The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

You may still be disappointed with the level you achieve but at least you can hold your head up and say that it was your best.

Personal excellence is defined as doing your best.

The carrot and no stick

It is based on the principle that people are doing their best and if they are failing then it means they need more support, guidance or development.

People prefer to be encouraged, supported and rewarded, rather than being beaten. Of course there are standards to reach and benchmarks must be set and the consequences of not reaching them clarified.

If someone has tried their best with full support and failed to reach the benchmark then they can accept the consequences, which may be unple...

There is no place for a stick in society. There is a place for benchmarks and consequences of not reaching them, whic...

In a civilised society the stick is replaced with carrots, benchmarks and consequences.

Rewards

Celebrations

Recognition

Encouragement

Support

Any form of threat, punishment or attack is a stick. Sticks can be physical or psychological.

Beating yourself up

Guilt, blame and regret

Living with guilt, blame or regret is a terrible stick that will destroy any chance of happiness or constructive living.

It can also become a tool of self-pity to use so that we don’t have to get on with life.

The abusive reminder stick An even worse stick is when someone has done something wrong and clearly shown remorse and change, only to be repeatedly reminded of their previous misdemeanours by another person. This very strong form of passive aggression by the stick-wielding person is abuse.

Define what you mean by success and stick to it. • Wear the crown when it is appropriate. • Respect the crown when it is on somebody else’s head. • Commitment is the biggest part of the CORE principle. • Take ownership and responsibility for your life. • Aim for personal excellence. • Grow lots of carrots and get rid of the stick.

Turning failure into success

If you have no interference from the Chimp then you are likely to be very successful. If you look after the Chimp then it may even help you to be successful.

However, if the brain recognises that it is in full control of a situation then the Chimp relaxes and the blood supply goes to the Human.

If you spread out your efforts on too many things then you are likely to increase your chances of failing.

The fewer tasks you focus on, the more likely you are to succeed with them.

When your target goals are reached then you can swap the target goal to a maintenance goal and select another maintenance goal to become a target to work on.

The more preparation you make with your plan the more likely you are to succeed.

Define exactly how you will measure each goal so that you can see your progress.

Monitor the success with a chart or some form of visible record so that you can see your progress

Motivational reminders are also very helpful, such as a poster on the wall or a written message to yourself. This might stop the Chimp from hijacking you.

Make sure the task is small and achievable within a short time. Your Chimp will be happy doing this because it is quick and the results are immediate, and Chimps like immediate gratification.

Remember that partial success is better than no success.

Plan a reward and celebration for each goal achieved and each stage reached, before you start.

One of the key factors to a good audit is to be flexible in your thinking and with your original plan.

Successful thinking is based on flexible and adaptable thinking.

People who blame others and circumstances only very rarely improve and tend not to learn from their mistakes.

In other words, our Chimp excuses us when we go wrong but blames others if they do exactly the same thing that we have done.

The first danger is complacency. Whenever we have achieved something there is a tendency for the Chimp to forget quite quickly exactly what we had to do to succeed.

A common problem people experience, following a success, is to go into an emotional dive or feel depressed. There has been so much time and effort put into achieving the goal that there is a bit of an anti-climax afterwards, with a loss of focus and routine.

It is therefore important to plan how you will deal with success and celebrate what you have achieved.

Anything in life is only as important as you want it to be.

When you have begun to implement the plan keep reminding yourself of why you want the dream to happen and what it will mean to you to succeed.

Be able to deal with immediate and chronic stress.

The problem is that our Chimps are never satisfied and whatever we achieve, or can do, they frequently dismiss as low-key or worthless.

You can either forgive the partner, and don’t bring it up again, or you can call it a day and let the person find someone else who won’t torment them.

The Human recognises that although everyone has different abilities and looks, everyone is equally valuable as a human being. The Human also recognises that trying to impress and keep others happy, in order to be popular, is not a good basis for living life. The Human believes that all you can do is your best. The Human also believes that the values that count in life are not based on looks, achievements or possessions but are based on values such as honesty, integrity, kindness and consideration.

But it will do this by looking at Human values such as compassion, honesty and altruism to decide on the person that you are.

The Human is likely to say that everyone is equal in value and although we possess different skills and abilities the overall belief is that all are equal as humans.

The Chimp will say that everyone is at a different level and some people are better than others, with power, looks and possessions being very important.

It is very important to know what your absolute values about life and people are, BEFORE you start trying to work out who you are.