Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

by Douglas Stone

Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade. Coated with sugar, thrown hard or soft, a hand grenade is still going to do damage.

The point is this: difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.

Of course, in advance, we don’t know what we don’t know. But rather than assuming we already know everything we need to, we should assume that there is important information we don’t have access to. It’s a good bet to be true.

To communicate with clarity and power, you must first negotiate yourself into a place where you truly believe that what you want to express is worthy of expression – a belief that your views and feelings are as important as anyone else’s. Period.