Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

The fact that it was genuine concern for my sister that evoked his threatening behavior had me keeping my head in a way that was unheard of for me. Still, something deep inside of me instructed me to do it. He wasn’t the enemy. Not today, at least. “You’ll need to talk to Shannon,” I finally said. “I can’t give you the answers you want.” “Yes, you can,” Kav shot back, imploring me with his eyes to speak up. “Just open your mouth and talk!” “No.” I shook my head. “I can’t and I won’t. If she trusts you enough, she’ll tell you. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. Either way, it’s not my call.” “Not your call?” He looked incensed at that. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” “Exactly what it sounds like,” I bit out. “It means that it’s not my call. But I can assure you that I have never put my hands on my sister. Or any woman, for that matter.” “I want to know what’s going on here, Lynch. If she’s being bullied or some shit like that, then I can help. I can fix this if you just tell me.” “You can fix this?” “For her?” He nodded vehemently. “Absolutely.” “You like her.” I tilted my head to one side, studying him. “Maybe even more than like her.” He didn’t deny it. Good. Another tick for him. “I want to know what’s happened,” he tried to reason. “I need to.”

“Listen, I’d love to tell you,” I replied. “I’d have no goddamn problem laying it all out there for you. I have nothing to hide.” As I spoke the words, I realized that they were my truth. Because something had happened inside of me, something fucking strange, and I was growing weary of lying. Of covering up. Of constantly watching my back and the backs of my siblings. It was no life to live, and I didn’t want it anymore. I never had. “But she won’t want me to do that,” I tried to explain to him. “Shannon would die if she thought anyone knew her business. After all the shit that went down for her at BCS, she wants that clean slate at Tommen—and I want that for her, too.” “So, she is being bullied,” Kav choked out, missing the mark entirely and looking physically sick at the thought. “Someone at Tommen.” He shook his head, looking lost. “Or at her old school.” I sighed heavily. “Listen, Kavanagh, if you want to know what goes on in that head of hers, then be worth it.” “Be worth it?” He glared at me. “Be worth what?” He knew exactly what I meant. If he wanted in, like he so desperately seemed to, then he needed to earn that entry pass from Shannon. I couldn’t give it to him. Even though a weird part of me strongly wanted to. Because even though I’d long given up on protecting myself and had spent years failing to protect my siblings, I was starting to come to terms with the possibility that I wasn’t doing the right thing for them. That keeping quiet wasn’t the right thing.

“You’re a smart guy,” was all I replied. “You’ll figure it out.” Kav shook his head again. “I don’t—” My phone rang out loudly in my pocket, stalling him, and I quickly pulled it out, only for my heart to fall into my ass when I saw the name flashing across the screen. Dad. Fury enveloped me and I held a hand up to warn Kavanagh to keep his goddamn mouth shut as I pressed the answer button and put the phone to my ear.

Darren, being the diligent and conscientious son and having endured the suffering, had been spared the warning. So had Shannon and the small boys. Not me, though. Not the black sheep of the family. The liability. The fuckup. I lost my childhood that day.

Yeah, I didn’t want them to have another child, but that didn’t mean that I wanted my mother to lose her baby. I didn’t want my baby brother to die. I would never want that. But I couldn’t stop myself from hissing the words, “It’s a goddamn relief, is what it is,” down the line—and I meant it, but not for the reasons he thought. The baby would be spared the pain of ever being carried through the threshold of hell that was our home. The baby would never feel the sting of our father’s slap or the pain of our mother’s lack of emotion. There would be one less sibling to protect, to worry about, to feed, to nurture, and I would be a liar if I pretended otherwise.

