Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“I’m at risk,” she hissed, “because I was the fucking eejit who laid on her back for an intravenous drug user who can’t remember his own bloody name half the time! A little fucking humiliating, don’t you think, Joe?” she demanded, tears filling her eyes. “To be that girl.” She narrowed her eyes. “To be the girlfriend of that guy.”

“I can’t sleep,” he confessed, rolling onto his side to face me. “And I’m so f-fucking tired, queen.” “Why not?” “Because when I close my eyes, he’s w-waiting for me.” “Who, Joe?” I squeezed out, reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek. “Who’s waiting for you?” “My father.”

“He’s coming for a-all of us. We’re going to die in that house, Molloy.”

“I love you.” Panicking when she didn’t respond, I reached for her again. “Aoife—did ya hear me?” “Yeah, and you love that shit you inject into your veins more.”

“I know he loves us,” I whispered, my gaze flicking to my lap as a tear threatened to spill. “But he just loves that poison he injects in his veins more.”

Repressing a shiver, I swung around to see Joey crossing the road toward me, still clad in his work overalls, with the sleeves tied around his waist, and the white T-shirt he had on underneath smeared in engine oil. He had a baseball cap slung on backwards and his lunch box dangling between his hands.

Sexy

I loved her, and no number of drugs could change that. Neither could the depression that was eating me from the inside out. Because it had to be depression, right? Wanting to die wasn’t something an eighteen-year-old fantasized about.

“You’re not ’posed to curse,” Ollie scolded as he worked on unfastening both his and Sean’s seatbelts. “It’s not good manners.” Tadhg rolled his eyes. “Hey, Ollie, I don’t give a flying fu—” “Okay,” I interjected before Tadhg schooled the minors on the more colorful side of the English language.

“Just go away, Teddy,” she slurred, clutching her pillow as sob after gut-wrenching sob escaped her. “I’m tired.” “It’s Joey,” he choked out. “Christ, what have you taken?”

Without a word, he reached for the hem of my hoodie and pulled it up to reveal my bump. “I love ya.” He pressed a lingering kiss to my belly. “Both of ye.”

“Shan?” I demanded, putting the phone to my ear. “What’s going on?” “Joey,” she cried down the line. I could hardly make out her voice from the sheer volume of crying. Instantly, my back was up and the blood in my veins had turned to lava. “I n-need you to come g-get me.”

“What happened to Shannon in the kitchen that day—” “I couldn’t stop it,” he filled in for me. “But I can stop this, Molloy, and I will.”

“It’s okay.” He inspected every inch of her like she was of the greatest importance to him, and I watched as the big lad was overcome with emotion. “Shh, baby, shh.” Seeing her hurt affected him. No, it was more than that. It crushed him. “Just calm down.”

“Whatever, lad. I tried to warn you all, but oh no, nobody listens to the beautiful one.” His tone was laced with a heavy dollop of sarcastic outrage. “I’m just a pretty face to you assholes. Some eye candy for the ladies. Well, I know things, too, you know. It’s not all about books. I’m an excellent judge of character.”

“Get off him, you dirty little scumbag,” Bella screamed, and then she did the unspeakable; she put her hands on my man. Oh hell to the no.

“Who the hell are you?” Bella demanded, casting a menacing glare in my direction. Oh, you poor, sweet summer child. “Oh, I’m your worst nightmare, bitch,” I snarled,

Unapologetic for my actions, I took my punishment on the chin, unwilling to show emotion or feel bad for defending my sister. Because fuck those pricks at Tommen. Fuck the whole damn world.

Maybe the judge will decide to remand me, and I’ll be transferred to Cork Prison. At least then, Molloy and the baby will be safe from me.

“You need to look after that baby.” “And who’s going to look after Joey

“Why did you hit the Ryan boy?” I shrugged. “He had it coming.” “Try again.” I met his unyielding stare, before blowing out a breath and mumbling, “You clearly already know why.” “Indulge me.” “Because if I didn’t, your son would have, and he has a hell of a lot more to lose than I have,” I came right out and told him. “Is that indulging enough for ya?”

