Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Tadhg move for the cupboard. Yanking open one of the drawers, he withdrew a knife, and without a hint of hesitation, he lunged.

The last thing I remembered before darkness enveloped me was my brother’s touch as he folded me in his arms, followed by the sound of his voice as he whispered the words “Don’t leave me” in my ear.

I shook my head, at a complete loss. “Ma,” I croaked out hoarsely, “I’m telling you, there’s something wrong.” “What makes you so sure?” “Because—” Exhaling heavily, I sagged against the wall and shrugged helplessly. “I can feel it.”

“Listen, Johnny, I’m going to give it to you straight here, lad,” Gibsie added, tone slightly more serious now. “You’ve spent months lying to yourself and everyone else about your feelings. It was too much. All of that pent-up frustration had to come out of you sooner or later.” Shrugging, he added, “The anesthesia and morphine just helped the process along—forced the truth out of you.”

“I think it’s her da, Gibs.” Swallowing down my uncertainty, I looked my best friend straight in the eyes and said, “I think Shannon’s father is abusing her.”

“Something’s happening to her, Gibs,” I choked out, feeling my heart hammer against my chest. “I can feel it in my bones.”

And then it hit me like a goddamn freight train. “Who’s hurting you, baby? I’ll fix it.” “It’s a secret.” “I won’t tell.” “My father.”

“Listen, I texted your dad,” he told me. “He’s on the way, Johnny, lad. He’ll help us.” “Good,” I replied, tone clipped, as I tried to catch my breath and process this. “I’m going to need him to take my case when I go down for murder.” “Think he’ll represent me, too?” Gibsie asked. Shrugging, he added, “When you’re embarking on hell, it’s always good to have a buddy.”

“I don’t care,” I said, voice void of all emotion as I wrestled with my anxiety. “I need my brother.” “I’m your brother, too,” he said sadly. “No.” I shook my head, refuting his claims. “You left us there. You’re not my—”

I don’t want to travel the world anymore, and my ultimate ambition is to survive.” He flinched but I forced myself to finish. “The girl you remember is gone, Darren. I’m not her anymore. Whatever I used to be, he beat it out of me a long time ago.”

“She’s not at the house, asshole,” Joey erupted in my ear. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. She’s at the fucking hospital!” My heart stopped dead in my chest. “I took her there myself on Saturday evening,” he choked out. “After our old man beat her to within an inch of her life for messing around with you. Some asshole teacher from Tommen called the house and reported that he found her getting off with you in a changing room, so fuck you back, Johnny Kavanagh. If this is on me, then it’s on you, too!”

“I told you,” I said, eyes locked on the back of his head as the car tore off down the driveway. “I’m not a liar.”

“So, when did you get home?” I asked, feeling hoarse and off-balance. “This evening.” He raised my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Took me forever to get back to you.”

“You care?” A pained groan tore from his throat. “Yeah, I care.” He leaned closer. “I care so fucking much I can hardly breathe.”

“Don’t be sad for me.” “Sad? I’m not sad, Shannon. I’m fucking devastated,”

“Johnny?” My hands moved of their own accord, knotting in the fabric of his hoodie. “If you’re going to let me down—” Dropping my head, I closed my eyes and inhaled several shaky breaths before tipping my chin up and opening my eyes. “Then I need you to do it now, okay? Don’t wait until it’s too late, and please…please don’t make it hurt—”

Johnny silenced me by putting his lips on mine. Stunned, I could do nothing but sag against him, giving him all of my weight and trusting him not to break me. It was a soft, innocent, almost feather-like peck on the lips, but it was everything in that moment, and it meant everything to me because it was from him. Because for the very first time he kissed me first.

“Stop talking.” Mam balked. “Wh-what?” “You don’t get to do this to me,” I said, shaking. “You don’t get to scare me away from the one good thing in my life.”

“I’m okay, Claire,” I gently reminded her. “I’m here.” I’m alive. “I just love you so much,” she cried. “You don’t even get how important you are to me!”

I had no explanation for how my life had unraveled to the point where I was showering a semicomatose, drugged-up hurler other than this: I fell in love with a girl who had more layers and complications attached to her life than a Rubik’s Cube. A Rubik’s Cube I could solve. Shannon Lynch’s life, not so much.

