Ignite Me (Shatter Me, #3)

by Tahereh Mafi

His smile looks like it hurts.

“The girls,” I whisper, dazed. The girls.

My thoughts are on fire.

My eyes are filling fast with tears and I blink and blink but the world is a mess and I want to laugh because all I can think is how horrible and beautiful it is, that our eyes blur the truth when we can’t bear to see it.

“Let go of me,” I scream, but, oh, only in my imagination because my lips are finished working and my heart has just expired and my mind has gone to hell for the day and my eyes my eyes I think they’re bleeding.

revenge I think has never looked so sweet.

“I am going to kill your father,” I say to him, “and I’m going to destroy The Reestablishment.”

“I’m not,” he says softly. “I’m only wondering,” he says, “if you would like my help.”

“I never had any intention of using you as a weapon.”

“Because, love. You cannot touch anyone. And she,” he says, “she cannot be touched.”

“I wanted to know what it would be like to endure a pain like that. I wanted to know what she must experience every day.

I’m tempted to throw something at him.

i love Juliette sm

wishing more than ever that he weren’t able to absorb my power, that I could actually crush all the bones in his body and make him writhe in pain beneath my hands. “You . . . selfish . . . monster!”

I drop my hands and my hair at the same time, the brown waves falling hard and fast around my shoulders, my back, hitting my waist.

If only I had eaten the stupid food.

It shocks me to think how much I’ve changed in these past months. I feel like a completely different person. Sharper, somehow. Hardened, absolutely.

“I wasn’t trying to challenge you and your scruples. I thought I was doing you a favor. You’d come from this disgusting, miserable hole in the ground. I wanted you to have a real mattress. To be able to shower in peace. To have beautiful, fresh clothes. And you needed to eat,” he says. “You’d been starved half to death.”

the way he CARES for her! my heart can't take it

Because while I might not be able to deny my physical attraction to him, I still can’t shake my initial impressions of his character.

Aaron Warner Anderson, chief commander and regent of Sector 45, son of the supreme commander of The Reestablishment. He has a soft spot for fashion.

Warner’s hands cup my face. The warmth of his skin helps calm me somehow, and I finally feel my heart rate begin to slow. “Look at me,” he says. I force myself to meet his eyes, shaking as I catch my breath. “It’s okay,” he whispers, still holding my cheeks. “It was just a bad dream. Try closing your mouth,” he says, “and breathing through your nose.” He nods. “There you go. Easy. You’re okay.” His voice is so soft, so melodic, so inexplicably tender. I can’t look away from his eyes. I’m afraid to blink, afraid to be pulled back into my nightmare. “I won’t let go until you’re ready,” he tells me. “Don’t worry. Take your time.”

i would melt if someone did this to me! having had these before; it's the worst! aghhh it's so cute!

There’s a strange kind of freedom in the dark; a terrifying vulnerability we allow ourselves at exactly the wrong moment, tricked by the darkness into thinking it will keep our secrets. We forget that the blackness is not a blanket; we forget that the sun will soon rise. But in the moment, at least, we feel brave enough to say things we’d never say in the light.

I want a pocketful of punctuation marks to end the thoughts he’s forced into my head.

Warner nods, unimpressed. “You should get a dog, love. I hear they share much the same qualities.”

Though if it’s too much trouble, I’m always happy to take the window.” I cock my head. “It worked out well the last time.”

HA! this is so me 😭

“We brought you in,” Warner says, stifling a sigh, “in a body bag.” My limbs go stiff with fear. “You what?”

girl, i had the same reaction

I’m utterly transparent to him.

But the most obvious answer,” he says, exhaling, “is that I stayed because I was able to see you every day.”

A gust of wind climbs into my clothes then, wraps itself around my bones. Icy fingers tiptoe up my pant legs, clench their fists around my knees and pull; suddenly I’m not sure how I’m still standing. My blood feels frozen, brittle. My hands are covering my mouth and I don’t know who put them there.

I squeak out Kenji’s name. His eyes lock on to mine. He charges forward, closing the gap between us and tackling me in a hug so fierce he practically cuts off my circulation. “Holy shit it’s good to see you,” he says, breathless, squeezing me tighter.

AWWWWWW

“I’ve been practicing,” he says. “But how? With who?” I pause. “Oh.”

*moment of realization* dude, i laughed so hard reading that 😭

It’s the craziest feeling, to be touched by someone you can’t see.

And I’m left to wonder what on earth I’ve just agreed to.

And then, just like that, I yank Kenji up off the ground and toss him over my shoulder. Me. I do that.

“Hey, um, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for a friend of mine,” he says. “Have you seen her? She’s a tiny little thing, cries a lot, spends too much time with her feelings—” “Shut up, Kenji.” “Oh wait!” he says. “It is you.”

KENJI ✋🏼😭

“When are you going to put me down?” he counters, no longer amused. “I mean, I’ve got an excellent view of your ass from here, but if you don’t mind me staring—” I drop him without thinking. “Goddammit, Juliette—what the hell—” “How’s the view from down there?” I stand over his splayed body, arms crossed over my chest.

i love their friendship 😭

“Oh.” I clear my throat a little. “Yeah, um, Warner saved my life.” “Shut the hell up.”

“So—so—so wait, so he tells you he loves you . . . and you said? What?” Kenji demands, dumbfounded. “‘Thank you’?”

“You do realize you haven’t asked me a single question about him, right?” A pause. “I mean, I just told you the whole saga of all the shit that happened to us and you were just like, Oh, okay, cool story, bro, thanks for sharing. You didn’t freak out or ask if Adam was injured. You didn’t ask me what happened to him or even how he’s coping right now, especially seeing as how he thinks you’re dead and everything.”

Shame singes my skin.

“Shut up, Kenji.” “Shut up, Kenji,” he repeats in a whiny voice, mocking me.

this had me WHEEZING 😭

Kenji clears his throat. “Hey—guys? Your loin passion is grossing out the little ones.”

KENJI!!! ✋🏼😭

Kenji spins around. “You’re not bothered by all the heavy breathing going on over here?” He makes a haphazard gesture toward us.

i feel like Kenji is a PG-13 version of Deadpool 😂 (just me? 😭)

“You see what I have to deal with?” Kenji says to him. “There’s no love for Kenji. I give and I give and I give, and I get nothing in return. I need a woman who will appreciate all of this,”

I am no longer afraid of fear, and I will not let it rule me. Fear will learn to fear me.

Please tell me you talk,” she says to me. “Oh, she talks,” Kenji says, shooting me a look. “Cusses like a sailor, too.” “I do not cuss like a—”

oh, i see what you did there, Kenji 😂

“they look a little different now. Behold, the transformative powers of being held hostage by a bunch of sadistic bastards!” He flourishes a hand in their direction, his sarcasm accompanied by a brittle smile.

KENJI ✋🏼😭

“What are you talking about? Of course it was a simulation.” “What?” Adam laughs a small, confused sort of laugh. “You knew it wasn’t real . . . ?” I ask. He stares at me.

NOOOO!!! i now hate Adam

“That’s not being alive,” I say to him. “That’s not living—”

I flinch, stung by the venom in his voice. I’ve never seen Adam so bitter or cruel. This isn’t the Adam I know. I want him to stop. Rewind. Apologize. Erase the things he’s just said.

Words, I think, are such unpredictable creatures. No gun, no sword, no army or king will ever be more powerful than a sentence. Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh.