Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“It won’t fix anything,” she strangled out, burying her face in the back of my hoodie. “You think it’s the answer to all your problems, and maybe it is, to yours.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “But what about the people you leave behind? You think they’ll be able to accept it?” I could feel her shaking her head. “They’ll never accept it, Joey. It will haunt them forever. It haunts me forever.” “I’m not your sister.” “You know this is the same bridge, right?” she sobbed, holding onto my body for dear life. “The same fucking spot, Joey!” No. I didn’t know that. “Nobody was there to stop her,” she continued, crying hard and ugly. “Nobody was there to stop my sister, but I’m here now. I’m here to stop my best friend’s brother from following my sister!”

“Your sister and brothers love you,” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “They love you so fucking much it’s palpable. And your girlfriend? Aoife? Holy shit, lad, I have never seen someone look so in love with another human being in my life.”

“So, what’s it going to be, Joey Lynch? Are we dying tonight, or are we living?” “You’re living,” I begrudgingly conceded, allowing her to pull me back over the railing and onto solid ground. “I’m being emotionally blackmailed.”

I love you so fucking much I don’t even know how to put it into words. But I just… I need to set you free. Yours always, Joey x PS: On the other side of this letter is a full confession of the shit that went down at home in my words, dated and signed. I want you to give it to John Kavanagh. It will help him in court when he goes for custody of my siblings. Tell them I was sorry. Tell them I loved them. Tell my son that I loved him. Tell yourself that I loved you most. I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy. xx

With my heart gunning in my chest, I sprang into action, my body automatically shifting into fight mode as I ran toward the flames.

“Shannon!” I roared, voice rising with my panic as I pulled my sleeve over my hand and persevered, needing to get inside that house more than I needed air. “Tadhg!”

“Oh fuck—” Everything inside of my stomach came rushing back up when I watched a fireman place my mother on a gurney. Her face. Her hair. Her burned and blistered hand. Heaving, I watched in horror as they started to cut her clothes. “Mam!” I cried out, feeling my tears dampen my cheeks. “Save her!”

“We have another one.” “Adult male.” “In the sitting room.” “He appears to have been trying to escape through the window.”

FUCK YOU TEDDY LYNCH

“Kav!” Breaking away from the asshole trying to hold me down, I moved for Shannon’s boyfriend. “You have to help me get them out!” Feeling frantic, I rushed at him, knowing that if anyone in this world would want to save my sister, it would be this guy. “I walked out. I got pissed and left. But I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t leave them, so I came back, but the house was… My mother!” The image of my mother caused my stomach to heave, and I choked out a sob. “Fuck! Shannon. Tadhg… Nobody’s listening to me—” “I have them, Joey.”

He had them? My kids? He had them?

Sobbing

“I should have been here,” I heard myself say—to who, I wasn’t sure. But I said it. “It’s my job to keep them safe.” “They are safe.” Someone was holding me. There was an arm around my shoulder and a big hand covering mine. “And so are you.” Was it God? Was it the Devil? Where the fuck was I? “No,” I mumbled drowsily as I felt the last strand of my sanity snap. “It was my job to keep her safe.”

“No,” I mumbled, body stiffening as her face broke through the darkness. The only face I’d been able to see since I was twelve. Blond hair. Green eyes. Smiling. Loving. Warmth. Light. That face. Her face. Queen.

Whoever was sitting to my left reached over and wrapped their arm around my shoulder, and that’s when I knew I was broken. Because I didn’t flinch. Because it didn’t hurt. Because I didn’t care.

“Promise me something,” I mumbled. “Anything, Joey love.” “I’m so proud of you, Joe.” Scrawling my name across the page, I released the pen and dropped my head in my hands, feeling like I didn’t have an ounce of life left inside of me. “Promise me you’ll keep her safe from me.” “Who, Joey love?” “Molloy.”

“You’re only eighteen,” he bit back, tears filling his eyes. “I don’t want this life for you.” “He’s only eighteen,” I shot back, trembling. “And he is my life, Dad. He’s my life and I’m his. We’re a family.”

“Oh, Seany-boo.” Scooping him up in my arms, I broke down there and then, as a wave of relief washed through me at the sight of his little curly head. “You have no idea how good it is to see you, baby boy.”