“How did we fall into this, lad?” “You love his sister, and I love his sister’s best friend,” Gibsie replied, scrubbing Joey down with a sponge. “It’s safe to say that pussy got us into this, Kav.”

“It means I’m the fucking mother.” “Well.” I exhaled heavily and stretched my legs out, trying to ease the burn in my thighs. “You’re one hell of a mother, Joey the hurler.” “Someone has to be,” he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. “Well, you did a good job,” I told him.

“Don’t let her down. Whatever you’re doing, Kavanagh, don’t fuck my sister over.” I tapped in the number and pressed call before handing it back to him and saying, “I won’t.”

“I can’t,” Claire said with a heavy sigh. “Not since Mam found out that you—” She snapped her mouth shut. Her face turned a deep shade of red and she gave Gibsie a look that said “And you know why” before hurrying on. “I just can’t.”

My pulse galloped wildly when he leaned closer and lowered his forehead to rest against mine. The featherlight contact was too much and at the same time not nearly enough. “I need you to take the lead here, Shannon,” he whispered. “You need to tell me what you want from me.” I could feel his heart hammering hard in his chest. The rhythm seemed to match mine. “Because I’m not making any mistakes with you.”

I just wanted time with her. Away from her family and rugby. Away from everything. Just me and her. I wanted to hit pause on my life and just keep her. Strong words for a person my age, but I trusted my instincts and my gut. All of those were encouraging me, assuring me that I was dead on the money because this girl was the girl for me. The one I was supposed to keep. I could make my way through a mountain of pussy and it wouldn’t mean a thing because I had caught feelings for her.

“Listen,” I said, turning my body to give her my full attention. “There’s something you should know about me, and it’s that I don’t do feelings fleetingly. I’m not a fleeting fucking anything… That’s not how I work. So when I tell you something, or when I do something, I mean it. I’ve thought it through. And I’m telling you that I want you here with me.”

And Christ if I wasn’t right there with her, diving in like a fucking maniac, desperate for the taste of her as our tongues dueled together for what was, without a doubt, the best kiss of my life. Kissing her was different because there were feelings involved. Big, huge, terrifying fucking feelings that I knew she felt, too. It was different because it mattered—because we mattered to each other.

“Don’t let go, okay?” “I won’t,” he promised, tightening his hold on me.

“Jesus, Shannon,” he choked out, gripping me even tighter. “You’ll never know how badly I wish I had been there.”

He asked about Joey! Three words that meant more to me than anything else he could have said in that moment. Pulling myself up on my elbow, I leaned over and pressed my lips to his. “Thank you,” I whispered, pulling back to look at him.

“I don’t just like you. I fucking—” Shaking his head, Johnny rubbed his jaw before looking back at me. “Shannon, I love you.”

“I’m in love with you. I think I’ve been that way for a while now—a long fucking while, if we’re being totally honest.” Exhaling shakily, he added, “And that scares the shit out of me worse than the thought of not making the U20s. You scare me more than anyone I’ve ever come up against on a pitch.”

“And going back to your earlier question, I like you because you’re you, Shannon. I’ve never met another girl like you.” I scrunched my nose up. “You mean another girl as screwed up as me.” “No, I mean a girl as kind, and caring, and trustworthy, and loyal as you,” he countered gruffly. “And beautiful. Jesus Christ, you are so fucking beautiful that it’s painful to look at you. I’ve never seen anything like you in my life.”

“And I was scared, Shannon. I was so fucking afraid of how I felt for you. I still am. You scare the absolute shite out of me—for reasons I’m still not entirely sure of, because in all honesty I don’t know what the fuck is happening here. My head is in pieces and I’m so far out of my comfort zone that I feel like I’m balancing on thin ice, but I know that there’s no other person I would willingly put myself out there for like I have with you.” He shrugged helplessly. “Like I’m doing right now.”

“I want you because you drive me fucking crazy. And yeah, I’m not going to lie, I feel sorry for you,” he added gruffly. “I’d be a coldhearted bastard if I didn’t, but that’s got nothing to do with why I want to be with you. I’m sticking around because I need you.”

