The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

as a routine; having a positive self-image. Goblins and Gremlins Goblins and Gremlins are more or less the opposite of Autopilots. They are unhelpful and destructive behaviours, beliefs or automatic programmes that are stored in the Computer. A Goblin is usually put into the Computer when you are very young. During the very early part of your childhood your Computer tends to hard-wire any information put into it. So Goblins are more or less hard-wired into the Computer and are very difficult to remove, so you need to learn to contain them. As a rule, Goblins occur before the age of about eight and Gremlins usually occur after the age of...

which ones can be removed and which ones probably can’t be removed. That way you are not trying to do the impossible. Either way you can deal with these unhelpful creatures once you have detected them. An example of a Goblin Let me give one example of a Goblin. The Fridge Door Syndrome depicts the most common example of a Goblin and this one affects...

of emotion. The teacher says to the child, ‘Let’s paint a picture for your parents.’ After painting the picture the child runs home to show the parent. As the child runs up to the parent, the parent says, ‘What is that you’ve got?’ The child hands over the painting. The parent responds, ‘This picture is fantastic, you are very clever, I am so proud of you, I want the world to know just how good you are,’ and then puts the picture on the fridge door for all the world to see just how clever the child is. What has happened is that the child now has a great big Goblin to share life with! Let’s look at the same scenario with a different approach. The child returns from school with the painting and runs to the parent. The parent responds with, ‘Hang on,’ and moves the painting to one side and hugs the child. Then the parent says, ‘I am so p...

the painting and the child, and asks the child if they would like to put it on the fridge door because it is pretty. In the first scenario what the parent did was to tell the child that it was clever and that the parent was proud of it because of what the child had achieved. In other words, implying that the child’s worth is dependent on the painting. Then the parent went on to tell the child that they wanted to let the world know by putting the picture on the fridge door. The message to the child was: ‘It is what you can achieve in life that will make you worthy. It is what you do that will make others see you in a good light.’ The message to the second child was that you are worthy just as you are. It is who you are that is being loved and respected and you don’t have ...

child if it has done its best, whatever the level it has achieved. Of course there is a balance to be had and in these two scenarios I have taken an extreme view to drive the point home, but all too many of...

If we knew nobody thought badly of us then we would have little fear, it would be more of a nuisance to fail and we would then deal with the consequences. We would also not weigh our own self-worth by an exam result. This is the Fridge Door Goblin at its best!

This syndrome is extremely common and the majority of the population seems to be affected by it. However, we can manage it and work around it, not letting it control us. Part of the problem is that the Chimp helps the Goblin. The Chimp has a very powerful troop drive that ensures our survival by being part of the troop. To be part of the troop means that we must be accepted. To be accepted means that we must be strong and useful. Therefore, from the primitive Chimp instinct we want to impress others. Clearly if we link this drive with the Goblin, it becomes very strong indeed. Therefore many people suffer emotionally because they are constantly worried about what others think of them and they would love to just live their lives and not be concerned, but the Chimp and Goblin won’t let them.

An example of a Gremlin One example of two very common Gremlins that most people have in their Computers and experience from time to time: t...

unhelpful expectation. Checking to see if you are being realistic and reasonable about any expectation you have is always well worth doing. If your expectations are unrealistic or unhelpful then it is almost guaranteed to lead to very strong negative emotions within you. Typically, emotions such as frustration, anger or disappointment rush in. Consider a simple Gremlin that says, ‘I believe that I should always be on time.’ If you are late, for whatever reason, then you are likely to become stressed, as you are going on a belief that you should always be on time. You could replace the Gremlin with an ...

Another example of an unrealistic expectation is that you always have to win to prove yourself.

What you hold as a belief will definitely affect the way in which you handle outcomes or respond to them, whatever they are. It is better to have realistic expectations or in some cases hold no expectations at all. Examples of other Gremlins include: • Overreacting to situations • Eating every time you feel like it but don’t need to

Beating yourself up • Worrying about decisions and not making them • Getting angry when you don’t want to The Computer acting as a reference source There are three aspects to the Computer acting as a reference: • General reference with Autopilots and Gremlins • The Stone of Life with the ‘Truths of Life’, ‘Values’ and the ‘Life Force’ • The Mindset General reference with Autopilots and Gremlins

Both the Human and the Chimp use the Computer as a memory bank ...

‘ALL bosses are going to be critical and make you feel bad.’ This interpretation by the Chimp is not that helpful and could be very destructive in the future. It is not the truth and is therefore a Gremlin (an unhelpful belief that is likely to lead to unhelpful behaviours in the future).

The Human and the Chimp could choose either an Autopilot or a Gremlin. What happens depends on what is chosen

Having lots of Gremlins in the Computer is very destabilising to both the Human and the Chimp. The Stone of Life with the ‘Truths of Life’, ‘Values’ and the ‘Life force’ The Stone of Life is your ultimate reference point. It is where your ‘Truths of Life’, ‘Values’ and ‘Life Force’ are all inscribed. The Chimp and Human gauge everything by the Stone

The Truths of Life The Truths of Life are how you believe the world works and you can ‘prove’ they are true by examples and experience. You have either worked them out or accepted them from somewhere (parents, education, experience and so on). Everyone will have different truths but many of us share some of the same truths. The truths may be the same as some Autopilots or even some Gremlins, but they are the ones that you have chosen to live by. They are a set of beliefs that you believe are true.

My first three Truths of Life are: 1. Life is not fair. 2. The goal posts move. 3. There are no guarantees. If I manage to live by these ‘truths’ or rules then very little upsets me.

In reality not everything works out. I think it is worth trying to make good win and to be fair, but it is unwise to believe it SHOULD happen and something is wrong if it doesn’t. Hence, my own number one truth of life, ‘Life is not fair’.

Values Within the Computer you have unwritten values that you believe to be important to you. Just as with the Truths of Life, it is very helpful for you to work out your values, as these values will be the guide for the Human and Chimp to work to. The values will act as a constant reminder of where your heart and soul lie and will settle down both the Human and Chimp in times of distress. Values are judgement calls that you have made and reflect moral and ethical principles that you intend to uphold. For example, you may hold the value that ‘lying is wrong’. This is not a truth of life as you can’t prove it, but it is a value judgement. Common values that some people hold could be: • Being unfaithful is wrong. • Family is more important than work. • Being selfless is a virtue. So the difference between ‘Truths’ and ‘Values’ is that ‘Truths’ are evidence-based, whereas ‘Values’ are personal judgement calls.

The Life Force To discover the Life Force on your Stone of Life, imagine that you are 100 years old and on your death bed with one minute left to live. Your great-great-grandchild asks, ‘Bef...

Answering this question will identify what is important to you, what is the essence of the Sun within your Universe. It is what life is all about to you. It is your ‘Life Force’. Many of you will answer with statements such as, ‘it doesn’t matter what you do’, ‘be happy’, ‘don’t worry’, and ‘make the most of it’. Whatever your advice was to your great-great-grandchild is really the advice to yourself. If you are not living by this advice, which is the essence of your existence, you are living a lie. Don’t live a lie; it will unsettle you more than anything else. Summary of the Stone of Life • The Truths of Life are statements that you believe are

true for the way that the world works. • The Values are the principles and ideals that you believe in. • The Life Force is what you believe life is all about and how it should be lived. The Mindset The final aspect of the Computer acting as a reference is the Mindset. To understand a Mindset it is helpful to ask three specific questions. • How do you see yourself? • How do you see others? • How do you see the world? The way in which we approach life is greatly influenced by the way in which we see ourselves, others and the world in which we live. These three

viewpoints represent the Mindset that we hold. So a Mindset is the basis that we work from when dealing with...

For example, suppose you see yourself as a very intelligent person whom everybody loves and the world as a place of fun and opportunity, then your Mindset means that it is likely that you will get up every morning feeling good and will look forward to new experiences. It also means that if you meet someone who doesn’t like you then you will probably think that something is wrong in their world and that when it comes right they will like you again. As you can imagine, this particular Mindset will probably be a great advantage to you most of the time and get you into difficulties only very occasionally. Certainly, it is very likely that you will be a happy person. Now let’s reverse the situation. Suppose you believe that you are not intelligent and that you have to try and hide this so that others won’t find out. You also believe that others are better than you and that they are usually trying to uncover your own inadequacies. Finally you believe that the world is a hostile place that you must survive each day. With this Mindset, it doesn’t take too much imagination to see how destructive this will be to you. You will not want to try anything new for fear of looking silly and being found out and confirmed as an idiot. You may be very cautious with other people, often resenting and finding fault with them, as you may feel they are patronising you.

These two Mindsets are very severe but they do represent two ends of a spectrum within which we all tend to fall. It is well worth spending some time thinking about the Mindset that you have because it will affect the Chimp, the Human and what goes into the Computer by distorting your perception of what is happening in everyday events.

Your Mindset greatly influences the way in which you act and portray yourself to the world. Summary key points • The Computer has two principal functions: running automatic programmes and acting as a reference source for the Human and Chimp. • The Computer can be thought of as being twenty times faster to act than the Human and four times faster than the Chimp. • Autopilots are constructive and helpful automatic behaviours and beliefs. • Gremlins are destructive and unhelpful automatic behaviours and beliefs that are removable. • Goblins are destructive and unhelpful automatic behaviours and beliefs that are firmly fixed. • The Stone of Life contains your Truths of Life, Values and Life Force. • The Mindset you hold is based on your perception

of how things are and therefore influences your approach to life.

Making the Stone of Life visible Consider your Stone of Life and take time to very clearly work out what is written on it. Make sure that you have specific Truths and Values that you are working with. Write down your Life Force statement. When you have done this, draw up the Stone of Life onto a poster and put it somewhere prominent to remind you of what you believe and want to live your life by.

Chapter 5 The Guiding Moon (PART 2) How to manage your Computer MANAGING YOUR COMPUTER is mainly about establishing constructive thoughts and behaviours. We will look at managing the Computer by working through these four themes: • Identifying and replacing Gremlins with Autopilots • Stopping any more Gremlins from going into the Computer • Perfecting the Stone of Life • Establishing your Mindset and living by it