What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

by Shad Helmstetter

“I am a winner! I believe in myself. I respect myself and I like who I am. I have made the decision to win in my life, and that’s what I’m doing!”

LEVEL 5 SELF-TALK The Level of Universal Affirmation (“It is…”)

There is another type of self-talk-like phrases that I have called “Level 5 self-talk,” which, while similar to the other levels of self-talk we’re discussing, in practice is very different. This is the use of “affirmations.” Various forms of spiritually-oriented affirmations have been practiced for many years. These affirmations are often similar to the mantras of the ancient religions that inspired them, and they usually affirm a oneness with spirit, or speak of a divine affinity of being which transcends our earthly life and gives greater meaning to our existence.

“I am one with the universe, and it is one with me. I am of it, within it, and exist as a shining spark of light in a firmament of divine goodness.”

Affirmation – A usually spiritually-oriented phrase, often general in nature, which affirms an overriding consciousness of unity and well-being. Self-Talk – Specific statements of self-direction designed to wire new neural pathways into the brain.

There are two levels of self-talk which you should learn first––and two others which you should unlearn fast. Starting right now, the moment you recognize why the self-talk you have used at Levels 1 and 2 hasn’t worked, stop using it. There’s no reason to use it any longer. Replace those two negative kinds of self-talk with the positive self-talk of Level 3 and level 4.

The researchers discovered that people who typically think positively, actually grow more neurons in the left prefrontal cortex of their brain. That area of the brain is, in part, responsible for our ability to seek alternative solutions to problems, deal with challenges, and maintain an even balance.

Meanwhile, researchers found that people whose thinking is typically negative, grow more neurons in the right prefrontal cortex of their brains. That’s the part of the brain where pessimism, uncertainty, and negative moods live.

The first challenge confronts those who believe that positive thinking, by itself, fixes everything. It doesn’t. Just “believing” everything will work out, without creating an action plan to solve the problem, will only end in disappointment, and any notion of becoming a true positive thinker will soon fade away.

Imagine that you have a “mental apartment”––the place you live with your thoughts. That mental apartment is furnished with everything you think about yourself and the world around you; it is furnished with your thoughts. Much of the mental furniture in this mental apartment is “hand-me-down” furniture. It is the old negative way of thinking which was handed down to us from our parents, our friends, our teachers, and everyone else who has been helping us program our subconscious minds: they gave us the furniture which we have kept and which we use in our mental apartment.

It is fine to throw out the old––it is essential. But it is also essential to replace the old with the new, word by word, thought by thought.

Just wanting to be a positive thinker isn’t enough. Making the decision to have a positive attitude isn’t enough. You have to wire the new habit into your brain. The human brain says: “Give me the directions, the commands, the picture, the schedule, and the results you want. Then I will do it for you. Give me the words.”

Most motivation simply doesn’t stick. It doesn’t stay with you.

All external motivation is temporary.

in the human brain, it is physiologically impossible for momentary external motivation to create permanent change.

We rely on friends, books, family, luck, problems, achievements, and social pressures to tell us what to do and to keep us doing it.

Most of us will admit that we feel we “have to,” “should,” “need to” or are “supposed to” do most of what we do. We have even found a popular word to express the result of too much of that kind of motivation: stress.

Interestingly, the human brain has no neural networks that are designed to store motivation––and the result is, the brain doesn’t store it––it can’t. Any motivation that comes to you from an outside source, no matter how exciting or powerful that motivation may feel at the moment, cannot be stored by your brain.

In most cases, with hypnosis, a hypnotherapist is responsible for temporarily overriding programs, or specific control centers, in your brain. With self-talk, you’re in control, and instead of temporarily overriding programs, you’re actually rewiring neural networks to create long-term changes to the structure of your brain itself.

Responsibility does not mean “duty” or “burden.” It is not the measure of our liability or our accountability: it is the basis of our individual determination to respond to life and to fulfill ourselves within it.

We take our first breath by ourselves. And we take our last breath alone. How, then, is it that somewhere in between, in that time we call life, we expect someone else to do our breathing for us?