Numb, I hung up and slid my phone back in my pocket and looked at Kavanagh. “I need to take off.” “Take off?” he demanded. “Where?” “I have somewhere I need to be,” I mumbled, completely fucking reeling. “Hold the fuck up,” he warned, blocking the doorway. “Your sister is upstairs in my shower.” “Yeah.” I shook my head and blew out a pained breath. “I’m going to need you to hold on to her for me.” “Hold on to her?” He looked at me like I’d just lost my mind. “You just want me to hold on to your sister?” “That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” “You’re not saying anything,” Kav hissed, furious. “That’s the problem. You’re not telling me shit!” “I did tell you,” I snarled, losing my cool now. I didn’t have time for this shit. “I told you to ask Shannon!” “So, you’re what?” His eyes bulged in his head. “You just going to leave her here?” It sure beat the alternative. “For how long?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” “Yeah, I don’t fucking know,” I snapped, just about done with his bullshit. “Is that a problem?” “It’s not a problem that she’s here,” Kav was quick to state. “It’s a problem that you’re leaving her here, and I have no goddamn idea of what to tell her.” “Fine,” I lost my cool and spat out. “Tell my sister that our father called. Tell her that our mother had a miscarriage on Friday night, and he’s on the way home from the hospital with her now.” Kav had the good grace to flinch. “Shite.” “You have no fucking idea,” I seethed, shoving past him and stalking down the hallway ...

Grinning wolfishly, Tadhg hopped down from the table and sauntered over to the stereo to switch up discs. After spending a few minutes flicking through tracks, he settled on Bowling for Soup’s “Girl All the Bad Guys Want.” He gave me a cheeky wink and said, “This one’s for you, blondie.” Well, shit. I choked out a laugh. Little Alpha had moves.

“I need time,” I finally whispered. “Some space to clear my head.” “I’m so fucking sorry.” “I know you are, Joe,” I croaked out, feeling devastated. “I know, okay? I just…” Sniffling, I shrugged helplessly. “I need to not be near you right now, okay?” “Aoife.” “Because every time I look at you, all I can see is—” “Him,” he deadpanned, immediately releasing his hold on me. “Got it.” Nodding stiffly, he backed up to the gate, looking more crushed and broken than I’d ever seen him. “I hear ya, Molloy.”

I thought the worst image I could see today was that of my mother cradling her premature, underdeveloped baby, followed closely by the screaming and keening and begging that had incurred when it was time to leave him behind at the hospital. It had taken me hours to get her to leave him. I thought that was the worst of it. The worst that could possibly happen. I was wrong. Walking into the kitchen tonight and seeing my father with his hands on my girlfriend—with her bent over the table like a fucking dog, with her underwear around her ankles and his jeans undone—was worse. So much fucking worse. Trembling violently in the passenger seat of the car, Molloy had refused point-blank to look at me as she wrapped her arms around herself, knees bopping restlessly. “Get me the fuck away from these people, Joey.” It didn’t take a genius to decipher that she included me in that sentiment. She couldn’t bear to look at me, and I didn’t fucking blame her one bit. Jesus Christ. It had finally happened. The bullshit that was my life had finally broken her. The look in her eyes? Fuck, she had looked at me like I was the enemy, too. “I was supposed to be at work…” “I wasn’t supposed to be there…” “Where were you?” She blamed me. She didn’t say it in so many words, but I knew she did. This was my fault. I was on my own until Molloy. She came into my life and all of a sudden, I had a partner, a friend, a true equal who was willing to go down in flames with me. And my father took that away fro...

Mam feared me. Shannon felt betrayed by me. Molloy couldn’t stand the sight of me. The only three women I had ever loved in my whole life, and I was letting them down left, right, and center. I couldn’t seem to do the right thing by anyone.

“If he touches you again, Shannon, I want you to grab the sharpest knife you can find, and I want you to plunge it into his heart.” Finally, she turned to look at me, eyes full of despondence. “You’re not coming back, are you?” “I can’t,” I strangled out, willing her to understand that my sanity was at stake. “If I go back inside that house, I’ll kill them both.” The look on her face assured me that she didn’t understand. The look on her face assured me that I had broken her heart. Bitterly disappointed in me, my sister unfastened her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. “Goodbye, Joey,” was all she said, before slamming the door shut and walking away.

