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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
David Deida
Read between
January 17 - January 25, 2018
One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman’s emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax.
standing your ground and loving so strongly that only love prevails.
The game of life is to find each situation workable, to transform each occasion through the magnification of love, to give your fullest gift in every moment, and to have no attachments to the outcome, knowing it’s all going to rise and fall and rise again.
Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions
Your woman asks you for input, and you say, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.” This is the statement of a friend, not a lover.
As lovers, you and your woman are more than just friends. You are playing the full dynamic of masculine and feminine polarity. Wouldn’t you like your woman to be a goddess and offer you her feminine gifts? To evoke them, you must offer her your masculine gifts.
One of your most valuable gifts is the ability to see all the options and make a decision based on this view...
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she is also the recipient of your masculine gift of decisiveness.
if you don’t contribute to her masculine decision making process, the two of you will become depolarized by each other’s energy. She’ll be in the masculine, you’ll be neutral, and there will be nobody in the feminine pole
The attractive juiciness of polarity will be replaced by two buddies discussing options.
If you refuse to offer your masculine gift by saying things like, “I don’t really care. It’s up to you,” then she will have to learn to depend on her own masculine capacity. Another way to say this is that she will begin to trust her own masculine more than yours.
As a practice, always help your woman make decisions by giving her your perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love her regardless of the decision she makes.
Amazing and actionable insight here
Your Attraction to the Feminine Is Inevitable
Masculine men are attracted to forms of feminine energy: radiant women, beer, music, nature, etc. If a man tries to hide his attraction, it reveals some degree of shame with respect to his own sexual core.
There are two ways to deal with your daily “ahhh” of attraction to the feminine: wisely and foolishly.
The nature of nature is polarity,
Your attraction to women, all kinds of women, is natural, normal, and beautiful.
From beginning to end, your attraction to women can be seen as the essential gesture of your heart, your desire for love and unity.
Sexual attraction, however, is very different from having sex.
Intimacy is a choice between people who want to commit to loving and serving one another. Whereas the zing of attraction is a choiceless natural flow of energy between your masculine core and feminine energy,
Through lack of understanding, you might have depolarized yourself and your partner into a relationship that seems neutral, but actually isn’t.
you have a masculine sexual essence and your woman has a feminine one. That is, her feminine way frustrates you, drives you crazy, inspires you, or turns you on, more often than she is simply your sexually neutral buddy.
The false neutralization, or depolarization, of relationships is one of the main reasons that couples break up.
The secret is not to try to change your woman’s irritating feminine ways, but to help cultivate the depth and rejuvenative power of her feminine blessings.
You will only be happy in intimacy if you choose a woman who is your sexual reciprocal as a partner. And you will only be able to survive such an intimacy if her dark and light sides are equally embraceable to you. It takes time to develop such skill and strength, but in doing so you learn to provide your woman, as well as the world, with a man whose gifts are uncompromised by fear of feminine power and chaos.
The more you seek a woman who gives you everything, the less you get of anything.
You can share many aspects of intimacy—business, friendship, parenting, and sexual passion—only if you choose a single priority to the relationship and allow all the other activities to align themselves around your main purpose for being together. If you aren’t clear about what’s important, though, each aspect will conflict with the others. She will want affection when you want to get business done. She will want to talk about her day when you want to have sex. You will both end up compromising your true desires, and your relationship will be reduced to a functional but mediocre partnership.
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If you want your woman to be your spiritual and sexual consort, not just your housemate, you must skillfully maintain your household and livelihoods so that the potency of your union is not diminished.
When these two aspects of your loving—spiritual awakening and sexual transmission—become diminished by your daily duties, you will both begin to seek elsewhere for daily refreshment and fulfillment.
You Will Often Want More Than One Woman Any man with a masculine sexual essence will desire sexual variety. Even if he loves his intimate partner and is completely committed to her, he will naturally want sexual occasions with other women besides his chosen intimate partner. How a man deals with his desire for other women is up to him. He should know, however, that there is no way to avoid such desires. He should also know that acting on such desires, though temporarily enlivening and exhilarating, often ends up complicating his life far more than the occasion itself is worth.
