Ignite Me (Shatter Me, #3)

by Tahereh Mafi

I’d rather be shot dead screaming for justice than die alone in a prison of my own making.”

“Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.”

dang, Warner that was cold against Adam (but i liked it 😭)

I hear an abrupt wheezing noise and turn toward the sound. Kenji has a hand pressed to his mouth, desperately trying to suppress a smile. He’s shaking his head, holding up a hand in apology. And then he breaks, laughing out loud, snorting as he tries to muffle the sound. “I’m sorry,” he says, pressing his lips together, shaking his head again. “This is not a funny moment. It’s not. I’m not laughing.” Adam looks like he might punch Kenji in the face.

i'm WHEEZING ✋🏼😭

Ian is actually smiling. Lily looks a little mollified. Kenji is shaking his head.

3 different people; 3 different reactions

“Ah, Ms. Ferrars,” Castle says. “It’s so good to have you back. Things are always so much more entertaining when you’re around.”

oh, that's hilarious 😂

I ran away for me. Because I wanted to be free.

when he finally looks at me again there are stories in his eyes, thoughts and feelings and whispers of things I’ve never even seen before.

Paragraphs and paragraphs begin building walls around me, blocking and justifying as they find ways to fit together, linking and weaving and leaving no room for escape. And every single space between every unspoken word clambers up and into my open mouth, down my throat and into my chest, filling me with so much emptiness I think I might just float away.

“Is there something you want to say?” Adam turns on him. “God, no,” Warner says. “Juliette doesn’t require my assistance.

Sometimes I wonder if the planets are still up there, still aligned, still managing to get along after all this time. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from them.

Moments and minutes and memories build and break between us.

“What do you mean, you guess? The kid thinks you invented air.”

Kenji 🤭

“So the minute you opened your mouth you just shattered all his dreams, huh?” “I will push you off the roof.” “Yeah, I can definitely see why Adam wouldn’t like you.”

i absolutely LOVE Kenji and Juliette's friendship

“This is so depressing,” Kenji says. “Yeah.” “We suck.” “Yeah.”

i can't with their bond! it's so sweet 🥹

“Good for you. I’ll buy you a balloon the minute the world stops shitting on itself.”

I walk in on the two of you in a freaking closet—no wait, I’m sorry, not a closet—a child’s bedroom—

KENJI ✋🏼😭

“I’m here for you, kid. That’s what friends are for.”

Kenji, my heart 🫠

“I don’t give a shit anymore,” Adam says. “She can go do whatever the hell she wants.” He turns to me again. “You want to be with him?” He points to the door. “Go. Drop dead.”

oh, that draws the line. i'm DONE with Adam.

Ice is eating away at my body.

The real Adam wouldn’t kick me out of his house like this. He wouldn’t talk to me like this. Not the Adam I know. The Adam I thought I knew.

“I was happier,” Adam says, “when I thought she was dead.”

I’m so scared that if I move even an inch, my body will snap in half and everyone will see that my insides are made up of nothing but all the tears I’m swallowing back right now.

“Where’s Kent?” Warner asks, eyes narrowing as he reads their faces. “What did he do to her?”

THE LINEEEE!!! OMGGG IM MELTING 🫠

I can almost hear our hearts beat in the silence between us.

Maybe we both fell in love with the illusion of something more.

Kenji’s face lights up when he sees me. I run forward and he catches me in his arms, hugs me tight before breaking away. “Well, I’ll be damned,” Kenji says. “He didn’t kill you. That’s a really good sign.” I shove him a little. Suppress a grin.

“I think you need a girlfriend.” “Nah,” he says. “I just need a hug. From my friend.”

AWWWWW 🥹

“That’s a bit ambitious.” Kenji grins, ever the proud parent.

I frown at Warner. “Please don’t scare them.”

“Because I am afraid,” he finally says, voice shaking, “that your friendship would be the end of me.”

I’m watching him bench-press three hundred and fifteen pounds. Three forty-five-pound plates on each side of what Kenji told me is called an Olympic bar, which weighs an additional forty-five pounds. I can’t stop staring. I don’t think I’ve ever been more attracted to him in all the time I’ve known him. Kenji pulls up next to me. Nods at Warner. “So this gets you going, huh?” I’m mortified.

“I’ve never seen him in sweatpants before.” I try to sound normal. “I’ve never even seen him in shorts.” Kenji raises an eyebrow at me. “I bet you’ve seen him in less.” I want to die.

IM WHEEZING ✋🏼😭

When the work is finally done, Warner and Castle share a brief moment of acknowledgment before they head in opposite directions.

after all the chaos, this is how they act?!?! it's so funny 😂

“Hey—jazz hands!” Kenji barks. “Get your ass back over here.” He makes it a point to look as irritated as possible. “Back to work. And this time, focus. You’re not an ape. Don’t just throw your shit everywhere.”

“Yeah.” Kenji coughs. “Adam and James are coming here tomorrow.” “What?” I gasp. “Yeah. Awkward, right?” He tries to laugh. “Sooo awkward.”

“I need five feet,” he says. “What?” “Five feet. Of space,” he says. “Between us.” “I will give you five inches.”

YESSSSS!!! GO JULIETTE!!!

“And . . . that maybe you talk about him all the time? And maybe I told him that you cry a lot about how much you miss him. Maybe. I don’t know, we talked about a lot of things, so—” “I am going to MURDER YOU—” “No,” he says, pointing at me as he shifts backward again. “Bad Juliette. You don’t like to kill people, remember? You’re against that, remember? You like to talk about feelings and rainbows—”

KENJI ✋🏼😭

I am a walking catastrophe.

girl....same 😭

The elevator pings open. I step inside. “Good night, Kenji.” I can still hear him shouting at me as the doors close.

BAHAHAHA 😭😭😭

And I am either losing my mind or Warner just blushed.

“Are you in love with her?” “What?” James blushes. “No. She’s like a million years older than me.”

AWWWWW 🤭🤭🤭

“What do you mean, theoretically?” James demands. “Are you asking,” Warner says with a sigh, “because you are actually seeking clarification? Or is it because you don’t know what the word theoretically means?” James hesitates, his panic dissolving into frustration for a moment. He screws up his face, annoyed. “Fine. What does theoretically mean?”

why was this interaction so cute?!

The days have flown by, kites carrying them off into the distance.

Maybe he’s realized there’s nothing romantic happening between me and Warner. Which both pleases and disappoints me.

I adore Alia, but sometimes watching them together makes me wonder if this is what Adam’s always wanted. A sweet, quiet, gentle girl. Someone who would compensate for all the roughness he’s seen in his life.

i was thinking the same thing! it clicked

“It’s the only gift,” he says, “anyone has ever given to me.”

my poor baby 😭

Maybe he’s in a secret jazz club where he sings a cappella and wears sparkly vests and thinks it’s cool to do the cancan.”

KENJI ✋🏼😭

And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence. Trapped by lives we did not choose. It’s time, I think, to break free.

I will be unapologetic. I will live with no regrets. I will reach into the earth and rip out the injustice and I will crush it in my bare hands. I want Anderson to fear me and I want him to beg for mercy and I want to say no, not for you. Never for you. And I don’t care if that’s not nice enough.

But then, in one movement, everything changes: Adam grabs Kenji’s bare hand and presses it into my empty one.

NOOOO! i hate Adam so much!