Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Non-neediness means you respect yourself AND others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

The difference is that if a woman says something offensive, a narcissistic man will berate her and try to get her to change her mind, whereas a non-needy man will simply make it clear that he found what she said offensive and will not tolerate it again. How she responds is her choice.

about. If a woman says she needs to leave a date after 30 minutes, he will not try to trick her into staying or beg her to come back, he will not yell at her or lecture her on manners. He will smile and say, “Nice meeting you,” and let it go.

“She really liked me and gave me her number. She responds to my texts, but when I tried to get her out on a date, she made excuses. So then I texted her some more and she said she wanted to see me, but when she did show up for the second date, she was late and said she had to go early. She didn’t kiss me. Now I’m texting her and she’s texting back but won’t agree to go on a third date. What do I do?”

My answer to these men is always the same: if you make it clear from the beginning that you are unwilling to put up with games, then not only will the women you attract stop playing games, but you’ll stop attracting women who do.

In the example above, my plan of action? I would have said to her, “Let me know when you’d like to get together again. If you’re not interested, that’s fine too.”

I’ve said something similar to women probably 5-10 times. Without exception, they’re completely stunned. Often, they immediately apologize and say that they didn’t mean to be so flakey. Oddly enough, my honesty and complete willingness to be rejected (or to reject them) demonstrates my non-neediness and often it causes them to become more attracted to me.

hear that. But a lot of shit in life hurts. Get over it. It’s for the better. She just saved us both a lot of time and effort.

Men who are non-needy establish strict boundaries because they value their own time and happiness more than receiving attention from a woman. They

That I’m unwilling to tolerate women who don’t make me happy, no matter how hot they are.

What I discovered is that there was not anything objectively better or more interesting about these girls. The only thing that seems to attract men to them is the fact that they look like women they see on TV and movies and in porn.

For instance, perhaps you’re over-invested around women because you’re a virgin and have no experience with them.

You are going to be incompatible with most of the women in the world and to hold any hopes of being highly compatible with most is an illusion of grandeur and a figment of your own narcissistic tendency.

Incompatibility is a fact of life.

Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are.

This is a fairy tale. And not only is it a fairy tale, it’s a fairy tale you don’t actually want to live. It feeds your neediness. Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

Men don’t seem to understand that if a woman rejects him because he’s short, or because she doesn’t like his hair, or because she finds him boring, then he wasn’t going to enjoy being around her anyway.

Ask yourself this: why would you want to be intimate with someone who doesn't appreciate you?

Why would you ever settle for such a person? Because she's hot? Come on, have a little more self-respect. Have some higher standards.

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

There are an infinite number of women out there, and we can’t possibly meet or even know all of them. So our first task is to find a way to narrow them down and screen them in a way that we can manage our opportunities better.

The Three Categories of Women

you don’t find a woman attractive, don’t hit on her, don’t ask her out, don’t do anything.

If you like big girls or curvy girls, go for it. If you prefer black girls with dreadlocks, more power to you. If you like older women or younger women, cool. Don’t pressure yourself to live up to someone else’s standards. And again, for the love of god, if you don’t find her attractive, don’t pursue her.

For practical purposes, we can divide up all of the women you’re attracted to into three categories: Receptive, Neutral and Unreceptive.

If you hang out with her and she talks about how frustrated she is with her boyfriend and how you’re such a good listener, then she’s Unreceptive.

they will usually polarize towards being Unreceptive (this is the Friend Zone, which we’ll cover in a minute).

Or sometimes, they just haven’t considered you in that way yet.

Whatever it is, the goal with Neutral women is to take an action that forces her to make a decision about how she feels about you.

She asks for your number or invites you out with her/her friends.

It’s important to recognize the subtle difference between a woman reciprocating your advances and a woman being neutral toward your advances.

So your mission with Unreceptive women is to spot them as quickly as possible, and then politely move on. Rejection, in this case, is often your friend, as we’ll see later.

At the bar, the first question out of my mouth is one of my favorites for Neutral situations: "What's your favorite thing in the world?"

The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your

social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

The men who employ this strategy employ it because they’re trying to avoid confrontation and controversy. Many of these men have been avoiding confrontation and controversy their entire lives. It’s part of their fear of vulnerability.

“By the way, thanks for not being ugly.”

Being slapped also taught me that you can’t always control how people react to you. Some people are completely out of their minds or they behave very inappropriately. You can’t help this. You cannot control what happens in every interaction. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.

As soon as you realize that 95% of this attracting women stuff has nothing to do with you, is the moment you become free to pursue what you want without hesitation or fear.

Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?” Instead of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I hope I'll find out if she’s right for me.”

There are three ways in which we are honest. And those three ways will make up the bulk of this book. The three ways are 1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (boldness); and 3) by expressing our sexuality freely (communication).

Lifestyle, Courage, and Communication: I refer to these as the Three Fundamentals.

For instance, Honest Living, or creating an attractive lifestyle involves really drilling down and understanding what you want as a man for your life and then working to make that a reality. If

If you’re afraid to approach a woman, it’s because somewhere inside you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are in your own opinion of yourself.

A man who communicates poorly or is unable to express himself clearly will lose a lot of romantic opportunities to “lost in translation” situations — misunderstandings, vague communications, inaccurate assumptions, etc.

Some dating advice tells a 40-year-old divorced banker meeting women at an art gallery the same advice that they tell a 19-year-old college kid sneaking into house parties. This is stupid. These two men have completely different priorities, life experiences, personalities, and interests, and the women they’re going to meet in those two locations are going to be different in age, education, values, emotional development, appearance, and interests. That some advice would give these men the exact same lines or strategies to use just goes to show how completely out of tune a lot of men’s dating advice is today.

The answer isn’t replacing your identity and passions; the answer is to expand your identity and passions.

you focus your time and energy on meeting women in situations where they are likely to share your values, interests, and needs — then you’re going to not only experience a much higher degree of success, but you’re going to meet women you enjoy a lot more.

you love dancing or different types of music, then chances are the women you’re going to meet at various dance events and concerts are going to be more compatible with you and you’re going to have much more success with them.

What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself a few questions: • What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look.