Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

by Kerry Patterson

As people begin to feel unsafe, they start down one of two unhealthy paths. They move either to silence (withholding meaning from the pool) or to violence (trying to force meaning in the pool).

The three most common forms of silence are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing.

the first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose. Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that you’re working toward a common outcome in the conversation, that you care about their goals, interests, and

values. And vice versa. You believe they care about yours. Consequently, Mutual Purpose is the entry condition of dialogue.

Be sure to spell out the exact deliverables you have in mind. The

fuzzier the expectations, the higher the likelihood of disappointment.

Better to spend the time up front clarifying exactly what you want rather than waste resources and hurt feelings on the back end.