No good will come of this, my conscience urged. You’ll break her heart all over again. Remember last time? Remember her face? Your father already broke her, and you gave him the access, the demon hissed, do you want to sit with the visual of him spreading her legs open like a brood fucking mare, or do you want to forget everything bad you’ve ever seen, felt, and experienced? Because your conscience won’t do that for you. You know what will work, though. You can make it all go away. You don’t have to suffer like this.

“I never should have left you there,” I said hoarsely. “I didn’t protect you, and I’m so fucking sorry for that.” “You’re not supposed to have to protect me like that,” she cried. “You’re not supposed to have to worry about that happening. Fathers aren’t supposed to do the things your father does, Joe.” I knew that. Of course I fucking knew that. “I’m not him,” I choked out, needing her to hear me, to fucking believe me. “I’m not, Aoife, I swear.” Reaching up to cup her face between my hands, I pulled her head close to mine and whispered, “I am nothing like that man.” “I know you’re nothing like him,” she cried, leaning close to rest her brow to mine. “But I’m nothing like you, Joe.” “What does that mean?” “It means that I can’t brush something like this under the table the way you can.” “I’m not asking you to,” I hurried to say. “I’m not. I’ll take you to the station myself, Aoife. I won’t cover for him anymore, I swear to you, and I will never ask you to do that.”

“What do you want me to say here?” “I’m just…” Shaking her head, she expelled another ragged breath before saying, “I’m seeing a lot of red flags shooting up around us now. Ones I never used to see before tonight, but can’t get out of my head ever since.” Struck fucking dumb, I just stared at her, unable to read the signs or hear the meaning of whatever the fuck she was trying to tell me. “What are you saying?” “I’m saying that your life scares me, and maybe you were right when you told me that you were a bad idea for me.” Her words hit me like a slap across the face and I physically recoiled, feeling like she had cut me open and left me to hemorrhage at her feet. “Do you really mean that?” “No? Maybe?” Sniffling, she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what I mean anymore.” “Okay.” Cold to the bone, I stared at her for the longest moment before shaking my head. “Okay, I should leave.” “What? No, no, don’t go!” Sinking onto my lap, she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. “Don’t leave me!” “I don’t know what you want from me,” I admitted hoarsely as wave upon wave of devastation continued to crash over me, fucking drowning me. “I don’t know what to do here, Aoife, because you’re telling me to go with your words and to stay with your actions.” “I know,” she cried, shaking her head as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, okay?” “Are you breaking up with me?” I forced myself to ask. “Is that what y...

“You’re mad at me.” More silence. “You blame me.” She didn’t respond, choosing to cover her ears with her hands instead. “Admit it,” I demanded, feeling helpless and frustrated as my chest heaved. “Whatever you need to say to me, just fucking admit it, Molloy.” “Fine, Joey, fine! You want to know how I’m feeling? I’m hurt!” she screamed, scrambling onto her knees and throwing her pillow at me. “Because I was nearly raped tonight—by a man that looks just like you! And I was put in that position because of you! Because you didn’t care enough to pick up the phone and tell me what was happening. Because you didn’t spare a thought for me when you left and didn’t come back!” And there it was. It was out there now. She blamed me as much as I blamed me. “I had my back to him when he grabbed me,” she cried out hoarsely. “I thought it was you… I thought he was you, Joey! But it wasn’t you. Those weren’t your hands on my body, or your tongue on my skin, or your fingers in my hair, and now I don’t know what to feel.” I flinched. “Jesus Christ.” Just when I thought I couldn’t hate myself any more than I did, she opened her mouth and gave me her truth. Choking out a huge sob, she cried, “So, yes, I’m mad at you, and maybe it’s irrational to feel it and my emotions are all misplaced, but I’m mad, and hurt, and I’m so fucking angry with you.” Her voice cracked, and she choked out another pained sob before admitting, “Because I was there tonight for you. Looking after your brothers for you...