SILENT SELF-TALK

SELF-SPEAK

SELF-CONVERSATION

SELF-WRITE

RECORDED SELF-TALK

“Believing in Incredible You.”

The three-step process I’ve taught for many years includes Monitor, Edit, and Listen.

MONITOR The best way to monitor your self-talk is to practice mindfulness. As we’re using it here, mindfulness is “being aware of being aware.”

Listen for any message you give to yourself that could wire your brain to work against you. Listen to both the words you say out loud, and also to the words that you think or say silently, to yourself.

EDIT When you hear yourself using the wrong kind of self-talk, either thinking or saying the wrong thing, immediately edit the message. Change it. In that moment, turn it around and rephrase it in the positive.

“I just can’t seem to get organized today” immediately becomes “I am organized and in control, today especially.”

“I’ve really got a problem with this...” turn it around and say “I can handle this. I’m a capable person and I handle problems well.”

“I just can’t seem to lose weight” becomes “Losing weight is not a problem for me. I eat exactly what I should and only the right healthy amount––I’m losing weight and looking great.”

By itself, editing your self-talk won’t erase the old programs you already have. But if you keep doing it, editing will forever stop you from wiring in any more of the same.

LISTEN As we learned in the previous chapter, many people who want to change their self-talk listen to sessions of positive self-talk phrases that are downloaded or streamed to their phones or tablets.

THE KEY IS REPETITION

The reason listening to self-talk is so effective is that it gives you the repetition that is required to rewire your brain. And it does so without you having to take any extra time, or consciously work at it.

But since self-talk becomes a self-generating habit––the more you use it, the more you use it––its success will depend more on getting started than on what you decide to use it for first.

If you ever find yourself falling into the habit of finding fault with, complaining about, criticizing, or resenting your job, step aside and talk to yourself.

If you are serious about wanting to increase your income, begin by giving yourself three weeks of self-talk for self-worth and financial worth––then set your goals and write your plan.

Children are closer to the original potential we were born with. Until we become programmed to believe what we cannot do, as children we are still willing to believe in what we can.

If you’d like to do better in school––or anytime you are improving your skills:

self-talk can help you with the basics; it can help you listen better, have more concentration, help you develop and keep good study habits, improve your determination to stay with it, sharpen your memory, and help you keep your spirits up and your eye firmly fixed on the goal ahead.

If you ever get down, feel lonely, or become depressed:

Of the many ways you can use self-talk in its various forms, you will find that all self-talk suggestions or phrases fit into one of four categories: habit-changing, attitude-building, motivational, or situational self-talk.

Putting Things Off or Procrastinating Working Too Hard or Not Working Hard Enough Arguing Ignoring Problems Over-Sleeping Smoking Forgetting Names or Other Important Things Being A Complainer Making Excuses Losing Things Overindulging––Eating or Drinking Too Much Being Sarcastic Saying “Yes” When You Want To Say “No” Never Being On Time Not Listening Blaming Others Interrupting Other People When They’re Talking Being Disorganized Not Telling the Truth Worrying Being A Gossip Not Setting Priorities Letting Your Emotions Control You Wasting Time Giving Advice That Isn’t Asked For Spending More Money Than You Earn Talking Too Much Being Overly Critical of Others Not Taking Care of Details Starting Something But Not Finishing It

PUT YOUR SELF-TALK IN THE PRESENT TENSE

All positive self-talk (with the exception of situational self-talk, which we will discuss later) is written, read, recorded, listened to, thought, and spoken in the present tense. It is always stated as though the desired change has already taken place.

I always do everything I need to do, when I need to do it. I never argue or let my emotions work against me. I don’t smoke. I have a good memory. I easily and automatically remember any name or anything that is important to me. I eat only what I should. I am a good listener. I hear everything that is said. I am attentive, interested, and aware of everything that is going on around me. I have the courage to state my opinions. I take responsibility for myself and everything I say and do. I never spend more than I earn. I am financially responsible, both for my present and for my future. I set goals and I follow them. I set my sights, take the appropriate action, and achieve my goals. I spend time with my family and my loved ones. I enjoy sharing their lives with mine and my life with theirs.