Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

“I’m sorry, guys,” I muttered, feeling terrible. “I’m a pain in the ass.” “Yeah, but you’re our pain in the ass,” Lizzie countered. “And we happen to be sort of fond of you.”

“Girl, you are too much sunshine for one person.” “And you are too much gray cloud,” Claire quipped. Turning to me, she cooed, “And Shan here is our pretty little silver lining.”

“Take your time,” Lizzie said, tone serious. “There’s no rush, okay? If you want to be with him, then that’s great. If he makes you happy, then fuck it, I’m all for it, but don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for. He’s older than you and has a hell of a lot more experience with the world, so just take it at your own pace, not Johnny’s, and if he pressures you, even a little bit, then you kick his stupid rugby ass to the curb because—”

“Aww,” Claire gushed, clutching her chest with both hands. “I love them together.” She feigned swooning before adding, “It’s like a Great Dane and a Chihuahua trying to mate, but they somehow make it work.”

“But, Liz, he actually picked her up to kiss her!” “Yeah, Claire, I know. I have eyes, too. Stop being such a weirdo.”

“Listen up,” Johnny said then, drawing the attention of his friends. “This is Shannon—my girlfriend. She’s going to be sitting here from now on, so get used to seeing her around the place.” He moved to sit down, but quickly stopped himself and straightened back up. “Oh, and fuck with her and I’ll bury you all—” He cast a meaningful look around the table before adding, “Are we clear?”

“No, I don’t.” Her brown eyes burned with vulnerability as she spoke. “I know Gerard Gibson better than anyone on this planet—hell, I know him better than he knows himself—and trust me when I tell you that boy can’t pay attention to anything for longer than a day. I’ve seen it—the way he is with girls. He’ll give a girl everything for one day and then he’s on to the next one. I don’t even think he can help it. I know he doesn’t do it on purpose.” Her cheeks flushed bright pink. “But I can’t be just another day to him—just another girl. I don’t want to pour my heart out to him, only for him to turn right around and realize that the chase was more fun than the catch.” Shrugging helplessly, she added, “I think it would break me.”

“She doesn’t want to go with you!” Claire screamed at the top of her lungs. “She said no!” Stunned, I looked back at my friend, wondering why she had suddenly raised her voice. Darren hadn’t hurt me—not physically, at least. But when I spotted Johnny, Gibsie, Hughie, and Feely all watching us with thunderous expressions on their faces, I quickly realized why. She was calling for reinforcements.

“I’m always here for you.” Hurrying over to where I was sitting on her bed, Claire flung herself down on me, knocking me onto my back. “You’re my best friend,” she whispered, hugging me tightly. “And I know I’m not supposed to squeeze you, but I can’t help it because—” Her voice cracked and she dropped her face to rest against my shoulder before whispering, “Because when I got that call from Gerard and found out what happened to you, I was so afraid that I would never see you again.” Sniffling, she clutched me tighter. “I felt so responsible.”

“No, hear me out, Shan,” he hurried to say, resting a hand on mine. “I can only tell you what I know,” he added, tone hoarse, eyes heated. “That from the very first day you walked into my life, you changed me. That very first time I saw you? You sparked to life something inside of me.” Releasing a heavy sigh, he shrugged again, eyes locked on mine. “And I haven’t been the same since.”

Tadhg stared hard at Joey for a long moment before shuddering violently. “I don’t want him to come back,” he finally said, voice cracking. Springing onto his knees, he lunged at Joey. “I don’t want this,” he cried, wrapping his arms around Joey’s neck. “I want it to be gone. I just want it to be over!”

I turned on my heel and walked up to my room, with my father’s letter in hand, wishing I had appreciated the last two weeks of sleep I’d had because I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be sleeping easy again.

“I’m not prepared to be another statistic,” he choked out, sounding deadly serious. “Not with her. So I’ll do what I have to do, I’ll bide my time, but I won’t tie her down. Not until she’s ready. Not until we’ve both lived a bit of life first.” He dropped his head and released a pained groan. “But I won’t watch that.” He growled again. “Never a-fucking-gain.”

“I’m so scared, Johnny,” she squeezed out. “Don’t be scared,” I hurried to say to console her. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” My voice was shaking, matching my entire body, as emotions racked through me. “I swear I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”

“I’m just so tired,” she whispered, ignoring my words, drowning us both in her pain. “I’m tired of being scared. I’m tired of not knowing. I’m tired of being fucked up in the head!” “Jesus, Shan,” I groaned, dropping my chin to rest on her head. “You are not fucked up in the head.” I tightened my arms around her. “Do you hear me? This is not you. This is them. They’re the fucked-up ones.”