As hard as it was to hear, it was the truth. I hurt her and she hurt me, it was what we seemed to do, but she couldn’t look at me now without seeing my father, and all I could see in this moment when I looked at her was my mother.

“There’s no one else for me, Mam. I know it. I can feel it in my bones.” “I believe you,” she replied, nursing her mug between her hands. “You’ve always been a drama queen—” “Hey!” “Let me finish.” “Fine.” I huffed out a breath. Laughing, Mam tried again. “What I’m trying to say is that even though you’ve always had a flair for the dramatic and can be recklessly impulsive with your actions, you have never been reckless with your heart.” “Wow,” I mused. “What a backhanded compliment.”

“I’m here when I don’t want to be, when I would rather be anywhere else on this planet—and that includes a coffin—but I’m here because you called. Because you need me. Because they need me. Even though being inside this house makes me want to peel my skin off. I’m fucking here. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, then I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.” “I want you to love yourself enough to stop destroying yourself.” “How do you ever expect that to happen when the very person who gave birth to me can’t love me?” Mam reared back like I had struck her—and maybe I had, but it was with the truth. “That is not true,” she cried, pushing her hair back. “You can’t possibly believe that.” “Whatever.” Shaking my head, I dragged myself off the bed and moved for my clothes. “I’m not doing this with you right now. I have somewhere to be.” “Somewhere like Shane Holland’s house?” Remaining silent, I kept my back to her and slipped on my sweats before pulling a hoodie on. “Don’t do it,” she begged, following after me as I pocketed my phone and wallet and moved for the door. “Think about your future.” “I don’t have one of those anymore.” “Yes, you do.” “No.” I shook my head and yanked the door open. “He took her away from me.”

“Oh my god.” My breath hitched in my throat. “Why, Joe, why?” “Why do you think?” he whispered brokenly, still obediently keeping eye contact with me as I held his chin in my hand. “I broke you.” “No, Joe, you didn’t break me.” I shook my head and blinked back the tears stinging my eyes. “You broke you.” “It’s my fault.” He looked away then, pulling his face free. “What happened to you is on me.” “You didn’t do anything wrong.” “I brought you into that house,” he hissed, swinging back to glare at me. “I put you in harm’s way, and harm got you.”

“About how I thought that you needed to stay away from my son? Well, I was wrong.” My brow furrowed. “You were wrong?” “Joey needs you,” she continued to say, blue eyes full of lonesome sincerity as the urgency in her tone grew. “More than he needs me—or anyone else, for that matter. For most of his life, my son has been so hell-bent on escaping his mind, that he’s never given a second thought to destroying himself in the process. But with you, since my son has been with you, he’s different. It’s not only that he’s present, but that he wants to be. You soothe something inside of him, something that his father and I are responsible for breaking, and I don’t want to see him have that snatched away from him again.” “Why are you saying this?” I asked, my gaze flicking from her face to the car I could see over her shoulder. Anxiety gnawed at my gut, and it took everything I had in me to stand my ground and not run away. “Because I made a mistake, Aoife,” she replied in a shaky tone. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to my son, but this is one that I hope I can make right.” She looked me in the eyes then, imploring me to hear her when she said, “Don’t give up on him, Aoife. Please don’t give up on my boy.” The sincerity in her voice threw me, and it took me a few moments to gather my thoughts before I could respond. “Nothing you said about Joey changed anything for me,” I heard myself say. “I know your son is worth loving, worth saving, even if the rest of the world can...

“Are you going to send me away again?” he asked in an achingly vulnerable tone, sinking deep inside of me. “Tell me now so I can be ready for it.” My heart skipped. “No, Joe.” Cupping his stubbly cheek, I leaned in close and brushed my lips against his. “I won’t ever send you away again.”