“You protected my son’s future, and now I’m here to protect yours,” he finally said, folding his arms across his chest. “Sounds like a fair trade if you ask me.”

“Well,” he continued, “my wife and I have been doing a lot of talking lately, and we wanted to speak to you about the possibility of—” “We want to keep you!” his wife blurted out, causing John to drop his head in his hands and groan. “All five of you,” she continued, hurrying over to the island and catching ahold of my hand. “Especially you.” She smiled down at me. “I think I want you the most.”

“Listen.” I held a hand up to warn her off. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” Keeping my back to the kitchen cupboards, I stepped sideways in my bid to escape the second coming of Mother Teresa.

“You don’t want me in your family. Trust me. But Shannon and the boys?” I shrugged again, filled with desperation. The prospect of getting my siblings out of the shitstorm of a life we’d been born into was dangling in front of me like a gold nugget. God knows I didn’t know these people, and I wasn’t even sure if I trusted them, but right then, in the state we were in, they could offer the kids a hell of a lot more than Mam could. “They deserve a better life than the one they’ve been dealt.” Swallowing roughly, I forced myself to say, “They deserve to have parents

“Except that I’m not,” I croaked out. “I’m not their father, and I’m fucking tired of having to be.” There it was. Admitted out loud. For what I thought might be the first time ever. “I can’t do it anymore,” I continued to spill my confessions, too weary and broken in the head to cover it up. “I can’t keep raising them in that environment. If someone doesn’t get them out of that house, they’re going to die or, worse, turn into me.”

“If you even think about putting your hands on my siblings, it won’t matter how much money you have, or what fancy law degrees line the walls of your office. I will come for you, and Jesus Christ himself won’t be able to save you.”

“I don’t want to be mothered, and I don’t need a father figure. I’m too old for that shit.” “You’re never too old to be loved, Joey.” “My childhood ended a long time ago.” “It doesn’t have to be like that.” “It’s too late for me.” “It’s never too late, Joey.”

“It clearly doesn’t,” I bit out, hating that she hit the nail on the head. “I’ll fix it.” “Look at you,” she said, with tears filling her eyes. “Look at how articulate you are. How smart. How brave.” She smiled sadly. “You know that this is too big for you, love.”

“Yeah, and I got you good,” I said instead, feeling like a piece of shit for clocking him earlier. “Sorry about that,” I offered with a shrug. “Poor communication skills.” Understatement of the century.

knowing that a fella with parents like his could never in a million years understand my situation. He could try. He could sympathize. He could listen to all of my sister’s tales of woe. But he could never truly get it. No one could. Not unless they lived through it.

“I figured I’d find ya sniffing around her neck of the woods.” The familiar sound of his voice had every muscle in my body locking tight in fearful anticipation. “Relax, boy, I only want to talk to ya.”

Fuck

“You’re already me,” he roared heatedly. “You’ve always been me, boy. Look at ya,” he pushed, closing the space between us and clamping a beefy hand on my shoulder. “You can’t leave her alone any more than I can leave your mother. Isn’t that proof enough for ya?” My blood ran cold. His words rocked me to my core. Because he was voicing my deepest fears aloud. Worse, he was voicing the truth. Because it was true. I couldn’t leave Molloy alone.

“I’m not you,” I ground out. “I refuse to be you.” “You can’t stop it, Joey,” he replied, using my name for impact. It worked. It rattled me. “You can’t fight your nature, boy.” He took another slug of whiskey. “Only way you’re changing the ending of your story is if you walk away from that girl and her kid, and we both know you’ll never do it.” He shook his head in defeat before adding, “God knows I couldn’t.”

Would I have a son who hated me as much as I hated my old man?

Dejected and thoroughly demoralized, and with my father’s words still fresh on my mind, I returned to the only place I felt some semblance of control over my life. “Word on the street is the shades lifted your ass from that prissy private school today,” Shane said when I walked into the sitting room of his shithole house and slumped down on the couch.

UGHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO

“It’s okay, Shan. It’s all good,” I tried to soothe, because I had a love in my heart for this little girl that no volume of drugs or depths of depression could kill.