Your desire for other women is not a reflection of any lack in your intimacy, it is a reflection of your nature as a masculine sexual being.
self-discipline is not self-suppression.
Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.
How many women you have sex with is your business. Before you consider more than one, however, it is best to prove your capacity with one. If you can’t handle one—if deep communion, rejuvenating passion, and spiritual happiness are not the main features of your present intimacy—then you have not passed the test, and it is best to discipline your desire for other partners, since nobody is likely to be served.
In general, youth in a woman bespeaks radiant, unobstructed, and refreshing feminine energy. A young woman tends to be less compromised by masculine layers of functional protection built up over years of need. Traditionally, young women were understood to offer a man a particularly rejuvenative quality of energy. Older women may maintain, or even increase, the freshness and radiance of their energy, but it is rare.
Their feminine energy declines due to societypushing masculine roles and energy on them per this chapter
As a man, it is your responsibility to honor the heart-rejuvenative gift of a young woman, without violating this honor by imposing your sexual desire on her.
If sexual desire arises, fine. Circulate it through your body. Learn to conduct the magnification of desire without needing to throw it off in a spasm of release. A major part of mastering sexuality is learning to sustain greater and greater degrees of pleasure and desire in the body, without needing to rid yourself of the force because you can’t handle it.
Maintain a respectful formality so that she is free and empowered to give her gift, without being complicated by your personal agenda.
only persistent commitment to the practice of love can take you through your fears, through your sense of separateness, and bring you to the absolute ease of being that is your deepest truth. Remember your priority, and decide what you need to do.
Choose a Woman Who Chooses You If a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn’t want him. If she doesn’t want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself.
once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core.
The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose, or direction in life. The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy.
What She Wants Is Not What She Says Sometimes a woman will make a request of her man in plain English, not to get him to do something, but to see if he is so weak that he will do it. In other words, she is testing his capacity to do what is right, not what she is asking for. In such cases, if the man does what his woman asks, she will be disappointed and angry. The man will have no idea why she is so angry or what could possibly please her. He must remember that her trust is engendered not by him fulfilling her requests, but by him magnifying love, consciousness, and success in their lives, in
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Your woman probably tests you in this way all the time. Her ultimate desire is to feel your full consciousness, your trustable integrity, your unshakable love, and your confidence in your mission. Yet she will rarely ask you directly for these things. She would rather try to distract you from your truth, and then feel that she cannot—that you hold fast to your truth while you continue to love her.
If you are a weak man, this feminine trait of wanting one thing and asking for another will piss you off. You will wonder, “Why don’t you just tell me what you really want, instead of saying one thing and meaning another, expecting me to figure it out?” This is the view of a man who does not understand that women are an incarnation of the divine feminine. And the divine feminine settles for nothing less than the divine masculine.
Important passage
Know that your woman is always pleased most by your strength in love, freedom, and consciousness.
Always act to maintain your fullest consciousness. Always apply your sword of discrimination to your woman’s requests, never taking them at face value, but always checking with your deepest wisdom and following the road of your highest truth, even if it seems to mean disappointing your woman. She won’t be disappointed if she feels you are strong and clear in the true direction of your heart.
if she is disappointed by your deepest truth, you shouldn’t be with her.
Her Complaint Is Content-Free Women are always wanting divine masculine presence in a man, regardless of their specific complaint or mood. A man should hear his woman’s complaints like warning bells, and then do his best to align his life with his truth and purpose. However, if he believes in the literal content of her complaint, he will immediately go off course, for the content reflects her present mood more than a careful observation of his tendencies over time. Her complaint should be valued as a reminder to “get it together,” and perhaps as an indication as to how. But more often than
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The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. It is a mistake to believe the content of what she is saying, and then respond to her complaints, point by point.