“God loves a trier,” Casey agreed, eyes dancing with mischief. “But Aoife loves Joey.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, my baby sister squirmed in discomfort before throwing her hands up and blurting out, “I kissed Johnny Kavanagh.” Well, shit. I wasn’t expecting that. My brows shot up in surprise. “You kissed…” “Johnny Kavanagh,” she filled in with a nod, cheeks reddening. “Okay,” I replied slowly as I tried to navigate this new fucking territory that my baby sister had unceremoniously thrown me into. This wasn’t a conversation she needed to be having with her older brother. This was an older sister conversation. Or a mother and daughter conversation. Instead, she was stuck with me. Fuck. My. Life. I could feel my buzz deserting me at a rapid rate. “Was that all you did with him?” Please say yes. Please Jesus, don’t tell me anything else. “Yes,” she strangled out, nodding eagerly. “When?” “Monday night. At his house.” “At his house?” I arched a brow. “Where in his house, exactly?” “His bedroom.” Now both my brows rose along with my blood pressure. “His bedroom?” “But he didn’t kiss me back,” she blurted out, wringing her hands together. “And I feel so embarrassed about the whole thing, Joe.” “Why didn’t he kiss you back?” “He said that it wouldn’t be fair to start anything up with me when he’s leaving soon.” She chewed on her lip, looking very young and uncertain. “But then he came over after school yesterday.” “He came over.” My eyes widened. “Here. To this house.” She nodded. “He helped me with my homework.” “Did anything happen?” “We hugged.” I fought back the...

“I kissed Johnny Kavanagh.” Well, shit. I wasn’t expecting that. My brows shot up in surprise. “You kissed…” “Johnny Kavanagh,” she filled in with a nod, cheeks reddening. “Okay,” I replied slowly as I tried to navigate this new fucking territory that my baby sister had unceremoniously thrown me into. This wasn’t a conversation she needed to be having with her older brother. This was an older sister conversation. Or a mother and daughter conversation. Instead, she was stuck with me. Fuck. My. Life. I could feel my buzz deserting me at a rapid rate. “Was that all you did with him?” Please say yes. Please Jesus, don’t tell me anything else. “Yes,” she strangled out, nodding eagerly. “When?” “Monday night. At his house.” “At his house?” I arched a brow. “Where in his house, exactly?” “His bedroom.” Now both my brows rose along with my blood pressure. “His bedroom?” “But he didn’t kiss me back,” she blurted out, wringing her hands together. “And I feel so embarrassed about the whole thing, Joe.” “Why didn’t he kiss you back?” “He said that it wouldn’t be fair to start anything up with me when he’s leaving soon.” She chewed on her lip, looking very young and uncertain. “But then he came over after school yesterday.” “He came over.” My eyes widened. “Here. To this house.” She nodded. “He helped me with my homework.” “Did anything happen?” “We hugged.” I fought back the laugh that was threatening to escape me. “You hugged.” “Uh-huh.” Desperately trying to keep a straight face, I ...

“What would you do if you were me?” Yeah, I wasn’t going to tell her what I’d do. “Or Aoife? What would she do in this position?” And I definitely wasn’t going to tell her what Molloy would do. “Just take your time. Be his friend and just let whatever happens come naturally,” I finally settled on, knowing it was lame as fuck, but unwilling to give my baby sister tips on how to seduce a fella. “If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, then that’s okay, too. And please, for the love of Christ, don’t ask Aoife for advice,” I added, shuddering at the thought of the pointers Molloy would be only too happy to give her. “You’re only sixteen, Shan. This is all new to you. You need to navigate this thing with Kavanagh at your own pace and nobody else’s.” “I can do that,” she whispered, looking up at me like I was giving her some sacred advice. “Thanks, Joe.” “Anytime.” “Can I ask you something else?” “What?” “How old were you?” She grimaced before adding, “When you first… You know?” I eyed her warily. “Do we need to have the talk?” Her eyes widened. “The talk?” “The talk,” I confirmed grimly. “You’ve had the talk, right?” “I, ah…” “Mam’s had the talk with you, hasn’t she?” I pressed...

