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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Steve Peters
Read between
June 14 - November 5, 2018
do not displace personal negative emotions, such as frustration or anger, into a professional relationship.
‘what am I wanting from this relationship and what is the other person wanting?’
A personal relationship with someone involves a relationship with both the Human and the Chimp.
some part of the relationship is in a joint Realm where decisions are therefore necessarily joint
Imposing rules onto someone in their Realm is a form of passive aggression.
Teams operate with either a leader who wears the crown or with a democratic group decision.
know who, if anyone, is wearing the crown, and also how rules will be made.
CORE moon addresses the preparation to undertake a task.
checking that you have a real possibility of achieving what you are setting out to do.
put yourself through a ‘Commitment Screen’. It is important that both you and the Chimp sit down together
recognised that the Chimp was joining in the decision-making by the statement, ‘I will really enjoy the FEELING of being fit.’
feelings come from the Chimp and can be very transient and unreliable.
demonstrate the need to work out what both your Human and your Chimp can commit to.
The Chimp needs to let you know what it feels and the Human needs to let you know how practical it is.
Motivation is Chimp-driven. It is a feeling based on emotion.
Motivation generally happens when there is a great reward to gain or when you are suffering so badly that you want things to change.
problem with motivation is that it works on feelings
Commitment, on the other hand, comes from the Human and does not depend on feelings.
Commitment means following a plan even if you do...
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it is commitment not motivation that matters.
use the ‘Commitment Screen’, which is a list of questions
first aspect is working out what you will need to do the job. The second aspect is preparing solutions to overcome anything that might stop you
First aspect: What is needed for the job?
Essential • Significant • Desirable
Essential – these are the things that are critical for the venture to succeed.
Essentials are both physical and emotional in nature and this is where it is worth doing two lists
The first list is for you the Human and the second list is for the Chimp.
The Human covers the practicalities and truths and the Chimp covers the feelings and...
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Significant – these are the things that will definitely have an influence on the final outcome and ...
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Desirable – these are things that may or may not help, but they will make things more comfortable.
Second aspect:What are the challenges
Hurdles • Barriers • Pitfalls
Hurdles – these are things there is just no getting round and you have to jump them.
work out what these are and then have a coping strategy
Barriers – these are things you can get around with good planning.
Hurdles can’t be removed, barriers can.
Pitfalls – these are areas that could easily be your downfall
Is it really a dream? • How important is this to you and your Chimp? • Do you and your Chimp really want to achieve it? • What are the benefits of achieving your dream? • Are the benefits worth having, compared to the cost of getting there?
The plans and requirements to fulfil the dream • What plans have you made to achieve this? • What have you tried in the past? • If it failed in the past, why was this? • What are you going to do that is different this time? • What new strategies have you got for the future? • What worked in the past? • Have you made sure that your plans are watertight by letting someone else check them with you? • What are the essential, significant and desirable requirements for both Human and Chimp for this plan to work? • Have you got the essentials in place BEFORE you start?
Hurdles, barriers and pitfalls • Have you made a list of the hurdles you have to jump? • Have you got a...
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What will you have to sacrifice? • What are your plans for dealing with the downsides? • What stress will you face in trying to achieve this dream? • What barriers do you think you will have to get round or negotiate on? • What are your plans to avoid or get round each barrier? • What pitfalls might you need to avoid? • How will you recognise the pitfalls as you approach them? • If you failed to reach your dream how would you feel and how will you deal with this? What will keep you going when you face problems? • How will you deal with failing to meet a goal or target? • Who have you got to
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• What are the disadvantages to giving up the dream? • What plans have you got for when you sto...
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Be realistic with your resources
Time management is a skill worth learning.
Work effe...
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Prioritise what you n...
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Doing one thing at a time, where possible, is the best way to giv...
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Avoid negative people or at least let them know wh...
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Actively listen to advice
make the decision and follow it through.
