The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

seeing what you can learn from failure or disappointment

it is normal to have a reaction to failure and you can ‘nurse’ your Chimp through it. There is little point in fighting the reaction, but it is better to work with it.

Denial

Yearning

Bargaining

Anger

Disorganisation

Reorganisation

Measure success in relative terms

Deal with failures or setbacks constructively

get a perspective on all life events.

If your Chimp grieves, allow it to express itself.

enter the positive state of mind you need to add on extras in your life and bring quality to it.

When you achieve something, no matter how small the Chimp may think it is, celebrate and pat yourself on the back.

don’t forget to cherish precious things that you have before they are gone.

Being honest and approaching the problem together to find acceptable solutions is the best way forward.

make sure that you are happy with the Chimp and Human in the other person.

write three columns on a piece of paper. In the first column put all of the good points of their Chimp and their Human. In the second column, write down all of the not-so-good points that don’t really bother you.

The third column is for things in their Human or Chimp that you do not like and will find hard to accept.

have put down anything in this column then you are really saying that you cannot live with this person. This seems tough, but research looking at lots of couples indicates that whenever there is even one item in the last column, the relationship is unlikely to last.

It is unrealistic to believe that any one person can meet all your needs

Choose your friends on the basis of not only what you can offer them but also what they can offer you.

Make you feel good about yourself • Help you develop as a person • Bring out the best in you • Put you first before themselves

Accept you as you are

Imagine that you are going to hand your partner over to another person and you have to be absolutely truthful about your partner, warts and all. Try speaking into the air and tell the new person what to expect from the relationship.

The Chimp is a vulnerable individual trying hard to be accepted within the troop and trying to impress the troop.

critical and lack confidence in its own abilities

It will be intolerant of any shortcomings or mistakes that it makes. The Chimp believes that others are constantly judg...

Human recognises that although everyone has different abilities and looks, everyone is equally valuable as a human being.

recognises that trying to impress and keep others happy, in order to be popular, is not a good basis for living

The Human believes that all you can do...

make sure that you have a Stone of Life with the values that you honestly want to be measured by. Then measure yourself and others by these values and do not allow your Chimp to hijack you.

The Human will give a balanced viewpoint and see both attractive and unattractive aspects about yourself.

The Chimp will look at your physical appearance and your achievements to define who you are.

A true self-image will be based on how much you are living out your values.

Make your choice between Chimp and Human assessments.

If you must compare yourself then do it with Human criteria

you can either work with the Chimp and its value system, or you can work with the Human and its value system.

know what your absolute values about life and people are,

try to develop the habit of looking for solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

You can choose how much a situation bothers you.

It is for you to decide what in your life is important and what isn’t.

Ask yourself how long you want to brood or dwell on something unpleasant

ask what good is brooding doing?

learn to laugh at yourself and keep a sense of humour,

be proactive in life,

Try not to be reactive to another person’s moods or wishes.

Try to deal with the cause of a situation and not the symptom.

know exactly what will make you happy and then make sure this happens.

The ‘immediate happy list’ • The ‘delayed happy list’