“What if his, you know, is too big? What if it doesn’t fit in, um, well, you know?” “It fits.” I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. “It always fits.” “But how?” “Magic.” “Joey.” “It just fucking fits, Shan,” I replied. “Once the girl is relaxed and not feeling anxious or pressured—” I paused to give her a hard look. “Nobody’s pressuring you, right?” “Oh god, no,” she hurried to say. “I’m just…curious.” “Okay then. Good. That’s good to hear.” Repressing a shudder, I quickly continued. “Jesus, I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but foreplay helps a lot.” “Foreplay?” “Yeah, Shan.” “What kind of foreplay?” “Well, not hugging, that’s for fucking sure.” “Oh.” She blushed. “So, you mean like kissing and stuff?” “And stuff,” I replied, feeling like I was seconds away from throwing myself out of her bedroom window. “Like touching?” “Yeah, like touching and tasting and…ugh, you know what?” Slapping my hands on my knees, I stood up and paced the floor. “You should stick to the hugging. Hugging is perfect. Hugging is plenty close enough until you’re twenty.” “How old were you, Joe? When you first…” “Too young.” “How young?” “Younger than you.” Her eyes widened and she choked out a surprised cough. “Joe.”

“Well, if he isn’t good to her, there’ll be a queue waiting to take his place.” He slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Because I hate to break it to ya, Lynchy, but that sister of yours is a ride.” “Jesus Christ,” I groaned, unable to stop the shudder rolling through me. “Why do you have to ruin my life by saying shit like that?” “What?” He laughed. “It’s true. We all think it. None of us ever went there out of respect for you.” “She’s my baby sister, you fucking pervert.” “She’s no baby, lad,” he said with a chuckle. “Shannon Lynch is sweet sixteen and looks like a wet dream.” “I will kill you.” “I’m only saying.” “Well, don’t say it.” I shuddered again. “Don’t even think it. Jesus.” “She has epic blue eyes.” “I have an epic right hook.” “Then save it for the fella actually banging your sister, not the fella admiring her from a distance,” he said, laughing. “He’s not banging her.” “Not yet.” “Stop it.”

“Being there for you isn’t the problem.” It’s being good enough for you that I’m struggling with. “I just… I wish I wasn’t who I am.” Letting my head fall back, I took another drag and stared up at the darkening sky. “I wish I was someone else for you.” I exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Someone better.”

“I’ve loved your daughter for six years,” Joey finally broke his silence by saying. “I can easily love her for another eighteen.” Goddamn… My heart skipped in my chest. He wasn’t trying to sound sweet. He was trying to sound convincing. Still, I was ready to jump his bones.

“Are you going to still want me when I’m the size of a whale?” “Molloy.” He chuckled under his breath. “For fuck’s sake.” “I’m serious.” “I know you are.” With a shake of his head, he tossed the cigarette butt away and climbed back inside. “You’re not going to be the size of a whale.” “But if I am?” “You won’t be.” “I might be.” “You’re having a baby, Molloy, not inhaling a town.” “But say it happens.” “Jesus Christ.” He rolled his eyes to the heavens. “Yes, I’m still going to want you.” “How?” “How?” His brow furrowed in confusion as he closed the space between us. “What do you mean how?” “How are you going to still find me sexy when I’m big and round and swollen?” I gestured to my body and sighed. “Look at me, Joe. Won’t you miss this body?” He threw his head back and laughed. “Hey, don’t laugh at me, asshole.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m feeling vulnerable here.” “You are the vainest girl I’ve ever met.” “It’s not vanity when it’s true,” I sniped. “Then it’s just plain honesty.” Still chuckling, he shook his head, clearly amused. “Christ, I love you.” Grinning, he flopped down on the mattress beside me and stretched his arm out for me to join him. As soon as I snuggled into the crook of his arm, he pulled me close and released a contented sigh. “Don’t ever lose it, Molloy.” “Lose what?” “That spark of fire that makes you so incredibly you,”

