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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Steve Peters
The Chimp is an emotional machine that thinks independently from us. It is not good or bad, it is just a Chimp.
Having a Chimp is like owning a dog. You are not responsible for the nature of the dog but you are responsible for managing it and keeping it well behaved. This is a very important point and you should stop and think about this because it is crucial to your happiness and success in life.
You are not responsible for the nature of your Chimp but you are responsible for managing it.
One of the secrets of success and happiness is to learn to live with your Chimp and not get bitten or attacked by it. To do this, you need to understand how your Chimp behaves, and why it thinks and acts in the way that it does. You also need to understand your Human and not muddle up your Human with your Chimp.
The Chimp forms an opinion based on its feelings and impressions and then fixes its opinion. It then searches out evidence to back up its opinion and prove its point.
The Chimp is an emotional machine that will hijack you, if you allow it to. It is not good or bad: it is a Chimp. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. This is The Chimp Paradox.
The golden rule is that whenever you have feelings, thoughts or behaviours that you do not want or welcome, then you are being hijacked by your Chimp.
‘Do I want these thoughts?’ or ‘Do I want to be behaving this way?’ If the answer is ‘no’ then you are in Chimp mode
‘But what if…?’
‘But I feel…’ or ‘But I don’t feel…’
Remember that Chimps like to go on how they feel to decide on future actions, whereas Humans tend to go on what needs to be done and also how they will feel at the end of the day when they look back on how they used their time. These are two very different approaches.
The simple answer is that the Chimp is more powerful and acts more quickly than the Human.
Willpower is not a good way to try and manage your Chimp – don’t arm-wrestle the Chimp!
A chimpanzee is five times as strong as a human being. Similarly, your emotional Chimp is five times stronger than you are. Don’t try to control it, manage it. You need a management plan!
Part of the problem is that most people don’t realise that the Chimp is merely making an offer and not a command. You do not have to follow your emotions; you have a choice.
You have a responsibility to manage your Chimp.
You can’t change the nature of your Chimp BUT you are responsible for managing it.
This means you may always experience thoughts and feelings from the Chimp that you don’t welcome. Your Chimp will mature and it will learn some basic behaviours but its drives remain the same.
The main drives and needs of the Chimp are unique to your Chimp but for most Chimps these are a combination of power, territory, ego, dominance, sex, food, troop, security, inquisitiveness and parental drives.
Chimps get frustrated if they feel that others are encroaching on their area of responsibility, such as a job role.
The important point is to recognise the Chimp’s needs and to look after it.
First: recognise that the drive is present and then find a solution that will make the Chimp feel fulfilled and happy in a way that is acceptable in the world in which you live.
Sublimating means constructively redirecting the energy and drive somewhere else.
In order to look after your Chimp you really should seek out praise from those whose opinion you respect or think is important.
Nurture the Chimp and get the recognition that it needs by asking for constructive feedback from someone whose opinion you believe is important.
Allowing the Chimp to express emotion will calm it down and then the Chimp will be able to listen to reason or just go to sleep.
Expressing emotion means saying exactly what you think, no matter how irrational it may be and doing this for as long as it takes.
By the right person, I mean someone who recognises that this is just a Chimp letting go and not you.
So if you are listening to someone else’s Chimp then wait until it has finished exercising!
Using facts, truth and logic we can continue to calm the Chimp down and reason with it. This reasoning by the Human is called ‘Boxing the Chimp’.
‘There has been an injustice but this particular injustice may never be resolved and we need to set a limit on the efforts to resolve it.’
Remember that the Chimp is making an OFFER. You the Human have the CHOICE.
Boxing the Chimp is therefore telling it truths that it will accept in order to calm it down.
The rambling gets more and more stupid but less and less powerful.
Again, the important point for you is to find the truths that will settle your Chimp down and make it go into its box and sleep.
We never control the Chimp; we manage it. There is a difference. Remember that the Chimp is five times stronger than you; so do not use willpower to try to control it. It will defeat you in the long run. Instead manage the Chimp by exercising and boxing it.
Paranoid thoughts can be dealt with by first recognising that you may have an overreacting Chimp offering you ideas that are too sensitive or imaginative. This often happens because the Chimp feels insecure and also hasn’t got the facts, so it fills in the missing gaps.
Often when we talk things out a few times the picture becomes clearer. The most important thing is to establish the facts and this usually means approaching the person or people concerned to clarify what is happening in a constructive way.
These are things the Chimp wants that are given either as a distraction or a reward.
‘We don’t think, we just get up on the count of five…
For this to work you must prevent the Chimp from thinking.
This banana (which is a rapid pattern of actions that prevents thinking) keeps the Chimp from thinking but it must be activated quickly.
Blocking the Chimp from thinking can be used in a lot of different scenarios with good effect.
Common bananas for most Chimps come in the form of praise or approval from other people.
You are a separate entity to your Chimp.
Chimps like to survive; Humans like to have a purpose.
in order to look after your machine well, you must consider the needs of both the Chimp and the Human.
‘Do I want…?’ is the question to ask in order to recognise if your Chimp is hijacking you. If the answer is ‘no’ then you are being hijacked.
Learn to be NEAT in life It is Normal to have Chimp outbursts and activity that you will not manage well. Therefore, you should Expect this to happen from time to time. Accept that you are not perfect and this animal is very powerful. Take care of the outburst or activity by appropriate means, such as apologies if you have affected others, or by forgiving yourself if you feel you have let yourself down.
If you have negative emotions, turn these round and use them to move forward.
