What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

by Shad Helmstetter

“As a man thinketh, so is he.”

You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming––what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.

The reason why some people accomplish nearly any task more easily than others, achieve their goals more readily, and live their lives more fully, is this: Those who appear to be “luckier” than the rest have actually only gotten better mental programming to begin with, or have learned how to erase their old negative programming and replace it with something better.

It makes no difference whether we believe it or not. The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.

Leading behavioral researchers have told us that as much as seventy-seven percent of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us.

Repetition is a convincing argument.

In time, we became what we most believed about ourselves. And in so doing, we created that wall of failure and self-doubt, which for most of us will stand invisibly but powerfully between us and our unlimited future for as long as our old programming remains in force.

in order to work, and keep working, the new idea (or message) has to become physically wired into your brain.

creating lasting, positive mental changes is: understanding how your brain gets wired, and the role you play in the wiring process.

creating positive personal change––which always begins with mental change––is: a new, word-far-word set of directions, new programming to both your conscious and subconscious minds.

The more you think about yourself in a certain way, the more you will think about yourself in that same certain way.

The human brain will do anything possible you tell it to do if you tell it often enough and strongly enough.

We have learned that what we put into our brains is what we will get back out. We also have learned that the subconscious mind is a sponge; it will believe anything you tell it––it will even believe a lie––if you tell it often enough and strongly enough. That part of the brain makes no moral judgments; it simply accepts what you tell it.

I gave you earlier are only a few leaves in a forest of negative self-talk. In fact, most of our average, habit-formed, everyday self-talk is the kind that we don’t even notice.

There is a natural process by which success or failure in managing or controlling our lives takes place. The process consists of a sequence of steps. If we are aware of what the steps are, we can improve our chances, and accelerate our advances.

That is because success in self-management is always the result of something else, something that leads up to it.

THE SELF-MANAGEMENT SEQUENCE The Five Steps That Control Our Success or Failure

1. BEHAVIOR The step that most directly controls our success or failure is our behavior––what we do or do not do. Behavior means our actions.

2. FEELINGS Every action we take is first filtered through our feelings. How we feel about something will always determine or affect what we do and how well we do it.

Is it the flying? No. It is her feelings about flying that cause her to act the way she does.

3. ATTITUDES Your attitudes are the perspectives from which you view life. Some people seem to have a good attitude about most things.

4. BELIEFS What we believe about anything will determine our attitudes about it, create our feelings, direct our actions, and in each instance, help us to do well or poorly, succeed or fail.

5. PROGRAMMING We believe what we are programmed to believe.

1. Programming creates beliefs. 2. Beliefs create attitudes. 3. Attitudes create feelings. 4. Feelings determine actions. 5. Actions create results.

self-talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.

LEVEL 1 SELF-TALK The Level of Negative Acceptance (“I can’t...”)

This level is easy to spot. It is most always characterized by the words, “I can’t...” or “If only I could...” or “I wish I could…” and so on. All Level 1 self-talk works against us. And unfortunately, it is the most frequently used self-talk of all.

“I just don’t have the energy I used to,” “I could never do that,” “I just can’t seem to lose weight,” “Well, I just don’t know...”, “Today’s just not my day,” and “I just can’t.,”

are typical of the kinds of doubts, fears, misgivings, and hesitations we program ourselves with when we say any Level 1 self-talk phrase to ourselve...

There is no way to estimate the amount of havoc and misdirection that Level 1 self-talk wreaks in our lives. It clutters, blocks, and confuses.

LEVEL 2 SELF-TALK The Level of Recognition––and Need to Change (“I need to… I should...”)

This level is beguiling. On the surface, it looks as though it should work for us. But instead, it works against us. In this level of self-talk, we are stating to ourselves and to others our recognition of our need to change.

Level 2 self-talk is characterized by words such as “I need to...” or “I ought to...” or “I should.” Why does that work against us? Because it recognizes a problem, but creates no solution.

When you say to yourself (or to someone else) “I really need to get more organized,” what are you really saying? You are saying, “I really need to get more organized...but I’m not.” When you complete the sentence, it is always, unconsciously, ended with an uns...

“I really should try to get to work on time.” “I’ve just got to lose some weight!” “I’ve got to do something about that.” “I really ought to take more time wi...

Your self-talk then becomes, “I’d really like to earn more income...but I’m not. I wish I could...but I can’t. I know I need to take care of that...but I’m not taking care of it. I ought to call home more often...but I don’t. I’d like things to work out better...but they won’t.”

Level 2 self-talk creates guilt, disappointment, and an acceptance of our own self-imagined inadequacies.

LEVEL 3 SELF–TALK The Level of Decision to Change (“I never...I no longer…”)

Level 3 self-talk is the first level of self-talk that works for you instead of against you. In this level, you recognize the need to change, but also you make the decision to do something about it—and you state the decision in the “present tense”—as though the change has already taken place.

Level 3 is characterized by the words “I never,” or “I no longer.”

“I no longer have a problem dealing with people at work.” “I never eat more than I should.” “I never get upset in traffic.” “I no longer put ...

When you begin to practice the new self-talk for yourself, you will find that you will need to use Level 3 self-talk only on those occasions when you are working at effecting a specific change.

Whether the habit you are working to change is with your health, your relationships, your finances, or any other issue, it doesn’t make any difference that you’re still living out the results of the old, outdated habit when you start telling your subconscious that you choose to change.

LEVEL 4 SELF-TALK The Level of the Better You (“I am”)

This is the most effective kind of self-talk we can ever use. In our self-talk vocabulary, Level 4 is the kind of self-talk that is needed most.

“I am organized and in control of my life. I am a winner. I am healthy, energetic, enthusiastic, and I’m going for it. Nothing can stop me now. I like who I am. I am in tune, on top, and in touch, and going for it. I have determination, drive, and self-belief. I am living the life I choose, and I choose what’s right.”

Always keep in mind that by stating your self-talk in the present tense, you’re not trying to kid yourself, or tell yourself something that isn’t true. What you’re actually doing is giving your brain a completed picture of the task. In essence you’re saying, “This is how I choose to be. This is who I want you to help me become.”

“I do everything I need to do when I need to do it. I enjoy getting things done, and I enjoy doing things on time and in just the right way.”

Instead of saying, “I can never remember names,” the Level 4 self-talker automatically says, “I have a great memory. People are important to me, and I am able to remember any name I choose to remember, anytime I want.”

Name the adversary, state the problem, and you can find the self-talk that created it. But for every word of negative self-talk that has ever been uttered, there is the right kind of self-talk to counter it, reprogram, fix the problem, and make it right.