“Shannon has Johnny, and you have Alex,” Edel explained calmly, reaching out a hand to stroke my back reassuringly. “Joey has Aoife.” “She’s not good for him right now.” “I’ll show you something not good for you if you don’t shut up,” a little old lady ordered from her perch on an armchair by the fire. “The cheek of ya, laying down the law in this kind woman’s house.” “But Nanny—”

“You’ll have a fine son,” she cut me off by saying, as a strange wave of warmth flushed through me. “Strong like his mother.” I could feel the tremor of old age running through her when she placed her hand on my stomach. “Loving like his father.”

“You should take her to him and watch her work her magic,” Nanny said then, turning to Edel. “Return my grandson’s heart to him, and he’ll start living again.”

“I see you, Joey Lynch,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his cracked and peeling lips. “You can’t hide from me.” His hand moved then, settling on the swell of my stomach, and I swear I could have cried in relief. “That’s it,” I coaxed, gently lifting his head onto my lap. “Come back to me, baby.” Instinctively, he rested his cheek against my belly button, against the part of my body that separated him from his baby. “It’s okay,” I whispered, cradling him when he shook and trembled and clawed at any part of me that he could catch ahold of. “You can’t scare me away,”

“Yeah, baby, your mam didn’t make it.” He didn’t react. He didn’t stiffen or flinch or scream or cry. Instead, he closed his eyes, settled his head back on my lap, and whispered, “I thought it was a nightmare.”

“I didn’t want to leave you,” he admitted and then a heart-wrenching sob tore from his chest. “I only wanted to protect you.” “That’s my job, remember?” I joked through my tears. “I’m the one saving 6.”

“Nobody who knows the real you could ever hate you,” I whispered, wiping a tear from his cheek. “If you could only understand how much you mean to those children, how much they adore you, appreciate you. If you could only see yourself through their eyes…” I exhaled shakily. “You are so important to so many people.”

“Ham sandwiches and cans of Coke,” I reeled off, setting the plate and glass in the sink. “That’s the way to his heart.”

“Any other advice, Aoife, love?” she asked with a weary sigh. “Yeah, don’t give up on him,” I told her, forcing my lip to stop wobbling as I spun around to face her. “I know he’s difficult and can be a right pain in the hole at times, but you need to not quit on him, Edel. No matter what. If you quit one time, one single time, then that’s it.” Leaning against the sink at my back, I snapped my fingers for emphasis. “He’ll be done. That flicker of hope? That tiny semblance of a bridge he’s offering you and John into his world? He’ll burn it to the ground the minute you let him down, and you’ll never get back in.”

“Because that’s what Ollie, Shan, Tadhg, and Sean are,” I forced myself to continue. “They’re his babies, and something about you and your husband resonated with him. You don’t realize how momentous that is. He planned on killing himself, and the saddest part about it is that he’s been fighting his whole life. He’s tired. He’s so damn weary, and I know that despite everything he would never contemplate leaving those kids unless he had a plan for them. He did have a plan for them. He finally found a home for his babies with people he feels he can trust. If you knew Joe like I do, then you’d know that he doesn’t trust. He’s been through too much, so the fact that he wrote all of this down and was prepared to go against his mother and brother to get his siblings to safety? Well, that’s one hell of a compliment to you and John.”

You need to understand that these kids are cubs. He’s a glorified mama bear.

“I am all in with these children,” she vowed, voice thick with emotion. “I am all in with him.” “I hope so,” I replied, tone mirroring hers. “Because he’s going to get better, I can promise you that, and then your family is going to meet the real Joey. And I promise, you guys are going to fall head over heels in love with him.” She smiled softly. “We already are, love, we already are.”

Entirely alone in his thoughts, in his pain, my boyfriend remained rigid at the graveside. Long after his mother was lowered into the ground and the other Lynch children had dispersed, Joey continued to stand vigil, still trying to protect her, even in death.

Yeah, I knew all about the old piseog, another old wives’ tale. Stare at the face of death, never feel your baby’s breath. Thing was, I was more in love than I was superstitious.

Inhaling deeply, I noted the clean scent of him. Lynx, fresh air, and nothing else. No alcohol or smoke. God, he must be in so much pain right now… “Jesus.” His lips moved to my hair, and like the habit of a lifetime, my trembling hands moved to hook the waistband of his trousers. “You don’t wait, do you hear me?”

“I don’t take orders from you,” I breathed, lips moving against his. “You should know that by now.” “Because you’re crazy stupid.” His lips, all swollen and busted up, brushed against mine as he spoke. “You’re wasting your life on me. You know this. Everyone keeps telling you, but you won’t listen—” “Because it’s my life to waste,” I snapped, reaching up to grab the lapels of his suit jacket. Keeping my eyes clenched shut to keep the tears at bay and trying for humor, I added, “Now, you get your sexy ass better and come home to me. Because I’m going to need you healthy, okay?” That was the truth. I needed him healthy. Hell, I just needed him, period.