“For fuck’s sake, Joey,” he boomed, coming to the same conclusion as Shannon before roughly shoving me out of his sight. “What the hell is the matter with you?” Everything. I felt like laughing. Fucking everything, asshole. “What’s wrong?” That was Mam. Again, I felt like laughing manically. Like she gave a fuck.

“I’m not back on drugs.” “Yeah, because you were never off them to begin with, were you?” Fuck you, golden boy. “You’re all overreacting.” “You’re high.” Darren narrowed his eyes. “Again.” Whoop-de-fucking-doo. “And you’re an asshole,” I shot back. “Again.”

“No, I won’t get off your back,” the golden boy himself interjected. “You’re back on drugs, you’ve been expelled from school, you’re off the hurling team, and you’re—” He stopped just short of saying about to become a father. I knew that was on the tip of his tongue. “You are ruining your life!” “I don’t have a life!” I roared, losing my ever-loving shit with him. “I’ve never had a life!” “Well, life or not, if you keep this up, you’re going to turn into him. You’re going to end up becoming the one thing you hate most in the world.” “Shut up, Darren!” Shannon was quick to defend,

“You know, I sat in that cell for hours, thinking how did this happen to me. How did I end up the way I am. All fucked up in the head. But then I called you.” My voice cracked and I forced myself to point at her. “I called you to come help me and you didn’t pick up. And then I knew.” Sniffling, I threw my hands up, feeling helpless and alone. “I said to myself, That’s why. That’s how I turned out like this.” Narrowing my eyes at the woman who gave me life, I spat out, “Because you broke me!”

And yeah, her slap hurt, but not nearly as much as the truth I’d given her.

“I can’t stay here anymore.” Knowing that it would kill me to look at her, I kept my head down as I packed. “I’m sorry.” You’re going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it. “But I’m going to explode if I stay in this house.” “You mean for the night? You’ll go to Aoife’s and come back tomorrow, right?” No. I wasn’t going to Aoife’s. I wasn’t coming back, either.

“Joey, please,” she sobbed, clinging to me just the same as always. “What about me?” What about her? What about Tadhg? What about Ollie? What about Sean? What about Darren? “What about me?” I broke down and cried. “What about me, Shannon? What about me

I cried in K13 and im crying again in R6

“I need you to take care of yourself, okay? I need you to do that for me.” Trembling, I leaned in close and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Don’t depend on her, or Darren, or anyone else, because in the end, the world will let you down. They will all let you down.” Anyone with the Lynch last name, at least. “And you?” my baby sister asked, looking up at me like I could somehow fix her world when I couldn’t even fix my own. “Does that include you?” “Especially me,” I forced myself to tell her, though it almost killed me to say it. And then I did the best thing I could do for her. For all of them. I walked away.

Sean’s voice almost broke me, and I sucked in a shuddering breath, too afraid to turn around and look at the baby I’d given up so much of my life to raise. “I’m so sorry.” I could only hope in time that he would forgive me. That he would be able to understand why I had to do it. Why I had to go. The Kavanaghs would give him a good home.

“I can’t.” I would not turn her into the woman in my kitchen. I loved her too much to allow that to happen. My father didn’t do the right thing for the mother of his children, but I would do it for mine. “I’m so sorry.”

“Just go home, and don’t come back here,” I called over my shoulder, blinking the tears from my eyes, as I forced myself to walk away from her. It’ll all be over soon. “Do yourself a favor and forget about me!”

For most of my life, I felt like I was running out of time. Now, as I sat on the metal railing of the footbridge that separated Molloy’s estate from mine, with the end in sight, it suddenly felt like I had all the time in the world.

All I had to do was let go. Just close my eyes and let myself fall. Eerily at peace with my decision, I tossed my bag into the water and watched as the river swallowed it under and washed it away. That could be me. I could just disappear. I will disappear. It’s the best thing for everyone. Especially her.

“Please,” she whispered as she slowly closed the space between us. “Please.” Trembling, she reached out and gently covered my hand with hers. “Don’t go over the edge.” The wind blew her hair around her face, but she never faltered when she stepped closer and circled my wrist tightly with her hand. “It’s not the way out.”