My heart beat so fast I feared it would burst. “You need me?” “You think it’s the other way around, but it’s not,” he told me. “I need you, too, because you calm something inside of me. You make me feel good. Like I don’t have to…” His voice trailed off for a moment as he clearly pondered what he was trying to say. “You make me feel like I’m enough as I am,” he finally admitted. “Like if this is the furthest I go, if I don’t make the squad, then it’s okay.” “You are enough,” I breathed, wrapping my hand around his neck. “Just as you are right now.” Desperate to comfort him, I hitched a leg over his and scrambled onto his lap, knowing I shouldn’t, he was still healing, but not having the self-control to stop. “You’re so good,” I told him, knotting my fingers in his hair and pulling him closer to me. “You’re such a good person, Johnny Kavanagh, and you don’t even know it. You don’t see how little rugby has to do with how special you are. But I do. I see it, and I know.”

“What do you need from me, Shannon?” he croaked out, voice thick and husky. “I’ll give you anything you need, baby.” Shaking his head, he groaned like he was in pain. “I just…I want to make you happy.” “You,” I whispered. “All of you.” “I’m already yours,” he groaned, before covering my lips with his.

“Are there any more Lynch children in my house, Jonathan?” “No,” I muttered, not meeting her eye. “I only took two.”

“Who the hell do you think you are? Keeping two of my children in your home without my consent!” Mrs. Lynch practically screamed, face turning red. “And don’t you dare touch my daughter,” she added, yanking Shannon out of Mam’s reach.

“Maybe you should have said that to your husband,” Mam shot back heatedly. “When he was battering the shite out of the girl!”

She was crying hard against my chest. She was bleeding through her tears. Releasing pain and angst, devastation and fear, and I wanted to save her from it all. Her tears rained down on me, drowning me right along with her, and that was the exact moment I felt the shift, the switch from this being something sweet and innocent to something deeply complicated with the hint of forever.

Shaking my head, I swallowed down a million fuck-you’s and turned to look at Shannon who was hugging Joey. “Shannon Lynch?” I called out, ignoring the rest of her fucked-up family. “I love you back.”

Sniffling, she lifted her chin from Joey’s chest and looked at me all red-eyed and blotchy. “S-still?” “Still.” I nodded in confirmation. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.”

Grinning, Johnny dipped his face, closing the space between us. “I think I’ll take my chances,” he whispered, and then brushed his lips against mine. Once, featherlight, twice, a little firmer, and then…oh god. His tongue swept into my mouth, stroking against mine, and my breath hitched, my eyelids fluttering closed. My hands shot out of their own accord, fingers knotting in his navy school jumper, as I kissed him back with everything I had in me. Whatever I had in this moment, I gave it all up to him, both unable and unwilling to hold back the feelings bursting out of me that were all aimed solely at him.

“Wait, wait, wait—” Breaking the kiss, Johnny stared down at me, breathing hard. “You’re my girlfriend now, right?” Feeling slightly dazed, I craned my neck and stared up at him. “Huh?” “My girlfriend,” he repeated, looking nervous. “Are you?”

“I don’t know,” I finally replied, heart racing wildly. “Am I?” Johnny touched my cheek, his knuckles grazing over my skin with a featherlight touch. “I really fucking hope so.” “Yeah?” A deep sense of relief washed through me and I whispered, “Me too.” “And I’m yours.” Grinning, his hand slipped from my elbow to my ass, giving me a little squeeze, before he stepped back and released me. “Just so you know where you stand.”

“I can’t handle it, Shannon,” he whispered. “You have no idea how fucked up in the head it makes me, not knowing if he’s back or whether or not you’re safe. Every time I think about you in that house, I go into a blind panic. I literally drive myself insane thinking all the worst-case scenarios until I see you again.” “But I’m okay now,” I hurried to soothe. “I am.” “Maybe,” he replied quietly. “But I still need the link.” “Of a phone,” I filled in. “Yeah.” He shifted from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. “I suppose now’s a good time to tell you that I get a little obsessed with the things I love, huh?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” I spat out, losing my cool. “Now stop fucking talking to me.”

“Ah, now I get it,” she mused. “You feel sorry for her.” That got my attention and I snapped my head around to glare at her. “Excuse me?” “Shannon,” Bella replied with a smirk. “She’s all fucked up, with a broken home and a bad daddy, and you’re a sucker for a sob story.” She added, “Just look at Gib—” “Don’t even go there,” I warned, hands balling into fists.