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Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them? • What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are the events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies? • If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.
Political organizations or events • Concerts and concert promotions • Amateur sports leagues (ultimate frisbee and co-ed volleyball tend to have a lot of women — women in good shape too) • Volunteering, charities, charities events (usually overloaded with great women) • Training courses (leadership, public speaking) • Cooking classes • Yoga classes (a goldmine) • Meditation courses and retreats • Self-help seminars and educational events • Travel groups (i.e., couch surfing) • For the religious: a church or whatever your faith’s equivalent is • Educational
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A blunter way of putting it is: whether you realize it or not, the results you get with women are always your fault.
Because here’s the amazing thing about people, both men and women: people tend to conform to what we expect of them.
want to get this out of the way and make it 100% clear. Age, money, and looks matter — in some cases a lot, in other cases, not a lot, but they still matter. And anyone who tells you that they don’t matter is lying.
The main reason is that studies have also found that women judge a man’s status far less on actual physical dimensions and far more on style, grooming, and how men present themselves.
The other finding is that the less wealthy she is, the more important money will be to her.
If there’s one takeaway from this chapter, it’s that it is far more powerful to be something attractive rather than to say something attractive.
As such, we often fall into the mistake that women judge our attractiveness with the same metrics; hence, obsessions with bench presses, height, and penis pills.
Clothes that fit:
Look people in the eye as they walk by — particularly attractive girls. You’ll catch people making eye
contact with you. You’ll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them. Do it until it becomes a habit.
This comes from a subconscious belief that if we don’t get everything out quickly, people won’t listen to everything we have to say. This is a needy behavior.
What is there about you that would stop her dead in her tracks and make her say, "Wow, this man is unique?" What do you
have that they don’t? What can you offer that most other men can’t?
What are your rough edges that people can’t find anywhere else? What have you done that will make you stand out in her mind?
The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories.
Sure, you’ll have to flex your mental and emotional muscles, and build up your body of self-awareness, but here’s the good news: those are the muscles chicks actually dig.
I’ve noticed correlations between high degrees of anxiety and experiencing one or more of the following situations: lack of a father figure growing up, emotionally abusive childhood, childhood traumas, strict religious upbringing, strict cultural upbringing, bullying or social ostracism growing up.
We’re here to do something about it. This section of the book is called Honest Action for a reason.
You remove anxiety, and trial-and-error will take care of most of the rest.
The first step to overcoming your fears is to figure out what your pattern is.
Sure, this stuff all helps, but in the end, your best teacher is your experience.
The key to overcoming your fears is first and foremost to break your patterned response to your fear. This requires a certain level of self-awareness and discipline.
So here are some helpful ways to break your own pattern: Take a moment and think about what you’re most anxious about. Is it approaching? Is it showing
sexual interest? Is it asking a woman out? Is it the first kiss? Now write down your pattern with it. So for instance, “Calling women, pattern is apathy,” or “Approaching women, pattern is blame game.” Now, create a goal for yourself, for instance, “Call every phone number I get, no matter how much I don’t care.” Write it down. Tell a friend or a buddy what you plan on doing and ask him to keep you accountable.
“If it’s a question of me being screwed up or
masses of people being screwed up in the same way, then it’s far more likely that it’s just me being screwed up.”
Taking responsibility and morphing blame into sacrifice empowers you. It puts the ball in your court and returns you to the healthy reality that the only person in this world who determines your success and failure is you.
Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.
addiction, here’s something I can tell you that is absolutely true: porn harms your motivation to pursue women in real life.
The problem is that there are some negative side effects. The first being that porn creates very, very unrealistic expectations about sex, about women, and about sexuality. Porn makes money by accentuating and exaggerating sexual ideals.
accomplishing something. Napoleon Hill wrote a famous section in his classic work Think and Grow Rich called “Sexual Transfiguration.”
So without further ado... • End all pornography immediately. Starting today. Delete everything from your computer. Throw out any discs or DVDs you have. And if you have trouble controlling your urges, download some free website blocking software and block every porn site you know of indefinitely. This may sound horrible or extreme, but trust me. You will thank me in a month. • Limit your masturbation to once a week. Schedule it. Pick a day. I usually pick Monday. Do not deviate from your masturbation schedule! If you want even a larger dose of motivation (and you want to be as horny as a
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When you masturbate, you’re only allowed to fantasize about women you’ve met and have not had sex with. It could be that woman at work. That girl you met Saturday night. The girl you have a date with that week. Whatever. But she has to be real, and she has to be someone you have not slept with (but obviously want to). • When you masturbate, use lotion or lube. Do it slower than usual. Drag it out longer than 10 minutes if you can. Take your time with it. Enjoy it. You don’t get to do this every day, remember?
In Buddhism, there’s a saying, “What you resist will persist.” And it’s true in this case as well.
Feeling fear and acting despite it builds courage. Anytime you’re afraid to do something and feel some invisible force holding you back, yet you push through it anyway, you’re building courage within yourself.
“You know, I’ve never done this before, and I know we just met, but why don’t you come to the restaurant with me?”
There’s no such thing as a man who is adored by women who isn’t also creepy some of the time.
For instance, if you approach a woman and stand there and talk about the weather, but you’re staring at her rack the whole time while licking your lips, then you will come across as creepy. Your actions and words are
completely out of line with your intentions and she can see that.
supplicant ways, repelling women even faster than you did when you
“You know that look women get when they want to have sex? ... Yeah, me neither.”
I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.” That’s it. Most girls who are interested in you will respond somewhat quickly. The ones who do not respond to this will usually flake on you.
When to Go on Dates: Don’t do lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if possible. Just don’t do it. For whatever reason, nothing says, “let’s just be friends” more than having lunch together.
Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again. It should be like this: “Hey, let’s grab some
As far as what to talk about, your conversations should be getting deeper and more personal. There should be less teasing and playful banter and more conversations about your lives and what’s important to you. Learn about her past, her passions, her dreams, what her favorite things are.
At the same time, you don’t want to turn this into a job interview (which too many dinner dates turn into), but elicit these topics by sharing them yourself. Finally, the big question in our
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘what do women want?’”
In her book, My Secret Garden, the journalist Nancy Friday collected anonymous sexual fantasies from women around the world.