I hoped she never left me, because I was never going to get over this girl.

“Tell me what to do?” I begged, holding her tight and growing more frantic with every desperate shiver and sob that tore from her body. “Tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you.” I pressed a kiss to her hair, wanting nothing more than to take this away for her. “Just tell me what you need from me.”

“I just want to go,” she sniffled. “I want to leave and never come back.” “You won’t do that, though.” Panicking, I tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at me. “You won’t leave me, right?” “I’m not g-good for you,” she hiccupped. “You’re going to r-realize that.”

I wanted to give her a good day to make up for the bad ones, or at the very least make her day a little better.

“Never,” she laughed. “It’s mine. You gave it to me, and I’m not giving it back.” Like my fucking heart?

“I’m here for Johnny the boy,” I told him, cupping his face with my trembling hands. “Not Johnny the rugby player.” Exhaling a shaky breath, I leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling back to look in his eyes. “I’ll stay for both, but I’m only in love with one.”

“I meant it when I said I need you for keeps.”

“I’m going to keep you,” he whispered and his hot breath fanned my face. “If that’s okay?” “That’s definitely okay,” I breathed, pressing my hand to his cheek. “I want you to keep me.” He smiled, dimples deepening. “Thank fuck for that.” Pressing a kiss to the curve of his swollen lips, I whispered, “I’ll keep you, too.”

“I’m not in your corner, Shannon,” Johnny replied in a gruff tone. “I’m standing right beside you.”

“You look so fucking beautiful.” You said that already, lad. “Seriously, you’re gorgeous.” Shut up, Johnny. “Uh, thanks.” Under the streetlamps, I could see the blush on her cheeks. “It’s the clothes and makeup.” “It’s the girl,” I corrected, giving her hand a squeeze.

“I’m keeping you, Shannon Lynch.”

His eyes blazed with heat as he lowered his lips to mine. “I promise I’ll make you feel good,” he whispered between kisses. “Just tell me if you don’t want it or if I’m moving too fast and I’ll stop, okay?”

His hand moved lower, fingers grazing over my hip bone, before his hand settled on the front of my knickers. “What about this?” Stroking his nose against mine, he slipped his hand inside my underwear and cupped me there. “Is this okay?”

“I want you,” he growled into my mouth as he worked his finger inside me, moving slowly, in and out, deep and drugging. “More than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.” Kissing me hard, he pulled out only to push a second finger inside me. “Fuck, you’re so wet, baby.” Trembling, I clung to him, bucking my hips excitedly. “So fucking tight… Shite, is this okay?”

In her mindset, he was as good as a god. I didn’t ask too much about it because I was scared of the answers. Some of the things she had told me about her childhood terrified me. I didn’t want to hear about what they had endured because I didn’t trust my reactions. It was the worst feeling in the world, feeling helpless, and I didn’t cope well with helplessness. Thinking that was exactly how Shannon had felt for most of her life made my chest constrict.

“I needed to know you were safe.” My heart burst open in my chest, and I felt like I was drowning in feelings. “I’m safe.” “You sure?” He looked so vulnerable when he said, “Because I think I’m going to need a promise.”

“Only if you promise you’ll still be here in the morning,” he replied, brushing his lips against mine. “So, do you promise?” I blew out a ragged breath. “I’ll be here.”

“Jesus, who wouldn’t want her? But that’s the problem. I don’t just want her. I want to keep her. And what if I hurt her? She’s so small, Gibs. And she’s only sixteen. And her ma’s threatening me. I feel like if I put one foot wrong here, it’s over, and I’m so fucking scared of screwing this up, Gibs. I don’t want to wreck it. I can barely breathe when I’m around her. Everything goes all hazy and feelings…fucking feelings just flood me!” I blew out a breath, feeling relieved to have it off my chest. “I’m completely fucked, aren’t I?”

“He does it back to me,” Lizzie defended, still red-faced. “And I didn’t know he was dyslexic.” “It shouldn’t matter,” Claire snapped. “That was a horrible thing to say to anyone.” She rose from her chair, adding, “And there’s a lot that you don’t know about him, so don’t be so quick to judge!”