“You should have told me to fuck off,” he whispered, leaning in close. “All those years back when we were in first year.” His lips brushed mine once, twice. “I’ve loved you since then.” Another kiss. “From the first time I laid eyes on you, sitting on the wall with your blond hair blowing around your face.” His tongue snaked out, teasing mine. “I just didn’t know it then.”

“I love you, queen. Always have and always will.” He continued to break me down by whispering, “There was only ever you for me. Stone-cold sober or off my trolly, my head knows that.” Taking my hand in his, he pressed it to his chest before adding, “My heart knows that, too.”

Aoife: I felt the baby kick for the first time today.

By the age of twelve, she was gone. By the age of twelve, so was I.

“Aoife.” He sighed heavily. “This is your leaving cert. You can’t go into the exams tomorrow and doodle all over your English paper.” “But my doodles are cute,” I replied, adding a little smiley face to my latest creation.

“Joseph.” A heavy sigh escaped her parted lips. “Part of your treatment plan is participating in therapy.” “I’m here, aren’t I?” came my sharp reply, knowing what I had regrettably signed up for.

“I’m the one who got expelled from school before I could do my leaving cert. I’m the one with fuck-all in the line of qualifications. He didn’t do that to me. I did that to me.” Blowing out a ragged breath, I hissed, “And I’m the one who’s taken the only person who’s ever genuinely loved me down with me. Yeah, Aoife’s pregnant, and not only does she have to deal with that alone, while I’m holed up here like the pathetic fuckup I am, but she also has to do it with the label that comes with having my baby.”

“Your child deserves a father, and you of all people know how influential that role can be in a child’s life.” You’re just like me, boy. You’ll do more harm than good. “He’s in your head again, isn’t he?” the doctor noted. “Your father?” Fuck, she was intuitive.

But she was my mother, and she died thinking I hated her. That would never sit well with me, and nothing these doctors could say would repair that hole in me.

Trusting wasn’t something that came easily to me, not even when it came to writing in a fucking journal. Hating, on the other hand, did. I excelled at hating the world. Not just the world, but everyone in it. Except for her. Yeah, she was my only exception.

“See?” I let my finger trail over the photograph. “That’s your daddy holding the winner’s cup in third year. He was the captain of the school hurling team that year, and he was the best on the pitch. And that’s Uncle Podge standing beside him, and right in the back with his shirt over his head is Uncle Al. He’s a little unstable, but we love him anyway.” My gaze flicked to Paul who was also in the team photo, and I grimaced. “And that guy right there is Mammy’s first boyfriend. Daddy likes to call him Paul the prick.”

“Because I don’t remember her hugging me.” “That’s a heartbreaking statement to make, Joey,” she surmised, scribbling away on her clipboard. “She was good to Shannon,” I offered, feeling that familiar urge to defend her, even from beyond the grave. “The boys, too.” “But not you.”

“Ah, yes,” she mused, flicking through her notes. “Paul the prick, if I recall correctly.” I snorted. “Yeah.”

“If your sister came to you with the same scenario, some random boy from her class at school had taken her virginity in the same way yours was taken, how would you react?” I stiffened. “Don’t.” “How would you feel about that, Joey?” “Murderous.” “Because?” “Because it wouldn’t be right, dammit!” “But it’s okay that it happened to you because you’re a male?” I opened my mouth to answer her, but nothing came out. Fuck.

“Put the gun down, Joey,” she replied with a sad smile. “The fight’s over.” “Yeah, well, I’ve been fighting for so long, I don’t know how to take my finger off the trigger,” I muttered, cracking my knuckles.

“Your sister is going to be seventeen on her next birthday. That hardly makes her a baby, Joey.” “She’s still a baby to me,” I argued.

“On the contrary, he taught me a valuable lesson,” I replied coolly. “Which was?” “Everyone leaves, and nobody fucks you over like your own blood.”

It might not have been physical, but you were dead on the money when you said that I was having an emotional affair with him.” “But a lot of that had to do with the fact that he gave you everything I didn’t. I gave you presents. He gave you his presence,” he said calmly. “I didn’t understand it at the time, why you were so insistent about being his friend. I thought having a girlfriend was all about material shit, but then I would see you hanging out with him, and he had nothing to offer you and still managed to give you everything you wanted.”