had unique experiences and ideas. They’ve tried things many people haven’t tried, done things many people haven’t done, and share their ideas openly and freely.

Put another way, an attractive man with depth and character is a man who has opinions and open...

There’s nothing wrong with being amiable and enjoying similar things to your friends. But one thing that will always make you stand out, particularly to women, is if you’ve not only expanded your horizons, but you’ve also made your own decisions about your personal tastes, your experiences, and what you think about various topics.

The second point I’ll make is what my high school literature

teacher always told us: “You read literature because you can never meet enough people.” What I take from this is yes, even though reading Hemingway or Milton Friedman’s economic theories may not directly get you laid, what it will do is develop your perspective to be more varied, allow you to be able to relate to more people’s experiences and ideas, and generally have a wider body of knowledge for dealing with people in general.

Developing an attractive lifestyle is a long-term process. It requires a consistent and penetrating look at your actions, your habits and what you’ve chosen to do with most of your time.

The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to

stop believing your own stories. The resistance is constant. So you must constantly fight against it, acknowledge the stories you create for yourself, look them in the eye and say, “You know what, I don’t care if she’s on her phone and her ass says ‘PINK’ on it, I want to meet her.” And then do it. Without hesitation. Without fear. And without apology.

The next time you make your move, when she sees you coming — and trust me, she usually sees you coming — know that she’s already rooting for you. Secretly, she wants you to succeed as much as you do. And for a moment, she’s your biggest fan. And your role as a man is to take action. It’s all on you. It’s always on you. You move things forward.

And this is where the vast majority of men falter. An action as simple as opening your mouth, moving your feet in the right direction, or picking up the phone — they simply don’t do it. The fear

and rationalizations mentioned in the previous chapter are too large. It feels too overwhelm...

See, a lot of people assume non-neediness means being fearless. But non-neediness simply means

to feel the fear and not let it define you. Non-neediness is feeling the fear and deciding that something else is more important. If I say or do something that screws everything up (and I still do all the time), I don’t really care. It doesn’t change how I feel about myself, and it doesn’t change my confidence in my ability to interact with women in the future.

You can build up an incredibly attractive lifestyle and persona, focus on the proper demographic, act boldly and pursue women shamelessly, but if you can’t communicate to them your intentions and your personality well, then it will be hard to maintain their interest for very long.

Remember, women don’t see your features, they see how you present yourself. They don’t hear your words, they hear your intentions. If you suffer from chronic rejection, then you are presenting yourself poorly and/or have poor intentions. In both cases, you’re needy, and therefore, you will always be seen as unattractive until you are able to invest in yourself.

If you research dating advice and pick up tips, you’ll find dozens and dozens of methods of “building attraction” with women. Some of the more popular ones include teasing, bantering,

negging, cocky/funny, push/pull, qualification, statements of interest, false disqualifiers, roleplaying, leading and pacing, eliciting values, magic tricks, cold-reading, false takeaways, word games, hand games, betting and competition, etc.

Scientific research shows that sexual tension builds when the uncertainty of potential sexual possibilities is presented in an interaction.

If you tease a woman about her hair, telling her she looks like ET with a perm, or that your grandmother once owned a wig like that, you accomplish sexual

tension because you are sending mixed signals. Your intentions are sending a “Yes, I like you,” signal, while your words are sending a, “No, I don’t,” signal. This generates uncertainty and, therefore, sexual tension.

This is why most dating advice in western culture, to both men and women, encourages you to send mixed messages, “play hard to get,” or play games with one another. Sure, it distorts intentions, but it al...

See, if a man is having an innocuous conversation with a bunch of small talk, there is never any uncertainty in the woman’s mind as to where things stand. The conversation is shallow and simple and so there’s no question as to why they’re talking or the significance of what they’re talking about. If a man begins to flirt with a woman by teasing her, then suddenly he adds a new dimension by creating uncertainty: Does he like me or not? Why is he flirting with me? But if a man goes the bold and vulnerable route, and is willing to

risk rejection, he is rewarded by creating massive amounts of sexual tension, because in a single stroke you have transported the context away from, “What do we talk about next?” to “What will he say or do with me next?”

Of course, this is often easier said than done. Flirting this way requires showing vulnerability, risking rejection, and/or potentially being creepy. And at first, you may flirt in needy and supplicant ways, repelling women even faster than you did when you were just plain and boring. But eventually, exposing yourself and your sexual desires will force you to be less invested, more confident, more dominant, and more attractive. The teasing will help by creating the perception of non-neediness, and the boldness will make women more and more receptive to your eventual sexual advances.

Your ability to connect with a woman emotionally is proportional to how self-aware you are of your own emotional processes and motivations.

And the most important rule of emotional connection is to relate to feelings, not facts. Seduction is about feelings, not facts.

Everybody on this planet shares

a handful of universal emotional realities: ambition, shame, alienation, loneliness, achievement, regret, hardship, friendship, love, heartbreak. We’ve all experienced it. The facts change, the feelings are the same. I don’t care how shallow or dumb or weird or annoying she is, she has it somewhere in her. It’s your job to dig it out and connect with it. That’s where the gold is. That’s where the real magic happens. Challenge yourself to find it. Because once you do, you’ll never go back.

Be careful though, some women will feel cheated if you get too close to them without following through on any sort of commitment. Our culture has hammered it into women’s head that emotion equals commitment equals happily-ever-after, but that’s just rarely the case. So make sure when you connect with women on a deep level, they can handle it

You can ask a woman how her day is going, or say the most perceptive and witty thing to her in the first minutes, but her first impression is largely going to be based on how you present yourself (looks/lifestyle; Chapters 7 and 8), your level of anxiety (anxiety; Chapters 9 and 10), and your ability to communicate clearly. What actually comes out of your mouth is going to be forgotten or completely irrelevant within seconds.

In my experience, the fancier and more creative guys try to get with their opening lines, the more likely they are to a) say something weird and b) come off as needy. Think about it, if you sit around for 10 minutes trying to think of what to say to a girl so that she’ll like you, how is that ever not needy?