Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

by Douglas Stone

Let them know if there will be a delay – don’t leave them hanging. One of the most common communication disconnects that occurs with e-mail is the result of delays in responding. One party sends a question. The person receiving it thinks, “Good question. I’m not sure of the answer. I’ll have to think about it or ask So-and-so.” So they wait to respond until they have a substantive response, which often ends up taking longer than they at first expected. In the meantime the person waiting for the answer is left to interpret the silence, wondering, “Why aren’t they answering me?” and answering with their fears: “I must have upset them,” or “They obviously don’t care,” or “They’re avoiding me,” and perhaps concluding, “I can’t work with this person.” This pattern is predictable and avoidable. If you’re not going to answer right away, send a quick note explaining why and when you expect to get back to them. “Let me check with Dan, and I’ll get back to you in a few days. If you haven’t heard from me by Tuesday, please send a reminder. Thanks!”