now all you’ll ever be is the mother of that junkie scumbag’s little bastard.” “Say it again.” The breath left my body in a dizzy rush when a familiar menacing voice filled my ears. My shoulders sagged and I honestly felt like I was about to collapse from the surge of relief that rocketed through my body. “Say it again, asshole,” Joey repeated, coming up to stand behind me.

“Joseph, would you care to tell the class what you two are whispering about? In your native tongue, if you will, since I have spent the past six years attempting to teach you the language.” “Ceart go leor, a mhúinteoir,” my boyfriend replied with a nonchalant shrug as he replied in As Gaeilge. “Bhí mé ag rá le mo leannán go bhfuil grá agam di.” My heart slammed wildly in my chest as I mentally translated his words. Fair enough, teacher. I was telling my sweetheart that I love her. “Dúirt mé léi freisin go bhfuil cuma álainn uirthi,” Joey continued to say, not missing a beat. I also told her that she looks beautiful. Shrugging, he added, “Agus go bhfuil mo chroí istigh inti.” And that my heart is inside her.

“Joey, come home. Come home quick!” Ollie screamed down the line. “Please, come home. Daddy’s going to kill her!” “Who, Ollie?” I demanded as my legs broke into a run in the direction of my house. “Is it Mam?” My heart jackknifed in my chest. “Is he hurting Mam?” “Shannon!” Ollie screamed down the line. “He’s killing Shannon!”

Blood smeared on the kitchen tiles. Shannon limp on the floor. Tadhg covering her body with his. Blood on his face. Mam standing in the kitchen screaming. And him. Him. Standing in the middle of the carnage was our father.

“Teddy, oh god, Teddy,” Mam cried, rushing to his side. “What have you done?” And there it was. There she was. Running straight to him. It broke me. Whatever held me together these past eighteen years splintered and spliced. Eyes wild, I looked around me, trying to make sense of the war zone we had been raised in. The war zone I was standing in. Blood and tears. Pain and pressure. It was too much.

“It’s over, Teddy. I’m done. We’re done. I can’t. I need you to go away.” “You’re done? You think you’re leaving me? You’re mine, Marie. Do ya hear me? You’re fucking mine. Think you can throw me out? Walk away from me?” “Just go! I want you gone, Teddy. Get out of our lives.” You need to go. I want you gone. Get out of our lives. She was directing the words at my father, but I didn’t feel a thing. Because her words didn’t mean shit. It was too little, too late. The damage was done. The time to stand up to him had long since passed. Whatever move she made now was out of fear for herself, not fear for her kids.

“And you’ve made your choice.” She had. Whether she denied it or not, she chose him. She would always choose him. But this time, I was choosing my siblings over her. “You don’t understand,” she wailed. “You don’t see.” “Then get up, Mam.” Tears filled my eyes, and it honestly felt like she stuck her hand through my chest and wrapped it around my heart. “Get up off your knees and walk out of this house with me.” “I can’t.” She shook her head, eyes pleading. “He’ll kill me.” He’ll kill them, too, I wanted to scream. What part of that didn’t she get? How the fuck could she justify keeping them in this house? This wasn’t love. This was sick. She was as sick as he was and I wanted no more part in this.

At least, if he finished it, I could rest. I could just have peace. Don’t you dare stop. You’ve got a girl and a baby depending on you. Get the fuck back up on your feet. Don’t you dare leave her alone in this.

“Don’t be stupid, boy.” “I’m not stupid, and I’m not Joey. I won’t stop just because Shannon says so.”