“Because I can’t get past it,” she sniffled. “I can’t see beyond it, and I can’t get over it. I’m stuck and I keep driving him away.” Releasing a furious growl, she wiped her eyes and jerked to her feet. “It doesn’t even matter. He can fuck off if he wants to. I’m not holding him down and making him stay. If he wants to be done, then we’re done.”

“Hey, Gibs?” “Yeah, little Shannon?” he replied, smiling warmly at me. “Why do you do that?” I asked, my mind straying. “Do what?” “Call me little Shannon?” “Because you’re little?” He laughed. “And you’re Shannon.” Grinning, he shrugged. “Little Shannon.”

“It’s all good,” he told me, smile still in place. “No worries.” “Okay.” Shrugging helplessly, I added, “But for the record, I think you’re really smart.” His brows shot up. “Me?” “You,” I confirmed quietly before slipping out of the room.

“Lad, I think I love your girlfriend,” Gibsie stated when Shannon whizzed out of the sitting room. “That’s weird, right?” “What’s weird is you telling me that you love my girlfriend,” I replied, climbing to my feet. “That’s dangerous.”

“Well, it’s the truth.” He laughed. “And I’m not blind, lad.” “You look at her?” I demanded, appalled. “At my Shannon?” “Your Shannon,” he snickered. “Yeah, I do, and it’s not just me. We all look at her—and apparently looking at her is all you do, too.” “Are you fucking with me right now?” I demanded, furious.

“I’m just saying, she’s gorgeous and we all have eyes.” He snickered. “But that doesn’t mean I’m imagining myself naked on top of—” “If you finish that sentence, I will rip your head off,” I seethed. “Fair warning.”

She was my first love, and she was scary as fuck to me.

“From me,” I replied, heart racing. “From this.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “From our relationship. What do you want from me?” “Honestly?” I nodded. “Always.” “Everything,” she whispered, looking into my eyes. “Especially the broken parts.”

“You’re so beautiful,” I told her, giving up the fight and taking my fill of the sight of her. “I don’t even know what to say.” The fresh-looking scar between her side and right breast caught my attention and I froze, feeling like I’d been doused in cold water.

Battling down a tsunami of anger, I reached out and brushed my fingertips over the scar. “Is it sore?” “Not anymore.” She shook her head. “I don’t even feel it now.”

Sagging in relief, I continued, “I’m in love with you—” “Johnny—” “No, no, please just listen,” I coaxed before plowing ahead. “I’m in love with you, Shannon. I’m completely fucking hooked on you, so when you’re hurt, it affects me. It hurts me. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t.” She shuddered and stepped closer to me. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m with you because I feel sorry for you…” I hooked an arm around her bare back and tugged her all the way until she was flush against me. “It just means that I’m going to get upset when you’re upset, and that when someone hurts you, I’m going to want to cause some serious harm to them in return. I’m all in, Shannon. Scars and all. Fucked-up father and all. One hundred and fifty percent.”

“And I’m saying all of this while you’re standing here, looking like the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in real life, praying that you don’t run out on me, because I have a raging hard-on for you and it’s going to take me a few minutes to calm myself down before I can chase after you.” Her breath hitched. “You think I’m sexy?” “Look at me, Shannon—” Stepping back, I gestured to the obvious bulge in my sweats, trying to keep the outrage out of my voice. “Look at what you do to me. Do you not get that? You are so damn sexy, I can’t even tell you how much.”

“I want you, okay?” I hooked an arm around her back, tucking her flush against me. “Badly. Don’t ever doubt that.” Smoothing her hair over her shoulder again, I kissed her softly. “I just don’t want to look back in five years’ time and know that I fucked up the important parts because I couldn’t be patient.”

“You said in five years’ time,” she whispered, curling her arms around my neck. “I already told you, I need you for keeps,” I replied gruffly. “There’s no expiration date between us.”

“I’m going to show you.” “What the hell.” Slipping her shirt over her head, she stood up and smiled at me. “I’ve got nothing to lose.” I did. Her.

“No. No. Honestly, I don’t! I don’t have this!” Her eyes widened when she turned to gape at me. “I don’t even have a license. Not even a tractor license. I’m sixteen, Johnny, and this is an expensive car. Oh god, I’m going to kill us both!” “No, you’re not,” I coaxed. “You’re going to smash this.” “Yeah,” Shannon choked out. “Into a tree, Johnny!”