“Jesus Christ, Tadhg,” Dad yelped, hands moving from my throat to his as blood trickled from the nick the knife had given him. “You cut me.” “This ends now,” Tadhg growled, holding the knife a lot steadier than any boy of eleven should. “Get off my brother, and get out of this house for good, or I’ll slit your fucking throat.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Shh, I’ve got you.” Ignoring his mother, my boyfriend continued to whisper in his baby sister’s ear. “I love you. I love you, Shan. Just hold on for me, okay?” “Shannon!” “Jesus Christ, Shannon!” “I’m here. I’m right here, Shan,” Joey continued as he rocked her back and forth in his arms like a mother would a small child.

“I’m going to get you help, okay?” Joey was whispering in Shannon’s ear as he pressed a kiss to her bloody forehead, smearing and mixing the blood on his face with hers. “Don’t leave me.”

“In cases like Joey’s, when patients present under these kinds of circumstances, there’s generally a long history of domestic violence, and to break it down for you, your partner’s test results reveal a pattern of child abuse that clearly stretches back to infancy.” A pained sob escaped my girlfriend. “Infancy?” “No, no, no,” I tried to coax, nuzzling her. “Don’t be crying, Molloy.”

“The results of his scans clearly show evidence of malunion fractures that went untreated and healed improperly. There’s very clear evidence of a poorly healed midshaft fracture to his right humerus. Unfortunately, this is something commonly seen in infants under the age of eighteen months who have been exposed to physical abuse. In your partner’s case, while his bones may have healed over time, many of the injuries his body sustained left residual shadows. Or blemishes, if you will.” “You’re saying this has been happening since he was a baby?” “I’m saying there’s evidence that leads me to believe that your partner has sustained a tremendous level of physical abuse over an extended period of time.” “That leads back to when he was a baby?” “It’s possible.” “Oh my god.” Molloy heaved out a sob and pulled me closer. “Oh my god!” “Quite frankly, it’s a miracle he’s sitting here.”

“No, Joe, she needs to hear this.” Swallowing down a scream, I blinked away my temper tears and pointed a finger at his mother. “He’s the best damn thing that came out of your marriage and you’re too stupid to see it. He’s not your bodyguard. He’s not your bank account. He’s not your babysitter. He’s not your fucking husband. He’s your child. He’s your son!” Furious, I turned my glare on his brother. “And as for you? Well, I don’t really know you that well yet, but I’m feeling like this is a fuck-you kind of moment. So, fuck you.”

“I am not our old man, and she is none of your fucking business!”

All I could remember was Shannon slumped on that kitchen floor and the blood coming out of her mouth. I’d been helpless. Fucking useless. I hadn’t done shit to protect her. I’d let her down. Again.

“You could die, Joe!” “I don’t know if I want to live, Aoife.” “Don’t say that!” she warned, reaching her arm back through the bar to hook it around my neck. “Don’t you ever say that again, do you hear me?” “I’m only here for you,” I confessed, reveling in the warmth of her hands on my skin. I was so fucking cold. She was the only thing that could warm me. “I want it gone, Aoife. I want it to be done with—” “No, baby, no.” Sniffling, she pulled me close and sealed her mouth to mine. “I won’t let you go.”

“Please just…please keep loving me.” “Always, Joe,” she breathed against my lips. “Always.” “Because I feel like I’m all alone here, baby.” “No.” Shaking her head, she pulled back to wipe the tears that were trickling down my cheeks and then leaned back in to gently stroke my nose with hers. “You have us.” Trembling, I reached my hand between the bars and reached for her. “I want to be good enough for you.” Sniffling, I cradled the small swell of her stomach as the wind whipped at my face. “For both of you.” “I believe in you,” I heard her say through her tears. “Do you hear me, Joey Lynch?” Clutching my face between her hands, she looked me right in the eyes and whispered, “I still believe in you.” You’re the only one.

That was the unsettling part. She was listening to me. Fuck.